


Bathed in Moonlight

by feathersandzeroes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Brief mention of minor character death, F/M, I guess a sprinkle of parental neglect, I guess reader wears glasses but it's only ever mentioned in passing, I use honorifics because I think it helps show social distance between people, Light profanity, Not Beta Read, Reader used to dance, Short Reader, Slow Burn, Socially Awkward Reader, Strangers to Lovers, Third Person POV, brief mention of toxic platonic relationships, but it's something, established backstory for reader, established friendship with Hinata, happy ending i swear, not quite depression, shy reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23765530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feathersandzeroes/pseuds/feathersandzeroes
Summary: A girl gradually learns to be happy with herself and what she has through the support of people she never thought she would associate with. And maybe she finally experiences what it's like to be young and in love.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Comments: 77
Kudos: 173





	1. A Not-So-Great Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing anything like this, so I hope it's readable. It'll take a while for the pairing to show up, but I'll try my best to make things interesting! I'm still new to the fandom, so my characterization of the characters might be off, but I will try my best!

_It was a dark and stormy night. The windshield wipers scrapped aggressively against the windshield with harsh, squeaking noises. Sitting nestled in the back seat was a young girl, contently cradling her award close to her chest. She brought her legs up to the seat, as if cradling the trophy with her entire body would imbue her with some sort of new-found confidence. It did not come; she did not speak_

_“I’m glad you won,” her mother started roughly, “If you didn’t, then this would have all been a waste of our time,”_

_She flinched, feeling pins and needles at the base of her spine._ Yeah, I’m glad I won too… _She thought, her initial feeling of pride quickly turning into weary relief._

_Feeling the exertion of the competition catching up to her, she closed her eyes for the briefest of moments. When they opened again, she was met with blinding lights and the sound of her parents’ screams._

_***_

She woke up with a start, her left hand clutching the left side of her chest while her right went to check her pulse on her neck.

 _Deep breaths, deep breaths._ She thought frantically, trying to bring down her bounding heart rate. She swiped a glance at the clock on her bedside table.

“It’s only five in the morning?!” She cursed, already dreading how her lack of sleep would affect her later in the day. Her heart rate was still too fast for her liking, and the distress of only getting about three hours of sleep was _not_ helping.

After a minute of forcefully slow, deep breaths, she finally decided that she was calm enough to roll out of bed. With a huff, she gingerly pulled her legs to the edge of her bed. She slowly scooted off the bed until she slid off it completely and landed surprisingly neatly on her feet. She winced slightly. “You’d think after almost a year of healing they’d stop hurting,” she grumbled under her breath, shuffling to the bathroom to start her morning routine.

After a dream like that, she didn’t want to go back to sleep… Not that she could fall asleep again.

***

A groan escaped her as she stared at the clock, “How is it _only_ six?!” She had finished her morning routine about thirty minutes ago and was attempting to pass time by playing mindless games on her phone like “Sweets Smash” and “Infuriated Jays,” but now her brain was begging for her to do something else.

She exited the game app and switched to her texting app, opening a conversation from yesterday.

**Sho-chan [10:09]:**

Tomorrow’s our first day at high school!

What high school are you going to? I’m going to Karasuno!

**You [10:11]:**

I’m not really sure if I’m excited…

You know how I don’t really like being around people…

**Sho-chan [10:11]:**

Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t be too excited…

But who knows!

You might make new friends!

**You [10:12]:**

Ahaha…

Yeah…

I’m not so sure about that! But I’ll let you know if the impossible happens!

**Sho-chan [10:12]:**

Hey! No negative feelings!

Things will be fine!

Just join a club or something and you’ll make friends!

I’m joining the Volleyball Club, obviously!

**You [10:12]:**

You make it sound so easy to just…

Join a club…

Full of people you don’t know…

**Sho-chan [10:13]:**

It *is* easy!

You just have to take a little initiative!

Shoot

Looks like Natsu is causing trouble again

I gotta go!

Talk to you later!

**You [10:12]:**

Ahaha, good luck with her!

Talk to you later

“Sho-chan would be up this early for the first day of school, right?” She mumbled, fingers hoovering over the keyboard. After chewing her bottom lip for a few seconds, she decided it wouldn’t hurt to send a few messages to her grade school friend.

**You [6:02]:**

Sho-chaaaaan…

Are you awake yet?

I accidentally woke up early and I’m *suffering*

She stared blankly at her phone’s screen, hoping he’d be able to kill some time for her. Unfortunately, it appeared that Sho-chan was _not_ awake like she had predicted.

“I guess if today’s the first day of school then he wouldn’t be up early for volleyball practice, huh. Opps,” she mumbled, a bit cross that her friend wasn’t available. She scanned the empty living room for just _something_ to occupy her time. There was nothing.

With a defeated sigh, she slowly rose from the comfy sofa, tossing her brown, leather backpack onto her back.

“There’s not use in just sitting around doing nothing…” she grumbled crossly, making sure to grab her black, cotton face mask. “I guess if I get to class early, I get first pick on seating…” Pulling the loops behind her ears, she stopped to look at the full-length mirror at the end of the hallway.

_Packed bag? Check. Uniform on properly? Check. Glasses hooked on shirt? Check. Kind of cute face mask? Check. Short shorts underneath the skirt? Check. Thigh highs that are technically against dress code, but I have an exception? Check._

She did a slow turn to make sure her skirt wasn’t bunched up from putting on her backpack. After confirming and reconfirming that absolutely nothing could go wrong with her outward appearance, she swiped the keys hanging a hook next to the door and made her way to school.

***

After taking a bus and slowly walking to school, she arrived at the school gates of Karasuno High School. It was about 7:40 and the gates of the school were thankfully open. As she walked into the school, it suddenly occurred to her that she hadn’t answered Sho-chan’s question.

 _Maybe I’ll keep it a secret for now…_ She thought, a small smile spreading on her face. _He clearly forgot that he even asked… I guess some things don’t change._ After climbing the first set of stairs, she scanned the hallway for her appointed classroom, 1-4. _I’ll just surprise him at practice when he’s acquainted himself with the team…_

After finding her classroom, she shuffled in and scanned the rows of seats. Without much thought, she claimed the furthest seat from the front that was next to the window. “People watching during class is always fun,” she joked to herself, hooking the straps of her backpack to the back of her chair. Delicately taking a seat, she wondered if her legs would hurt from all of the walking.

She checked the time.

“Aggh! It’s _only_ 8?!”

A dull thud was heard in the classroom as she defeatedly slumped over her desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha... I doubt people will read this! But I'll still try to write because... It's actually really fun for me... Tsukishima will appear... In the next chapter... I hope...


	2. The First Day is Always the Worst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look at that. He's here. Sort of. I'm sorry that it's so slow but I'll try my best to get things up and rolling alwjefdokl.

The first day of school so far was nothing special. The orientation ceremony was boring (and she unfortunately was unable to spot Sho-chan), and due to her nerves she already had forgotten all her classmates’ names. At this point, she was trying her best to vaguely remember their hair colors and styles (looking at their faces was too nerve-wrecking for her). The only two people that she could clearly remember were the boys that sat to the left of her, both dizzyingly tall and thus, about 1000% more terrifying. _Literally_ no one _has_ any _business in being that tall!_ She cursed her seating choice for about the 100th time.

Currently, everyone was on lunch break. Most of her classmates had scuttled off in their already-forming cliques to eat together, with just a handful of students staying behind to eat by themselves or with a smaller group of friends. Unfortunately for her, the two giants _also_ decided to stay back for lunch.

 _This is_ fantastic _._ She thought bitterly, awkwardly groping through her backpack to find her lunch. In that moment, she was glad that her cotton face mask was obscuring half her face, or else someone would see the aggressive frown on her face. _Those two look like the type that eat a ton! Why are they_ here _and not at the cafetorium or something?!_ Her squinty, scowling eyes relaxed slightly as her finger brushed against a familiarly wrapped box. Struggling slightly, she managed to fish out her lunch and quickly began to open the contents; her thoughts about the two colossal boys beside her fading for a few moments.

She was about to take her first bite when she realized something _absolutely_ horrible. _I can’t eat with this mask on._ She put her chopsticks down, wanting to instantly perish on the spot. _If only all those two weren’t right next to me_. She thought as she side-eyed them.

The taller (and closer) of the two had his headphones on while the other, who looked mousy, but in a cute way, chatted with him. They didn’t appear to acknowledge her existence, or if they did, they weren’t paying any attention to her.

 _Ok… Maybe I can just unhook the right side and stuff my face…_ She unhooked the right side and held the loop in her left hand to make sure the lower half of her face was as hidden as possible. She hasn’t even begun to eat, yet she was feeling her body break out into nervous sweat.

As quickly as possible, she shoveled all her lunch down her throat, only half-chewing her food before gulping it down like her life depended on it. Within a minute, her lunch had successfully traveled from her bento box to her stomach. _I hope I don’t get indigestion from not chewing my food properly…_ She thought wearily as she re-hooked face mask on and casually shoved her box back into her bag.

She side-eyed the boys to her left again. It looked like they hadn’t been paying attention to her. _Good._

_***_

The bus ride home would’ve normally been a period of relief for her and her legs, but as life would have it, she absolutely could not have a moment of respite outside of her own home.

 _This has to be some sort of twisted joke._ She thought, staring in disbelief at the floor of the train. _There’s literally no way that_ both _of these guys have to take the same bus stop as me._ _I don’t remember having any neighbors around that were my age!_ Her stomach was starting to hurt, and whether it was from her blunders from lunch or from the nervousness eating at her, she had no idea. All that she knew was that her heart rate was picking up again and that she needed to message someone to redirect her racing nerves (deep breaths definitely weren’t enough this time).

She shakily pulled out her phone from her bag and opened the messaging app to be greeted with messages from Sho-chan.

**Sho-chan [6:51]:**

I wasn’t awake yet!

I’m sorry aljdslfjoidk

I hope school goes well for you!

She chuckled drily. _Yeah… I figured out that you weren’t awake yet, Sho-chan…_ Her fingers began to frantically type.

**You [15:30]:**

Hey!

How was your first day at Karasuno?

Did you get to join the Volleyball Club like you wanted?

You wanted to go to Karasuno because the Tiny Giant went there right?

What class are you in?

You won’t believe how horrible a day I’ve had…

These two reaaaally tall guys sit next to me and one of them looks so scary!!

And I was so nervous the entire day that I’ve already forgotten everyone’s names!

Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to high school after all…

She waited for a minute. No response. She could already feel herself break out into nervous sweat. _Ok… So Sho-chan isn’t available. Who else could I-_

A new message notification caused her phone to softly vibrate. She scrambled to open it.

**Ryuu [15:31]:**

Hey

How’s your first day of high school?

How do your legs feel?

She let out a sigh of relief, leave it to her big brother to distract her from the two boys.

**You [15:31]:**

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

it waS HORRIBLE!

It was so boring and everyone is so scary but also there’s these two really tall guys that sit in the same row as me and they’re *super* tall and it’s crazy who said it was ok for people to be that tall?!

**Ryuu [15:31]:**

Woah.

I mean

It couldn’t have been that bad a day right-

The first day always feels like the worst?

**You [15:32]:**

You don’t understand because you’re normal heighhhhttt

Also the two guys use the same bus stop as me…

I think I suddenly have to find a new bus stop-

**Ryuu [15:32]:**

Don’t be silly.

I’m sure they don’t even have any thoughts about you

They probably just see you as

“That one girl in class”

And that’s it.

Nothing to worry about!

Anyways

How are your legs?

**You [15:33]:**

I mean.

They feel like they normally do

They might cramp up a bit when I get home though…

Maybe they’ll get used to walking to and from school?

**Ryuu [15:33]:**

Yeah

I hope so too

I have to get back to work now but

Don’t worry too much on the bus ride home ok?

I’ll call you tonight.

Love you

**You [15:33]:**

Aw…

Ok

I love you too!

She let her phone fall into her lap. _I guess I feel a bit better…_ She thought, taking a slow breath. _Just occupy yourself with something._ She pulled out her homework and started to work.

***

Locking the door behind her, she let out a yell. A much-needed stress relief yell.

“I can’t believe the taller one lives on the same street as me,” she wailed as she slipped off her shoes and thigh highs. Tossing her backpack at the bottom of the stairs, she flopped face first onto the sofa.

“Is it too late to drop out?” She grumbled into the cushions. She turned her head and checked her phone. 16:06. Too early to eat dinner and too early to be expecting a call from Ryuu.

“I guess it’s back to homework,” she muttered, rolling off the sofa. She limped up the stairs to her room, backpack in tow. “Agh… My legs sure do hurt…”

***

She had just finished dinner when her phone started buzzing like it was the end of the world.

**Sho-chan [19:18]:**

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

School would’ve been *great*

If not for the fact that guy who beat me last year caused the both of us to be excluded from the club unless we beat the other two first years joining in a match?!

I’m in class 1-1, by the way!

What school are you in again?

Did you even tell me?

Also!

Everything will be fine!

It doesn’t matter what your classmates think of you

Just do your best!

**You [19:18]:**

Oh ew?

That sounds…

Unfortunate?

I’m in class 1-4…

At…

A high school ;>

I’ll keep it a secret for now

Don’t know if I’ll drop out yet or not ahahahah

**Sho-chan [19:19]:**

Whaaaaaaa

That’s not fair!

Maybe I should just message Ryuu-san

He’d tell me probably

**You [19:19]:**

Yeah, he won’t

I already told him not to tell you

So, hah!

**Sho-chan [19:19]:**

:0

**You [19:20]:**

Anyways

Keep me updated with your Volleyball stuff!

I have to get ready for bed now

I’ll talk to you tomorrow!

She silenced her phone and began to put away the dishes. A yawn escaped her. _Yup, it’s definitely sleepy time._ She thought, shuffling back upstairs. Before she started her night routine, she sent two different texts.

The first was sent to Ryuu.

**You [19:24]:**

I’m going to head to bed now

If you call I’ll be asleep so don’t bother!

We can talk tomorrow!

The second was sent to an old friend.

**You [19:24]:**

Hey Hotaru!

What’s being a second year feel like?

I just wanted to let you know that

I might come back anymore

Part of it is I don’t know how my recovery will go

And part of it is… Complicated.

I hope you understand and don’t feel sad!

Go out there and win more awards for the both of us!

After sending her texts, the night routine began.

“I hope I can sleep better tonight,” she muttered under her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will probably be a lot of texting. And uh. Meeting the whole club? Yeah, something like that.


	3. Exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (F/N) refers to your first name! Also, there are a few instances in which we get to see things from Hinata's point of view. I tried to make it obvious but uhm. Yeah. 
> 
> I don't know what this chapter is. It's like. It emerged from somewhere in the depths of my body. I don't remember how I got from Point A to Point B. The only good thing I can say definitively is that Tsukishima is interacted with in this chapter.

Of course, she did not sleep better for the rest of the week. Not that it was unusual for her to subsist off five hours of sleep or less after the accident. School went… As good as it possibly could. Thankfully, no one had forced themself to talk to her (saving both her and them the trouble of trying to pry a conversation out of her) and she had yet to make a mess of herself in front of the entire class.

Meanwhile, Sho-chan had been true to his word and updated her on his volleyball (mis)adventures with his new teammate, Kageyama-san. She thought Kageyama-san was scary. Sho-chan reassured her that the guy was alright as long as no one pissed him off. He also told her that Tanaka-san, a second year that would be playing with them on Saturday (which was today) for their spot in the club, was a good guy, albeit a bit wild.

Speaking of that match, Sho-chan had also mentioned that the two first-years they were going against were named Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei. Their names sounded vaguely familiar, but she figured that it was just coincidence. Regardless, Sho-chan said they were rather mean-spirited and mocked him and Kageyama-san. This upset her greatly, but what could a small girl like her do against boys who were about 190 cm?!

Sit angrily and hope that they got the worst leg cramps known to man for purposefully provoking Sho-chan and Kageyama-san, that’s what.

In contrast to Sho-chan’s exciting and frantic updates, Ryuu resumed the role as her emotional rock. He had managed to call every day after the first day of school, which was a great relief. As much as she loved Sho-chan, he wasn’t always available (nor was he always the smartest when it came to emotions). Ryuu would always make time to hear her rant about her day and acted as her rock if her racing mind started to spiral out of control. She was grateful that he was the family she had.

On a less positive note, Hotaru had yet to respond to her texts. She had totally been left on read.

 _Maybe I deserve it after suddenly ditching him…_ She thought, pushing down the complicated feelings she had about him and what they did together. _Still… Him being vocally upset with me would be better than just ignoring me…_

She rolled onto her stomach, putting a pillow underneath her to support her upper torso. She checked her phone, hoping to see the good news from Sho-chan. Nothing yet-

“AH?!” Her phone started to buzz so violently that she dropped it on the floor. It was still buzzing. She peered over the edge of her bed.

Without climbing out of bed, she fished her phone from the floor.

**Sho-chan [13:17]:**

WE DID IT!

I’M IN THE VOLLEYBALL CLUB NOW!!

I’M SO EXCITED!

I

I finally got to spike the ball!

It felt amazing!

I wish you could’ve been there!

It was like

Pow!

Whoosh!

Wham!

It was amazing!

Oh!

And we’re having

A practice match vs Aoba Johsai

They’re top 4 in Miyagi!

I’m so excited!

**You [13:18]:**

Yay!

I *knew* you’d get in~

You’ve been practicing volleyball for so long so

Now things will start to pay off!

**Sho-chan [13:18]:**

Yes!

Morning practice starts Monday…

It starts at 7

So I’ll be able to chat with you a bit if you’re awake early like usual

You’re still having trouble sleeping well

Right?

**You [13:19]:**

Yeah, I still can’t sleep well

I keep waking up waaaay too early…

I’m excited that you’ll finally go to actual Volleyball Club practice though!

**Sho-chan [13:19]**

Me too!

Everyone

Well

Except for Tsukishima

Is really nice and supportive

Most of the time

She suddenly had an itching sensation. _Should I try asking about Tsukishima and Yamaguchi… Since they sound so familiar…_ Despite her better judgement, she sent another text.

**You [13:20]:**

Hold on

What class are the other first years in?

This is important.

Not really but I’m just curious

**Sho-chan [13:21]:**

Kageyama is in class 1-3

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima are in class 1-4

Are you asking to judge how stupid everyone is >:(

In that moment, her heart sank a meter. It probably would’ve fallen to the floor if not for the fact she was laying in bed. _So those two boys that sit next to me… Are in the Volleyball Club… And one of them is the really mean one?!_

She felt like perishing on the spot again.

**You [13:21]:**

No!

Of course not

I was just curious is all.

Anyways

I gotta go

Homework and stuff, y’know?

Talk to you later

She exited the messenger app and let her head flop onto her mattress. She screamed.

***

It had been a week since Sho-chan had joined the Volleyball Club, and he had been sure to give updates on the club every chance he got. A second year, named Nishionya-san, had come back to play for the team and a third year, named Asahi (she was pretty sure that was actually his first name) was being pestered by Sho-chan and other club members to rejoin the club.

On a different note, Ryuu had made it clear that she could _not_ drop out of high school despite her protests.

“As much as I’d love to, I can’t support you forever,” he chided her over the phone. “Your education is important, and I want you to be able to support yourself on the off-chance something happens to me.”

From the looks of things, she would have to tell Sho-chan where she was going to high school, which was highly unfortunate because she was sure he would pester her to go to his morning practice every day until she caved.

“I guess I’ll just tell him on Monday…” She mumbled, scrolling through old videos on MiiTube with an unreadable expression on her face.

She wondered how Hotaru was doing.

***

Volleyball practice had just wrapped up and the club was starting their walk to the Sakanoshita Store for buns.

“Hey Hinata,” Tanaka-san started, casually draping an arm around him. “Who are you constantly texting after practice?”

He paused his fingers and looked up at his upperclassman.

“My friend from grade school,” he answered simply, “She told me to update her on what’s going on in the club.”

Most of the club stopped walking, going completely silent. Tanaka-san’s arm suddenly wrapped around his neck, “WHAT?! YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY?! AND YOU DIDN’T TELL US?!”

Hinata began to flail frantically, trying to escape the upperclassman’s hold. “Wh- No! We’re just good friends- It’s not like that,” he sputtered, managing to wriggle out of the playful chokehold.

“I can’t believe we got beat by Hinata…” Suga-san laughed lightheartedly.

“There’s no way Hinata could have a girlfriend. He’s too stupid to attract anyone,” Tsukishima jabbed, a sneer on his face.

Yamaguchi let out a small chuckle.

“I’m telling you it’s not like that,” he exclaimed, shooting Tsukishima a glare.

Everyone else seemed to doubt him, giving him “knowing” looks.

 _I wish she could be here so I could prove them wrong._ He thought, beginning to wish that he hadn’t been so honest about who he was texting.

***

The dreaded Monday had arrived. She would have to face the embarrassment of hiding from Sho-chan. To make herself feel better, she had convinced herself to play it off as a friendly surprise for him.

Initially, she planned to meet him before class, but her legs started to cramp up before she could search for him in the hallways.

 _It’s ok! I still have lunchtime to pop in and say, “Surprise! We go to the same high school and I was just being weird and not telling you ahaha!”_ She thought, trying her best to hide her winces of pain as her muscles continued to tense.

As luck would have it, when lunchtime rolled around and she got up to look for him, he was _not_ in his classroom. _Great. My legs hurt and he’s not even here._ She thought bitterly, walking stiffly back to her desk just in time to hear the blonde volleyball player (she assumed it was Tsukishima) insult Sho-chan.

Seething anger suddenly rose within her, causing her to accidentally blurt out, “You must be pretty bad at volleyball if you feel like you have to keep insulting Sho-chan to make yourself feel better!”

 _Wait- I didn’t mean to say that aloud!_ She thought, watching in dismay as Tsukishima and Yamaguchi turned to look at her with wide eyes. _Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno I used his nickname too instead of his last name- Why did I say anything?!_

She clamped her mouth shut, a hand over her face mask covered mouth. She could already feel her back breaking out into nervous sweat.

“I’m sorry but, who are you again?” he asked after giving her a glance-over.

“And how do you know we were talking about Hinata Shoyo?” Yamaguchi asked, poking his head forward past Tsukishima.

 _I’ve really messed up this time, haven’t I?_ She thought, frantically trying to formulate a conceivable lie on the spot.

“I-I’m your classmate…? I sit right next to you,” she started, instantly wanting to shove the words back down her throat. “And I thought you were talking about Hinata Sho… ya, a friend of mine,” she flubbed, wishing she could eject herself out of the conversation she had accidentally started.

She started to inch away from Tsukishima’s desk. “I’m really sorry for the misunderstanding! Just pretend I didn’t say anything ok,” she laughed nervously, robotically taking a seat.

Tsukishima’s eyes narrowed as he scrutinized her face, “Yeah, sure.”

She went to reach for her lunch but quickly realized.

_Suddenly I’m not hungry-_

To say the least, she was _not_ going to be able to tell Sho-chan today.

***

Hinata was tying his shoelaces in preparation for afternoon practice until a large shadow fell over him. Already feeling a sense of displeasure, he looked up at Tsukishima with a large frown.

“What do you want, Tsukishima.”

“What high school does your _girlfriend_ go to,” the tall boy asked, eyes shining with an ulterior motive.

“Does she go to a school in Miyagi,” Yamaguchi added, peering out from behind his friend.

Hinata was about to snap back for the hundredth time that she _wasn’t_ his girlfriend but then he realized something important.

“I don’t know,” he answered, eyes wide as saucers.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi did a double take. “How can you _not_ know what school your girlfriend goes to?!” Tsukishima exclaimed, a look of unadulterated confusion on his face.

Hinata felt his face flush in embarrassment, “She’s _not_ my girlfriend. _And_ she’s just avoided the question every time I’ve asked and I guess I just noticed that now?”

Walking past Hinata’s crouching form, Tsukishima dragged one of his hands down his face as he groaned, “You really are a special kind of stupid, and I don’t mean that in a good way.”

“Hey-!!!”

***

After her blunder, she decided to not show up to school the next day. In fact, she was planning on skipping class for the rest of the week if not for the fact that Ryuu would storm down from Tokyo to drag her to class.

So, there she was, in the kitchen trying not to instinctively open the texts from Sho-chan she had gotten later that horrible mistake of a day. From the message preview, she could tell it was him pestering her about what high school she was attending.

 _Sorry Sho-chan but… I can’t tell you unless it’s in person so… Looks like you’ll have to wait for a little longer._ She thought, opening her chat with Hotaru instead.

Her eyes widened in surprise as she saw that he was typing.

**Hotaru [18:30]:**

Hey!

I’m so sorry for not responding sooner

It’s only the first few weeks of class and I’m already having my ass kicked by classes ahaha

I guess I should’ve known but

Opps?

Anyways, I don’t have a lot of time to talk because practice starts soon but

I hope your legs are healing well

You better not be trying to do anything stupid while I’m not there to look out for you

And about the part about not coming back

I’ll call you later about that, ok?

Talk to you later

Her heart was racing, but she couldn’t help but giggle a bit. She was fretting over nothing after all. She should’ve known he was struggling with his studies at Shiratorizawa. It wasn’t that he wasn’t book-smart, it was more that he liked to allocate his time to other things… Like practice.

**You [18:31]:**

You really had me worried that you were ignoring me!

Meanie

Make sure to put time in your studies too

Dumby

And maybe you shouldn’t call…?

There really isn’t much to talk about

As she hastily typed her response, she opened the fridge to look for a refreshing drink. She reached a blind hand in to grope for the carton. She looked up when her hand found nothing. A lack of milk in the fridge stared back at her, eliciting a groan of frustration.

“Really?! Right when I’m craving milk…” she grumbled, trudging to the door. She gave herself a once-over to make sure she didn’t look like a total fool. She decided her oversized t-shirt and an ankle length skirt would suffice for a quick adventure to the closest store. She reached for her face mask decided against it. _It’s getting a bit late. I doubt anyone from school will be walking around at this time._ She thought, grabbing the keys and heading out.

***

She let out a cry of relief when she finally stumbled upon the brand of milk she had been looking for. She held it close to her chest dramatically, as if embracing an old friend.

“I can’t believe I had to travel _all_ the way to Sakanoshita just to get you,” she muttered under her breath, grabbing a second carton.

 _I can’t believe that all the stores near the house either stopped selling this brand or were sold out…_ She thought, slightly limping to the cashier. _I also can’t believe that going out just for milk would make my legs start to hurt again._ She thought bitterly, placing the cartons on the counter and barely paying attention to the sound of the store doors opening.

“(F/N)-chan?” A somewhat familiar voice asked. It sounded like what she remembered Sho-chan’s voice being if it had started to undergo puberty.

She stopped breathing.

_Wait, there’s no way my luck could be this bad-_

She turned to look over her shoulder.

Ten pairs of eyes were focused on her.

She recognized Sho-chan, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi.

She looked at Sho-chan’s jacket. Kasasuno Volleyball Club.

“Someone please kill me,” she whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe people are actually reading this and... Like it? I thought people would give up by the first chapter because it didn't immediately jump into an interaction with the Volleyball Club/Tsukishima.  
> Thank you so much for your support! It makes me happy to know that people are enjoying this work as much as I am writing it!
> 
> (And yes, I would be the type of person who would search far and wide for the specific brand of food I wanted until I found it)


	4. Running Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She tries to run away from her problems but winds up feeling worse every time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (L/N) refers to your last name!

For a few breaths, no party moved. On closer inspection, there were actually _thirteen_ pairs of eyes on her, two volleyball members she had missed and now Ukai-san. Thoughts racing a mile a second, she stiffly turned to the cashier and sloppily paid for her milk cartons before taking them and attempting to completely ignore the whole situation by wading through the crowd of slightly sweaty, extremely intimidating, and deathly quiet volleyball players.

“E-excuse me,” she squeaked, eyes trained at the ground. _It’ll go away if I ignore it- It’ll go away if I ignore it-_

She was nearly walking away from the store scot-free before a hand grabbed her sleeve.

“(Y/N)-chan! It’s you, right? You turned when I called you!” Sho-chan’s voice rang out, causing her to stop.

 _I forgot he hasn’t seen me in a year._ She thought, slowly turning to face him. _Maybe I can just pretend I misheard him?_ She mentally kicked herself for such a thought.

With a wobbly smile, she looked at his focused face and nodded, “Y-yeah. It’s me.”

His eyes instantly lit up, a smile nearly splitting his face in two. “We’re so lucky! I finally get to see you and they can finally stop teasing me,” he rushed in for a bone-crushing hug and began to spin. “Wh- Sho-chan wHAT’S SO GOOD ABOUT THIS?!” She half shrieked, too scared to squirm lest she be dropped.

When he finally (gently) put her down, he turned to his club. He was beaming like the sun as he introduced her, “ _This_ is (L/N) (F/N)! She’s the one I keep texting and we are _not_ together!”

The eyes all snapped back to her again. She bowed sharply, keeping her eyes on the pavement, “I-It’s nice to meet you?! Thank you for taking care of Sho-chan!”

She heard the boys respond with probably some forced, friendly comments, but all her mind could think of was how horribly embarrassing this situation was. _I’m out here trying to buy some milk for my cravings in my non-school uniform and without my face mask, how lovely._ She bitterly thought, wishing she had chosen to be lazy in her pursuit of a refreshing drink.

She lifted her torso; her eyes were still on the ground. And then a somewhat familiar voice spoke up. _Oh no, please don’t-_

“Aren’t you the one from yesterday that said,” he cleared his throat, “I-I’m your classmate?” His fake falsetto crushing the last shred of her dignity.

She could hear Yamaguchi-san suppressing his giggles and sounds of realization from the other boys. For a fraction of a second, she hoped that Sho-chan would be too dense to put the pieces together. Unfortunately, her luck was abysmal that week.

His hands clasped her shoulders as he shook her, “YOU’VE BEEN GOING TO KARASUNO THIS ENTIRE TIME AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME HOW COULD YOU?!”

A nervous laugh escaped her, “I was planning on dropping out, so I wasn’t going to tell you until Ryuu told me I had to finish high school?” He stopped shaking her and she could see the cogs turning in his head. She took this opportunity to slowly scoot away from the group, back towards home.

“I’m not going to your mo-“

“You should come to our morning practices,” he exclaimed enthusiastically, he turned to one of the players. “Daichi-san, would it be ok for her to watch our morning practices? She can’t sleep well and she always complains that she’s bored in the mornings so-“

Daichi-san cut in, his voice reminding her slightly of Ryuu’s, “Hinata, I think we’re all making (L/N)-san uncomfortable. Let’s just let her go home, ok? We can talk about that later.”

For a moment, she was able to look up and made eye contact with Daichi-san. A look of relief spread across her face and he shot her a sympathetic smile.

She robotically bowed again, “It was nice to meet all of you!” She pivoted and started to frantically limp back to the bus stop, her milk cartons clutched close to her as if they could cool off her burning body.

_Maybe I can take the second-to-last bus ride before Tsukishima and Yamaguchi get on if I’m fast-_

***

_If there is a god, I think they hate me._ She thought, acutely aware of her classmates sitting across from her. The two of them had just caught the bus before it left, making her want to risk collapsing in the middle of the street from attempting to walk home.

Luckily, neither of them had attempted to talk to her. Arguably worse, they stared at her the entire ride. She debated whether Ryuu would be overly upset if she skipped another day of school.

The moment the bus stopped, she scrambled out and broke into a limping run. With every step, her already-tired muscles screamed at her to stop, but her brain screamed back that distancing herself from her classmates was a matter of life or death. The faster she was in the safety of her empty home, the better.

Right after she locked the door behind her, her legs crumpled from underneath her. Thankfully, she managed to slow her descent and prevent her head from hitting the wooden floor (not that she had time to really think about that). The cramps had come back angrier than they ever had been in a long time. She hissed in pain, haphazardly throwing off her shoes. Alternating between her calves and feet, she harshly squeezed her tensing muscles in hopes of relaxing them.

Tears of pain and frustration pricked at her eyes.

 _At this rate, I really_ won’t _be able to go back._ She thought bitterly.

Hotaru’s smiling, sweaty face flashed in her mind. His eyes were on her.

***

The next morning, she knew that she would have to keep off her legs for as much as possible. She hadn’t told Ryuu about last night’s leg issues, deciding that she didn’t want to worry him while he was working.

Initially, she had thought that going to school on crutches would suffice, but after going through her morning routine, she knew it was wheelchair sort of day. By the time she shakily descended the stairs, it was 6 and she was coming to the realization that she might need help getting onto the bus.

Her mind instantly went to Hotaru. _No, he’s moved to be closer to Shiratorizawa. He’s not_ here _anymore._ She thought of Sho-chan. _He rides a bike and I don’t want to make him late for morning practice._ That left one other option.

“I guess I’ll just roll myself to school without the bus,” she concluded half-heartedly, pulling out her portable wheelchair.

Today was already off to a terrible start, last night’s events aside.

***

She had managed to pass the bus stop at 6:10. She was _very_ aware the oddly endearing sight of Tsukishima-san and Yamaguchi-san yawning while waiting for the bus. _If only their personalities were as sweet as they look right now._ She thought, wondering if her arms would be sore by the end of the day. She hoped they’d be too tired to notice her slowly roll by.

“(L/N)-san?” a sleepy voice called out, bringing her rolling to a sudden halt.

 _Maybe I should’ve pretended that I’m not me._ She thought, turning to look at the boys sitting at the bus stop.

“Good morning?” she sputtered, glad that this time she was in the comfort of her uniform and face mask.

Yamaguchi-san stood up, his eyes showing concern that she didn’t think was possible. “D-do you want some help getting on the bus?”

 _He stutters?_ She thought, her guard dropping just enough to answer against her better judgment, “That’d be nice.”

So here she was, trapped next to her two classmates while waiting for the bus. She was fidgeting up a storm, her overzealous mind coming up with all sorts of things that they must be thinking.

 _They probably think I’m a complete weirdo after last night._ She chided herself, shrinking into her wheelchair. _I mean, who just stares at the ground when meeting new people? And who runs out of the bus stop and all the way home?_

“So uhm. Are your legs ok?”

Pulled out of her thoughts, she looked at Yamaguchi-san with a deer-in-the-headlights look.

“I hurt them,” she replied bluntly, not wanting to admit that the combination of walking all around town for milk and running home had put too much stress on her still-recovering legs.

“She probably pulled a few muscles trying to run away from us last night,” his irritable, blonde friend butt in, giving her an unimpressed glance.

Yamaguchi-san gave him a sharp elbow to the gut, flashing her an unsure smile.

“I’m sorry about yesterday and the day before that. Can we have a fresh start?”

She took a good look at his face. It didn’t look like he was lying. In fact, he was wearing an expression of unease that she was all too familiar with.

 _Maybe he isn’t all the bad and it’s just Tsukishima-san._ She thought, her eyes crinkling as she gave a small smile from underneath her mask, “With you? Sure.”

***

In a surprising turn of events, Yamaguchi-san had been nothing but slightly nervous and extremely kind. Before heading out to practice, he had helped her to their classroom and told her to ask him if she needed any more help. She didn’t quite understand his sudden shift in attitude towards her, but she was grateful, nonetheless.

It was currently 7 and she had nothing to do. Class wouldn’t start until 8:30. She did what any high schooler would do during a moment of boredom, she plugged in her earbuds and opened the MiiTube app.

She scrolled through the videos aimlessly, eyes scanning the video titles. Her eyes landed on the newest video from a painfully familiar channel, H & H. Clicking the video, she watched with scrutinizing eyes as her heart sped up in anticipation.

The choreography was a bit difficult because of its fast pace and syncopation. She applauded the new pair on their coordination. On the outside, it looked flawless. It was like the two were made for the stage. Her heart squeezed painfully as she watched the follow.

“They’re not _communicating_ well with each other,” she muttered softly, closely watching the lead’s face. He was smiling, but she knew he wasn’t having the best time with this new follow. “It’s almost like she fights with him with every step he takes… Or like _she_ wants to take the lead.”

She scrolled down to the comments, “I hope they’re not giving this new girl a hard time for replacing the other one.” Thankfully, the new follow had a positive reception. The comments glowed with praise and excitement at a new video.

“I’m glad the channel returned with a strong performance like this!”  
“Nao-san looks so beautiful!”

“It’s been almost a full year of waiting, I’m glad I didn’t give up on this channel!”

Two comments caught her eye. The first had quite a few likes, which made her a bit anxious.

“Where’s Hane-chan? Nao-san is good, but did Hane-chan quit?”

The second comment also had a few likes but caused her stomach to knot in ways she didn’t know possible.

“So is H & H going to change the channel name to H & N now?”

She exited MiiTube and laid her head on her desk.

“Why am I so _stupid_?” She asked, her voice wavering as she sat in the empty classroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally cannot stop thinking about this story. This would be great if I didn't have university work to do. Instead, I'm here spending hours writing this story instead of studying for my exams tomorrow and next week.
> 
> I might divert a bit from the anime plot just a smidge. Only to give more time for the reader to get to know the others. (And try my best to speed things up a bit because I'm aware it's a bit ridiculous that one chapter spans like... One day. With little happening)
> 
> Also, thank you for all of the support! It means so much to me!


	5. Guilt Makes You Do Stupid Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What am I getting myself into..."

Her mood was significantly dampened after the morning video, but she wasn’t prepared to overhear the lunch gossip from the group of three girls that also stayed in the classroom during lunch.

“Have you seen the new video,” one of them asked, pulling out her phone.

“Yeah, we did! What do you think of the new girl? I think she goes by Nao-san?”

“She looks much more… Elegant and sexy than Hane-chan but… I don’t like her as much.”

The girls nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, and doesn’t Ho-kun look less excited?”

She could feel guilt rising in her stomach. She couldn’t eat like this. _I feel bad for Nao-san._ She thought, shakily putting away her lunch. _This comparison really isn’t fair…_

Her thoughts were interrupted when a fluffy mop of orange hair came into view.

“(F/N)-chan! I’m so sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to make you so nervous,” he explained, thoughtfully keeping his normally energetic voice at a low volume.

“You’d think someone who gets sickly anxious before a practice match would know his anxious friend better,” Tsukishima-san muttered, just loud enough for the group of four in the back of the class to hear.

She watched Sho-chan give him a glare. Her eyes crinkled slightly as she offered her friend a small smile from underneath her mask, “It’s ok. Things happen.”

Sho-chan’s expression changed slightly as he looked at her again. “Yamaguchi told me that you were in a wheelchair today… Did you push yourself too hard again?” He asked, his words meant only for the two of them. She nodded sheepishly. Concern flashed through his eyes. “Just make sure you don’t keep pushing, ok? You still have a lot of resting to do.” She nodded again.

His objective complete, Sho-chan backed out of her personal space and shot her a familiar smile and wave, “I’ll text you later! I’ve gotta go practice with Kageyama!” She gave him a small wave and watched in amusement as he dashed out of the door like a violent gust of wind.

Before her thoughts could drift back to Nao-san, Yamaguchi-san inserted himself between the space between her and Tsukishima’s desk.

“Would it bother you too much if we talked during lunch?” He asked, opening his lunch.

Oddly enough, after the events from this morning, she didn’t feel so nervous around Yamaguchi-san.

 _Maybe resonate because we’re both shy and anxious people?_ She thought, pulling out her own lunch.

“Sure,” she replied, instantly kicking herself for answering with such a curt response. Thankfully, he wasn’t fazed.

The two of them fell into a comfortable silence as they began to eat. The only thing that detracted from the calming atmosphere was that she was about 90% sure that the headphone-clad Tsukishima-san was not amused by how friendly Yamaguchi-san was suddenly being. The longer the blonde stared in her general direction the less calm the atmosphere was getting. She really wished he’d stop staring while she was trying to eat with her face mask on- or just staring at her in general.

“So… Do you think being in class 1-4 is hard?” Yamaguchi-san piped up, redirecting her attention from Tsukishima-san’s unimpressed half-glare.

She swallowed thickly, trying to clear her mouth before she answered. “I mean I don’t think it’s that hard. You just have to pay attention in class,” she replied, shoving more food into her face. He let out an airy laugh, which caused her to give him a questioning look.

“You say you need to pay attention to class but… We’ve noticed that you’re notorious for just staring out the window.”

She felt her cheeks burn, suddenly extremely thankful for the face mask despite how tedious it made lunch. “W-well. What matters is that I’m still making good marks,” she squeaked, starting to put her lunch away.

Yamaguchi-san leaned in a bit closer, making pins and needles run down her back. “If you don’t mind sharing, what did you get on the last quiz on English,” he asked, his voice low. Feeling just a tinge of pride, she quietly announced, “Perfect score.”

Yamaguchi-san’s eyes widened, “Wh- T-then could you help tutor us?”

“Us,” she asked dumbly. There was no way that Yamaguchi-san would be asking _her_ to tutor his sour attitude friend.

“Yamaguchi, don’t lump me into your activities without asking,” Tsukishima grumbled as he adjusted his headphones.

Yamaguchi-san turned to his friend sheepishly, “Sorry, Tsuki. But we could really use some pointers… We didn’t do so well on that quiz…”

Tsukishima-san clicked his tongue and looked away. She could feel his displeasure radiating off him.

Yamaguchi-san turned back to her, “Would you be ok with it?”

She started to break out into nervous sweat. _When he’s looking at me like that… It’s hard to say no…_ She thought, trying to figure out a tactful way of avoiding the question. She looked at him again, making the mistake of looking into his earnest and pleading eyes.

“Yeah, sure.” At this point, she had given up on trying to lengthen her responses.

His face instantly lit up, a smile she had never seen before adorning his face. “Yes! When are you available?”

“Uhm. Lunch? Unless you mean sometime after school.” She was getting a sinking feeling in her stomach the moment she realized Yamaguchi-san would probably want to study after practice, which meant that they would have to study at someone’s house- most likely hers.

“Would it be ok if we came to you house this Friday after practice? You live near Tsuki so it’d be easy for all of us,” he asked, sealing her fate.

Despite being _not_ “ok with it,” she nodded with fake enthusiasm, “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Suddenly, Yamaguchi-san’s freckled face reddened. “Uhm. Would it be ok if we exchanged phone numbers? That way I can let you know when we’re on the way?” He shifted his weight nervously.

She brought out her phone and gave it to him, “Go ahead. Just don’t give anyone my number without permission.”

He nodded, quickly inputting his contact information into her phone. “Ok! Just text me before Friday!”

She nodded right as the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

 _What did I just get myself into?!_ She chided herself, already regretting her offer to help.

***

It was now nighttime, and she had just finished an extremely relaxing and well-needed bath. Her arms were sore from all of the rolling after school ended. After changing into comfortable night clothes, she hopped into bed and pulled out her phone for her final notification check before she tried to drift to sleep.

Unsurprisingly, she had a few texts to look over, all from Sho-chan.

Before she could open either of them, a familiar name and face flashed on her screen. Without missing a beat, she instantly clicked the green icon.

“Hotaru?”

“There’s that wonderful voice I’ve been missing!” Hotaru teased, unable to suppress his laughter.

She pouted, “You can’t just open up our first voice call in almost a year with something like that!” She could imagine him grinning cheekily at her, perhaps sticking out his tongue at her.

“Well I’ve already done it, so it’s too late now~”

She sighed, a smile spread wide across her face. “So what took you so long to call? I thought you had some ‘important stuff’ to lecture to me about?” She joked.

“Yeah, about that actually! You’re in _big trouble_ missy.” Despite his words, his tone was still rather light-hearted. “Hinata told me that you had to be in your wheelchair again because you pushed yourself too hard.” Suddenly, his cheeriness was gone.

A nervous laugh erupted from her as she quickly realized he really _was_ about to lecture her. “I really didn’t mean to- I just… Was _forced_ into a situation where I had to run…?”

“Forced as in you were so embarrassed with yourself that you’d rather injure yourself and potentially your future,” he answered back, hitting the nail on the head. Sometimes she wished that he would be less blunt when it came to serious topics.

She sank into her bed. “Look. I promise it won’t happen again, ok?”

“Uh huh. I am one hundred percent convinced,” he answered, his voice flat.

She whined. “I _promise_.”

“Yeah. Totally. Just know I am-“ He cleared his throat. “Very disappointed in you,” he finished with the most deep, gravelly register he could muster.

After about two seconds, the two broke out into infectious laughter.

“Anyways, I’m sure you already know that your health is super important so, please take better care of yourself,” he said gently after managing to regain his breath. “And enough with the serious stuff, how’s school been for you? Made any friends?”

After getting a few full breaths in, she replied, “School’s been hell. I haven’t made any friends, Sho-chan keeps pestering me to come visit morning practice, and I have somehow become a tutor for two of my classmates- who are also in the volleyball club by the way. And one of them is super scary! He’s like, almost two meters tall and he wears these cool square glasses and every time he looks at me it’s like he wants me to perish.”

“Somehow, I’m not surprised by any of the things you just said.” She could hear him chuckling softly. “Maybe you can make some friends with the volleyball club? If you could get a bunch of tough looking guys as your friend, you’d have nothing to be afraid of! Especially that really tall one. He’d probably be a perfect deterrent.”

“I really hate how you sound _actually_ serious about that,” she shot back, running a hand through her hair.

“It’s because I am! You really should make more friends. Other than me, Hinata, and Ryuu-kun you really don’t have anyone else to talk to. And I feel like the three of us shouldn’t really count since we’re basically family to you. It worries me a little, y’know. Especially since we aren’t together anymore.”

“Yeah, yeah I know,” she grumbled, feeling guilty for causing him to worry. She gave him an unenthused, “I’ll try harder.”

“Oh! That reminds me. Did you see the new video,” he asked, a mixture of irritation and curiosity in his voice.

“Yeah, I did,” she replied curtly. _It’s best that he doesn’t know how horrible I felt after watching it._ She thought, reminding herself to not dwell to much on it.

“What did you think of Nao? She’s new.”

“She knows what she’s doing but she anticipates every movement…” She started, remembering how Nao’s lithe body looked stiff before every new action. “I guess it’s to be expected since she’s dancing with an unfamiliar lead but still… She could at least be more receptive to him.”

“Yes!” He exclaimed loudly, almost causing her to drop her phone in surprise. It was almost her input had activated something within him. “That’s what _I’ve_ been trying to say! But no one listens to me! It’s so frustrating!” She heard some rustling and concluded he was probably aggressively ruffling his hair.

“Have you tried-“ Her sentence was cut off when she heard Hotaru’s mother call him for dinner.

“Ah- Sorry. Looks like I’ll have to leave my sweet partner for now. I’ll talk to you some other time,” he teased. She could imagine him shooting her a wink that would have had all of the girls in her class passed out on the floor.

“I’m not your-“ Before she could finish, he hung up. Her heart felt heavy.

Deciding not to linger on the guilt, she opened Sho-chan’s messages.

**Sho-chan [19:14]:**

I asked Daichi-san if you could come to morning practice :>

He said it was ok as long as you didn’t make a big scene or anything

Everyone also wants to apologize for making you so anxious the other day…

I’m very sorry about that!!!

**Sho-chan [19:59]:**

You aren’t ignoring me, are you?

Or maybe you’re still thinking of whether you’re going to watch?

You could even help Kiyoko-san if you feel bad for just

Being there

Oh

She’s our manager!

She’s very nice

And very pretty o//o

It looked like this time it was Sho-chan’s turn to guilt trip her. With a sigh, she typed back a response.

**You [20:34]:**

You know that I’m not a fan of being in groups bigger than two

Unless I know everyone well

She could hear Hotaru yelling at her to make more friends. _Maybe I’ll be friends with just Yamaguchi-san. That’s good enough._ She thought, trying to come up with a compromise between imaginary Hotaru and herself.

**Sho-chan [20:34]:**

But! :0

What else are you gonna do when you’re sitting at home in the morning?

And what if you’re in your chair again?

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi can help you at the bus stop if you come to morning practice

Actually probably Yamaguchi will help

Tsukishima would never help unless he was getting something out of it

**You [20:35]:**

Akljsaofwelsdk

You’d make a good point if I didn’t already catch them on the bus this morning

And I didn’t go to morning practice

I just went straight to my classroom.

**Sho-chan [20:35]:**

:0

But

Can you *please* just come once?

So everyone can apologize

And also I think you’d find the energy fun

I promise

It’s not like you’re used to but

The team energy is fun

She groaned, lightly slamming her face into a pillow.

He was really trying to get her to visit. The worst part? She was feeling guilty for declining so many times. She could imagine Sho-chan’s wide, warm eyes pleading her with every inch of his being and Hotaru giving her a knowing look.

She caved.

**You [20:36]:**

Fine.

Just once, ok?

**Sho-chan [20:36]:**  
Yes!

You won’t regret this

I promise

It’ll be fun

We have morning practice tomorrow

So I’ll see you tomorrow!

Goodnight! : D

**You [20:36]:**

If I regret it, you owe me

Goodnight

She slammed her head into her pillow and groaned for the umpteenth time that day.

“What am I getting myself into…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always stunned by the numbers every time I wake up/every time I go to post a new chapter! Thank you so much for your support!
> 
> I realize that Tsukishima is meant to be biggest brain, but for the plot... Please let it slide... Also, I tried to make her relationship with Hotaru more "comfortable" than with everyone else she has interacted with. I hope it showed!


	6. Introductions, An Apology, and Familiar Feelings

She was not excited to have woken up that morning. Part of her was desperately hoping that she would miraculously oversleep. Yet here she was, waiting at the bus stop at 6:10 alongside two adorably sleepy classmates that she still felt a bit uneasy with.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to use her wheelchair today. Her legs were feeling more normal now; if she only walked today, she would be ok.

When Tsukishima-san and Yamaguchi-san appeared at the bus stop, the former was quick to notice the change.

“You’re back to walking again,” he yawned, sitting two seats away from her. Yamaguchi-san took the seat in between them.

She gave him a listless nod.

The mood at the bus stop was sleepy and calm. Despite that, she felt like her stomach was about to eject itself out of her body. The thought of having to see the entire Volleyball Club again after they saw her without her mask and out of uniform made her want to melt into a puddle.

The sound of the bus sighing snapped her out of her thoughts, grabbing her things as she followed her classmates onto the bus. After they had resettled themselves, Yamaguchi-san gave her a reassuring smile that was wreathed in sleepy energy.

“I know I don’t really have the right to be saying this but, don’t be too nervous about officially meeting everyone else,” he whispered, another yawn escaping him.

She gave him a sheepish smile from beneath her mask, “Y-yeah. Trying.”

The rest of the bus ride was silent. Tsukishima-san must have been rather sleepy that morning, as he managed to fall asleep while sitting in a rather uncomfortable position. She thought that he looked beautiful when his face was relaxed.

When they arrived at their stop, Yamaguchi-san gently woke up his friend and the three made the short trek to the school gates, and eventually, the gymnasium.

Turns out, they had to get changed into the club jerseys first. Now, she was waiting “patiently” for them to exit from their clubroom. There was no way she was going to enter the gymnasium alone, even if she wasn’t particularly close to either of the boys.

Unfortunately (or perhaps, fortunately), a few other club members began to trickle in. First was a soft-looking, silver-haired boy who greeted her with a kind smile and a slight bow.

“Hello! You must be (L/N) (F/N), right? Hinata has told me a little bit about you. I’m Sugawara Koushi, a third-year. It’s nice to meet you officially.”

“Good morning,” she managed, unsure of whether she could let her some of her guard down around him as she could with Yamaguchi-san.

He scratched the back of his head, “And I also want to apologize for the other day. For all of us. We didn’t mean to cause such a scene or to make you uncomfortable.”

“Yeah- No- It’s fine. No big deal,” she answered quickly.

“Well, I’ve gotta go change. I’ll see you at practice,” he said, beginning to ascend the stairs.

The second and third club members she met were much more intimidating than Sugawara-san. One was shorter than Sho-chan, but he radiated some sort of chaotic energy that made her weary. On the other hand, the other was rather tall and looked like a teen delinquent; she was _extremely_ unsure about this one.

The shorter one was the first to notice her as the pair drew closer to the clubroom building.

“Hey!” He yelled, pointing directly at her as they walked towards her. “It’s the milk girl!”

 _M-milk… Girl…?!_ She thought, completely mortified. _I mean I_ was _buying milk but of all the things to remember me as-_

Before her thoughts could spiral, the two were in front of her and introducing themselves.

“The name’s Nishinoya Yuu! I’m a second-year,” the shorter one exclaimed, pointing a thumb to himself while a large smile adorned his face. If she hadn’t been so jittery and mortified, she would have thought his confidence was rather charming.

“And my name’s Tanaka Ryuunosuke. I’m also a second-year,” the delinquent looking on added, shooting her a smile.

“I-It’s nice to meet you,” she started, her eyes falling to the ground. “My name is (L/N) (F/N). I’m a first-year.” Her voice came out a bit quieter than she had hoped; she prayed that they could hear her so she wouldn’t have to repeat herself.

Thankfully, she was saved by Tsukishima-san and Yamaguchi-san.

“Tanaka-san, Nishinoya-san, you’re scaring her again,” Tsukishima-san muttered, just loud enough for the involved parties to hear. “You don’t want Daichi-san to give you punishments for that, _do you?_ ” His cute, sleepy expression from earlier was gone, instead replaced by his familiar, mocking one.

The two second-years before her stiffened and sharply bowed before her. “We’re sorry for the trouble,” they yelled.

Now it was her turn to stiffen, “Yeah- It’s no big deal.”

The two second-years scrambled up the stairs, leaving the class 1-4 trio. Yamaguchi-san offered her a more awake smile, “Let’s go.”

The grade school friends started to walk off without her towards the gymnasium. In her momentary daze, she barely registered that the two of them looked rather cool in their volleyball jerseys. After shaking her head vigorously, she stiffly followed them towards the entrance.

She could already hear the familiar-yet-unfamiliar sound of squeaking shoes and the sounds of volleyballs being hit. She swallowed thickly.

 _I hope everyone isn’t already here._ She thought, unconsciously walking closer to Yamaguchi-san to hide.

When she crossed the threshold of the gymnasium, she heard Sho-chan’s bright voice.

“You’re actually here!” His eyes were shining with more excitement than usual.

“I mean… What sort of friend would I be if I stood you up,” she answered back, her voice trembling slightly.

From what she could see, Daichi-san and two other people were also already preparing for morning practice. She quickly assumed the sharp-looking boy with black hair was Kageyama-san based on his proximity to Sho-chan. She had no idea who the other boy (or maybe man?) was. All she knew was that he was tall and somewhat built. _Extremely_ intimidating.

The three all approached her, but Daichi-san was the first to speak.

“I’m glad that you could come today. The first time we all met you is not the first impression of us that I want you to have.”

His brotherly voice greatly reduced her nerves; he sounded like Ryuu, after all.

“It’s no big deal,” she responded, internally berating herself for saying that phrase so many times already. She looked at him with slightly crinkled eyes.

“I’ve never introduced myself fully so… My name is Sawamura Daichi. I’m a third-year.”

She was suddenly extremely glad that she didn’t attempt to identify him. She would’ve died from embarrassment from calling an _unfamiliar third-year_ by their first name, honorific present or not.

 _Sawamura_ -san gestured to the taller player beside him, “This is Azumane Asahi. He’s also a third-year. He may look big and scary but outside of the court, he’s like a mouse.”

She watched as Azumane-san seemed to wilt at his captain’s words. Laughing a little at the difference between his appearance and his temperament, she bowed slightly towards him. “My name is (L/N) (F/N), it’s nice to meet you,” she introduced herself softly, managing to look up at his sheepish face. He was actually kind of cute. _Is it the gap moe?_ She thought absent-mindedly.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” he answered, his voice surprisingly soft.

Next, Sawamura-san introduced Kageyama-san. “This is Kageyama Tobio. You’ve probably heard a lot about him from Hinata, so I’ll spare you the details.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Kageyama responded, his words feeling a bit lacking in emotion.

Despite that, she bowed slightly and offered him a ‘nice to meet you.’

After introductions, Sawamura-san gave her a warm smile and motioned to the bench. “You can sit over there with Coach Ukai, just watch out for any stray balls. When everyone else gets here, I’ll introduce you to them.”

 _Wait I have to sit with the coach?!_ She thought, sending her somewhat calm heartbeat into a frenzy. “Thank you,” she replied, attempting to discretely shuffle over to the bench. Much to her surprise, a familiar figure was sitting at the bench.

“But you’re the cashier-“ She started, giving him a bewildered look.

“And I’m also their coach,” he finished for her, shooting her a friendly look. “I’m sure you already know that they’re planning to all apologize to you but… I really chewed them out after you bolted,” he admitted, eyes never leaving the court. “How dare they terrorize one of my frequent customers.”

She took a delicate seat at the edge of the bench, “Ah, I see.”

“I’m really sorry about my stupid kids,” he apologized, adding a small laugh.

“No, it’s ok,” she replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Sho-chan told me that everyone was curious about me so I guess… It was to be expected.”

She heard Ukai-san huff, acknowledging her response. The two fell into silence. She started to watch the court.

 _Someone like me, who doesn’t know a single technical thing about volleyball really shouldn’t be here._ She thought, observing how everyone but Sho-chan and Kageyama-san was stretching. She figured that the duo had arrived earlier and had already stretched.

Rather too quickly, all the club members had shown up. At the sound of Ukai-san’s shout, the entire team formed a semi-circle around the bench. She was breaking out into nervous sweat again. Part of her wondered if they would all look less intimidating if she were standing, not that it would make that much of a difference.

Unfortunately, as she was lost in thought, Ukai-san had stood up and introduced a few more second-years.

She bowed slightly, hoping that no one caught her not paying attention, and did the same song and dance she had been doing all morning.

Ukai-san suddenly started to count off and by the time he reached “zero,” all the boys bowed and yelled out their apology.

“WE’RE REALLY SORRY FOR SCARING YOU! WE PROMISE NOT TO DO IT AGAIN!”

 _If you keep doing stunts like this, you’ll continue to scare me!_ She thought, glad that most of her face and expression were obscured by the mask.

“A-apology accepted!” She squeaked.

With that, Ukai-san approached the court and started morning practice, the other members following suit. She caught Sho-chan flashing her another one of his brilliantly warm smiles. She couldn’t help but return it, his energy was infectious, after all.

To her genuine surprise, she became rather invested in watching them practice despite only knowing basic knowledge about volleyball. It only took about 20 minutes before her gnawing feeling of ‘I don’t belong here’ fell away and she began to cheer (not very loudly) for Sho-chan when he received or spiked well. Eventually, she started to feel a rush of excitement when Yamaguchi-san performed well, too. That, alongside the sense of teamwork from the boys, made her heart swell with a familiar feeling as well as remind her of her own experiences with working with a team. Before she knew it, she began softly cheering for everyone.

She was enjoying this.

The hour flew by rather quickly, much to her dismay. She’d much rather watch them practice than have to be physically present in class. When they broke up to clean the gymnasium, she pitched in to help alongside Sho-chan, who was picking up balls.

“So, what do you think?” He asked, still full of energy. Despite knowing him for years, she still didn’t know where he got his energy from.

“It was… Fun,” she answered, placing the balls into the cart.

He beamed at her, “ _See?_ I told you it would be fun! But you kept saying you’d hate it.”

“Yeah, yeah… I know what I said, and I take it back,” she grumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed that Sho-chan knew her better than she did.

“Soooo… You should totally just start coming to all of the morning practices since you like it,” he concluded, helping her push the cart to the storage room.

She choked. “What?!” She exclaimed, shooting him an incredulous look. “I only came because you and Hotaru guilted me into coming. And now I’ve served my sentence. I’m done!”

Sho-chan shot her an annoyed look, “Yeah, but you _liked_ watching us and your enthusiasm made everyone else a little more into practice than usual so… It would be a win for everyone if you could come again.”

She sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“And Daichi-san and Ukai-san said it’d be fine,” he added.

She already knew what her answer would be before he elaborated, but it didn’t mean that she was particularly overjoyed with it. “Ok fine. I’ll start coming to your morning practices. But _only_ your morning practices, ok? I’ve got other things to do than just watch you guys play volleyball.”

Sho-chan jumped up in delight. “Everyone! (F/N)-chan is going to be watching our morning practices from now on!”

She could hear the others cheer.

“How did I get roped into something like this," she muttered, a fluttery feeling of excitement filling her entire being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was full of dialogue and I realized that I hate writing so much dialogue at once. Originally this chapter was meant to have more... Stuff... In it but... The whole morning practice segment was like 2000 words so I decided that the other stuff I had planned would be part of the next chapter...
> 
> I'm sorry if this chapter was a bit dull! I tried my best... The next chapter will be uhm. More interesting just by the nature of it. (Tutoring session!)


	7. A Breeze of Change

School was nothing to write home about. It was just a normal school day. However, before she left the classroom at the end of the day, Yamaguchi-san made sure to remind her of the second thing that had her anxious that day.

“(L/N)-san! Tsuki and I are coming to your house later, ok?”

She gave him a nod, “Yeah, I know. Just, uh, text me when you’re done with practice.”

He gave her a friendly smile and wave before running to catch up with Tsukishima-san, who had left class without him.

She let out a heavy sigh. She had been hoping they had forgotten about their little “rendezvous” at her house. Part of her was hoping that the combination of morning practice and afternoon practice would tire them out so they would cancel. Another part of her was worried that if they didn’t cancel, they’d be too tired to really pay attention.

 _That’d make it a waste of time for all of us… And a lot of pointless stress for me…_ She thought, slowly making her way down the steps. She wondered if she should have some materials prepared for them. If she did, then whether they came or not would be irrelevant. But that also meant more work to do that wasn’t particularly interesting.

By the time she exited the school gates, she had begrudgingly decided that she would prepare some study materials, notes, and some little rhymes and mnemonics she found useful. _It’d make their stay shorter since I won’t have to come up with stuff on the spot._ She thought, noticing that her legs were holding up rather well today.

With a determined look on her face, she slowly made her way home.

***

It was currently 18:39. She had finished her own work and had just printed out the study materials she had prepared for the two of them. She debated whether she should eat dinner. Figuring that her eventual nervousness when they arrived would cause her to turn into Sho-chan before any match against other schools, she opted out. _I’ll eat after they leave._ She thought, making sure her school uniform looked ok. There was no way she was going to be caught looking like her _normal_ self when seeing classmates. Absolutely not.

It would be at least 40 minutes before she had to pretend to have a normal home life, so she decided to text Hotaru. To her surprise, Hotaru had texted her before she could pull up the messenger app.

**Hotaru [18:40]:**

So…

Did you go to practice and make friends like I suggested?

**You [18:40]:**

Yeah, I went to morning practice

And no, I didn’t make any friends.

I just met a bunch of guys

I guess a few of them seem alright…

Mostly the third-years.

They seem dependable and all-around kind

**Hotaru [18:40]:**

Aw man

And I was hoping you’d come back talking about how many new friends you made : (

**You [18:40]:**

Stop that

You know I wouldn’t have made friends on the first day

**Hotaru [18:41]:**

A guy can hope, ok?

Also… First day?

Are you implying…

The impossible?! :0

**You [18:41]:**

I…

I kind of enjoyed it.

It reminded me of the old days

So I let Sho-chan persuade me to come to their morning practices from now on

She watched in amusement as the “Hotaru is typing something” message appeared and disappeared multiple times.

“Betcha didn’t expect _that_ , did you?” She laughed softly to herself, part of her still unable to wrap her mind around how she went from “I will _not_ deviate from my commute to and from class 1-4 and home” to “I will allow myself to go to the Karasuno gymnasium in the mornings… As a treat.”

**Hotaru [18:42]:**

What have you done with (F/N)?!

The _real_ (F/N) would rather turn into a pile of ash than be in a room full of huge, sweaty boys that she doesn’t know!

**You [18:42]:**

Yeah, yeah very funny.

I’m honestly a little surprised too

After they introduced themselves to me and…

Loudly apologized as a team

They didn’t pay much attention to me, which was nice

It let me focus more on _them_

As a team

It was… Nostalgic

**Hotaru [18:43]:**

Well

It doesn’t have to just be a nostalgic feeling y’know

She felt her heart twist and her stomach suddenly became frigid.

**Hotaru [18:43]:**

If you rest up and take good care of yourself…

Well, we miss you

I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now

The faster you can move freely again

The faster we can be back together again!

Anyways, I’ve gotta go

Break is over

Talk to you later ♥

**You [18:44]:**

Yeah.

Have fun!

Guilt and yearning gnawed at her as she exited the messenger app and went to turn on the necessary lights in the house. She could remember the almost-blinding, hot lights shining on her, the sound of fabric, the applause… Their eyes on _her_. She missed it bitterly. But no matter how much she longed to be engulfed in those harshly hot lights, her guilt held her back.

“I’m really sorry,” she whispered.

Maybe those two coming would be a good thing. They’d distract her from the guilt.

***

A knock at the door pulled her out from her murky thoughts, instantly making her anxious. _Oh no. How do I greet guests again?_ She thought frantically, scrambling to get to her feet.

“I’ll be right there!” She called out, glancing at the table to make sure everything was in order.

Rushing as quickly as she could, she unlocked the door and opened it just a sliver. After confirming it was, in fact, Yamaguchi-san and Tsukishima-san towering in front of her door, she opened it fully.

“Uh. C-come on in,” she squeaked, moving out of the doorway.

“Excuse us,” they chimed, leaving their shoes neatly next to hers.

“You’re still in your uniform?!” Yamaguchi-san gaping as he stepped further into the house.

“I… Don’t like classmates seeing me outside the context of school,” she explained quickly. “Which means I don’t like classmates seeing me out of uniform and without my mask.”

She motioned for the two to follow her to the living room, signaling the end of that line of conversation.

Yamaguchi-san was the first to break the awkward silence between the trio. “I hope your parents don’t mind us here?”

She inhaled sharply, glad that she was facing away from them. “Yeah. I’m sure they wouldn’t have minded,” she answered, taking a seat at the low end table. She saw the confusion on their faces.

“They live with my older brother, Ryuu,” she hastily explained, handing them the materials she had prepared. “He’s in Tokyo for his job.”

“So you live alone now,” Tsukshima-san asked, tacking on a soft ‘thank you’ as he sat down to the left of her. Yamaguchi-san took a seat on her right.

“Yeah. But Ryuu sends money and other necessities every month so it’s not bad.”

Silence enveloped the room as the two scanned over the papers she handed them.

“I didn’t really know what you two were struggling on so I just compiled everything we’ve learned so far into one sheet and added stuff that I thought could be helpful on the other sheets,” she explained, feeling a bit uneasy with the silence.

“Wow… You’re really thorough…” Yamaguchi-san praised, taking out a highlighter and pencil from his bag. “How’d you manage to get all of this when most of the time you’re daydreaming,” he joked.

“Daydreaming and half paying attention is a talent of mine,” she replied, blushing slightly in embarrassment. “That, and I try to go through the next day’s lectures before class, so I know what to pay attention to if I’m struggling with it.”

“Oh! That’s really smart of you,” he exclaimed, quickly writing her studying strategy on the first sheet. He watched as his face creased in concentration, highlighting things that she figured that he wasn’t completely familiar with.

She turned to Tsukishima-san, who was strangely lacking any of his usual, jeering bite. “Do you… Have any questions,” she asked softly, daring to glance at his face. It was surprisingly soft looking.

“No, not yet,” he grumbled, eyes continuing to scan the papers as he took out his own writing utensils.

“Ok. If something still confuses you, just let me know,” she replied, her eyes wandering to Yamaguchi-san again. It was just easier to look at him instead of Tsukishima-san. Something about the latter made her heart beat weirdly.

The rest of the study session was rather comfortable, save for the unidentifiable energy radiating from her left side. Yamaguchi-san had been pleasantly talkative, and she helped him work through his English. Most of his mistakes came from him memorizing some grammar and spelling rules incorrectly. Meanwhile, Tsukishima-san had been ominously scowling at her sheets while looking over his quiz.

She didn’t want to intrude on his privacy by taking a look at his quiz, but she also didn’t know what he needed help with since he wasn’t vocalizing anything.

“Uhm. Is there anything in particular that you would like for me to explain?” She asked again, keeping her eyes as away from the quiz that he was holding.

“Can you… Please explain this?” He asked in a soft tone that she wasn’t aware he was capable of. His quiz was now flat on the table, the end of his pencil pointing at a section where he had lost a lot of marks. Just seeing all the red marks made her heart jump into an anxious frenzy.

She scanned over the section and at his answers before formulating her response. “Oh! You just made a bunch of small errors like…” As she explained how to correct his mistakes, she couldn’t help but feel a tinge of happiness for being helpful to her classmates.

***

Yamaguchi-san and Tsukishima-san ended staying over for about 45 minutes. With all their questions answered and thoroughly explained, they were now leaving.

“Thank you so much for your help,” Yamaguchi-san said while he put on his shoes.

Tsukishima-san offered a ‘thank you’ as well in that unfamiliar, soft voice of his.

“No worries. It was actually kind of nice to help. It helped me learn the material better, too,” she replied, a small smile on her face.

“Would it be ok if we come study with you more often? It doesn’t have to be just English,” Yamaguchi-san asked as he stepped out the door.

“Yamaguchi, speak for yourself,” Tsukishima-san shot back, his normal biting tone making a return.

“Well, studying in groups is helpful for everyone, so I don’t see why you’re so against it,” Yamaguchi-san replied, his voice having a bit of backbone in it. Tsukishima-san huffed in response, starting to walk off after he gave her a small wave.

“Well, if it’s you two, I don’t mind so much,” she replied, thinking that spending extra time on her studies with others could be beneficial in the long run. If it were those calm boys, she thought things would be ok. “Just let me know when.”

The brown-haired boy gave her a small smile of gratitude, “Thank you (L/N)-san! I’ll make sure that Tsuki comes along too.” He gave her a small wave as he began to jog off, “I’ll see you Monday!”

She waved back, the feeling of excitement from watching morning practice and her current feelings of contentment mixing. The guilt weighing down on her lightening enough that she had forgotten about it.

After closing and locking the door, she took off her mask and let herself smile widely.

“Maybe all of this isn’t so bad after all,” she whispered to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! She's starting to be more open to the idea of making friends!  
> I know it seems like her relationship with Tsukishima isn't progressing but... Relationships take time... I didn't label this as kind of slow burn for no reason LOL. She just naturally gets along with Yamaguchi because they're both pretty soft-spoken and shy beans. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for all fo your support!


	8. A change for the better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahah I re-worked this chapter because for the past however many days it has been... I've been thinking about how horrible it was and how much I hated it!! And I was right! I have no idea what I was on (actually I'm pretty sure I was just really sleep-deprived and very hungry) when I wrote the original chapter but uhhhh  
> Now it's better (?) It definitely should connect more smoothly now. I hope. I'll try to take better care of myself in the future so I don't make huge goofs like this again! Thank you for anyone who is still here!

The next two weeks flew by rather quickly. The first week, she had been introduced to Shimizu-san, the manager of the Volleyball Club. Initially, she had been extremely wary of the beautifully cool upperclassman. Girls who looked that beautiful usually had a hidden bite, after all. Much to her pleasant surprise, Shimizu-san was also reserved and showed nothing but kindness towards her. Within a few days, they had become what she supposed was something between ‘close acquaintances’ and ‘new friends.’ She was comfortable with Shimizu-san, but she was not ready to lower her guard completely.

In addition to feeling amiable with Shimizu-san, she had become comfortable with the other third-years in the club. She had quickly warmed up to Azumane-san and Sawamura-san, the former being a kindred spirit while the latter reminding her of Ryuu. Sugawara-san, who had suggested her to refer to him as “Suga-san,” but she politely refused, was also becoming more familiar and thus, more comfortable to be around. If someone squinted hard enough, it would look like she was making friends.

She vaguely remembered questioning her role and relationships with the Volleyball Club. She came to every one of their morning practices, helped set up, watched them practice (telling Ukai-san her suggestions when she saw something worth spending time on), cheered as they continued to steadily improve, helped Shimizu-san with her tasks, and helped with clean up. Part of her wondered if she could call herself an unofficial member of the club. She was always quick to squash those wishful thoughts. _I don’t belong anywhere anymore._ She would always chide herself, trying her best to repress the fond memories that plagued her waking hours.

During the second week, which happened to be Golden Week, the Volleyball Club had gone on a practice training camp. Despite not being with them, Sho-chan and Yamaguchi-san had made sure to tell her of any noteworthy things that happened to make sure she up to date on every important development. She was glad that they thought of her and she absently wondered if Yamaguchi-san would be ok with getting a nickname from her. _Maybe it’s still too soon for that._ She would always think whenever the thought popped into her head.

While the club was away training, she started her own “training” after getting the green light from her health care professionals. They had made sure to be clear that she could _not_ do any rigorous activity yet and that the probability of going back to her normal lifestyle was rather low. Their words both gave her a sense of relief and melancholy.

She had begun to stretch her legs again, something she had not been able to do without physical and emotional pain causing her to immediately stop. She originally had not been planning on making any strides towards doing anything other than being able to walk and stand for normal periods of time, but after the influence of Hotaru and watching the Volleyball Club… Her heart could not help but beat faster at the thought of being able to do _more_.

During her now quiet days because of Golden Week, she finally had the time to step back and reflect _everything_ that had happened since she started school again. Even though she denied it when talking to Hotaru or Ryuu, coming to morning practice had greatly improved her general mood. She had started to smile more when she was away from prying eyes. She could not remember a time where she had felt so _okay_ with waking up at ungodly hours of the morning. Things were starting to feel like the “new normal” that Ryuu had told her about.

As she deepened her stretch, she came to the soft realization that perhaps her improving mood was because she had found a new group to feel comfortable with. A group, much like the previous one, redirected her turbulent thoughts.

Suddenly, she could see _them_ , drenched in sweat, chests heaving, yet all smiling and laughing. An arm was comfortably draped around her shoulder and she could see Hotaru’s grin nearly splitting his face in two. Warm and inviting.

She stood up suddenly from her stretching, shaking her head as if doing so could shake out those blasphemous, yearning thoughts.

“I really need Golden Week to end already,” she grumbled.

***

The study session was nearing its end and she noticed that she was starting to feel more natural around Yamaguchi-san and Tsukishima-san. In fact, she also thought that the two of them could feel the change too.

Yamaguchi-san had quickly warmed up to her and the more they interacted, the more she felt like he was her friend for longer than just a few weeks. She had even noticed that Tsukishima-san had started to talk to her of his own volition instead of being forced into the conversation by Yamaguchi-san. At first, it had surprised her, which irritated him (understandably). But after getting used to it, she was rather happy that he had started to accept her into his fold.

Despite the budding sense of familiarity, she was not comfortable enough to remove her mask and change into her normal, more comfortable clothing. She just was not there yet. She still felt slightly uneasy. This was especially true for Tsukishima-san. While she was feeling more natural around him and she was happy that he was considering her as a potential acquaintance, he still made her a bit nervous. It was probably because it was impossible to read his face unless he was mocking someone or being condescending.

“(L/N)-san?” Yamaguchi-san’s soft voice called out, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“It’s time for us to head out so…”

She looked up to see that the two of them had already packed their study materials and writing utensils, leaving her the only one sitting on the floor.

“S-sorry!” She exclaimed, awkwardly rising from her seat. She walked with them to the door.

“I still can’t believe an avid daydreamer like you does well in school,” Tsukishima-san said plainly, a lack of bite in his voice as he bent over to put on his shoes.

She opened the door.

“Yeah, it’s a mystery to me, too,” she replied, a small laugh in her voice.

Tsukishima-san was the first to leave, leaving Yamaguchi-san behind as usual after thanking her for studying with him and bidding her goodbye.

Her heart rate accelerated slightly.

 _This would be the perfect time to ask!_ She thought, watching as Yamaguchi-san finished putting on his shoes. _But what if he says no-_

“Yamaguchi-san?” She blurted out before he walked out to the sidewalk. She wanted to kick herself.

He turned to her in slight surprise. Usually, she never said anything other than, “See you next week,” after the study session.

“Yeah? What is it?”

She swallowed thickly, unable to come up with a reasonable excuse to suddenly calling out to him in time. _I’ve really done it now, huh?_ She thought, submitting to her fatal mistake of calling out to him before formulating a plan.

“Would you be ok with me calling you ‘Yama-san?’” She asked, face turning redder by the second. Before he could answer, she instantly started to backtrack, “I mean if you’re ok with it- I mean if you’re not ok with it then just forget this happened? I just thought that- Well- You’re like a friend to me now- Which sounds really crazy because we’ve only known each other for a few weeks but-“

The sound of Yamaguchi-san laughing made her stop spewing the first words that came into her mind. She looked up at him.

His face was also a bit pink, probably from her directness. “I’m ok with it! I think we’re friends too, so you don’t have to worry so much.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, already feeling the heat from her face cooling down significantly. “I’m glad you think so too,” she said with a smile.

After waving _Yama-san_ goodbye, she closed the door, unaware that someone a few houses down had been watching their exchange. She did a small, celebratory jump (as much as her legs would allow).

“W-we’re friends!”

***

When she called out to Yama-san during clean-up a few weeks later, she had not expected it to cause such a commotion. The moment his new nickname fell out of her mouth, Tanaka-san and Nishinoya-san were pointing at Yama-san.

“HIM?! A _MOUNTAIN?!_ ” They exclaimed in unison, before bending over in laughter.

She could see that Tsukishima-san was snickering and that Sawamura-san and Sugawara-san were exchanging looks. Poor Yama-san looked rather horrified by his upperclassmen’s reaction to his nickname.

“Yamaguchi-san has the courage of a mouse! Why’d ya give him a nickname that means _mountain_ ,” Tanaka-san asked, wiping a stray tear from his eye.

“Well it was either that or ‘Guchi-san,’ which is _not_ a suitable nickname because who would want to be nicknamed ‘mouth?’” She explained, feeling a bit indignant that almost half of the club was making fun of the nickname she had been pondering about for _at least_ a week.

The rest of clean-up was full of teasing banter towards Yama-san’s new name mixed alongside the usual volleyball chatter.

Before she could head out to class, Sawamura-san and Shimizu-san approached her. “Do you think you can come to afternoon practice, too? Just for today,” Sawamura-san asked, a friendly smile on his face.

She could feel most of the club members giving her excited looks, which confused her. “Is it important that I’m there?” She asked as politely as possible.

While she was not opposed to staying for afternoon practice (she was now rather comfortable with the entire club, so being around them for longer than expected was no longer stressful), it was also Friday. She wanted some time to unwind before jumping into the now-routine study session with Yama-san and Tsukishima-san.

Shimizu-san nodded, “Yes. You need to be at afternoon practice today. It’s for something important.”

 _There goes my relax time._ She thought, slightly miffed. “Alright, I’ll be here again after class.”

Shimizu-san gave her a gentle smile, instantly neutralizing any bitter feelings she was experiencing. After waving them goodbye, she slowly made her way to class.

***

When she walked into the gym for the second time that day, her soul was nearly scared out of her.

A loud chorus of “SURPRISE!!” blasted out of the gym doors.

After a few seconds of recovering from the initial shock, her eyes landed on Shimizu-san. A familiar black set of clothing was in her hands.

“Wh- Those- What’s going on?!” She squeaked, heat rushing to her face. She was getting flashbacks to a _separate_ time in which all these boys had yelled at her.

“We all thought that since you’re always coming to support and encourage us, you should have some sort of membership in the club,” Sawamura-san answered. A much softer chorus of agreement came from the other club members.

Shimizu-san gently handed her the clothing and a sheet of paper. “You’re basically a part of the club and with Inter-High coming up… Everyone wanted to make sure you would be able to come with us,” her soft voice filling her ears.

“Yeah! Especially since the mood was off during Golden Week practice training camp because you weren’t there!” Sho-chan butt in. She could tell he was trying his best not to start bouncing in his spot from the way his fists were clenched and his expression.

Her whole body suddenly felt comfortably warm. For just a split second, the smiling group before her morphed into the cherished memories that she had been trying to run away from for the past year.

“We thought you could be co-manager since you already help out Shimizu,” Sawamura-san added.

 _Is this really ok?_ She thought, her throat tightening in a way that was both familiar yet unfamiliar. _Is it ok for me to be in a group again?_

“A-Ah?! We made her cry!” Sho-chan exclaimed, pulling her out of her swirling thoughts.

She raised a hand to her cheek, finding the fabric of her mask becoming increasingly wet.

“I-I’m sorry,” she started, her voice coming out a bit gross and croaky. She could _feel_ the energy in the room plummet, which was _not_ her intention. “I just… This really makes me happy.”

“Will you join us, then?” Shimizu-san asked, pulling a handkerchief from her pocket. She accepted it gratefully, dabbing the corners of her eyes as she replied, “Of course.”

The gym burst into a chorus of cheers. For the first time at school, she let a genuine smile spread across her face as her heart filled with warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your support and comments, it means the world to me!


	9. Planting seeds

Despite getting permission from Sawamura-san and Ukai-san to go home after the “important surprise,” she had stayed behind to help. She had been promoted from ‘person who watches club practices because they can’t fall back asleep after waking up at ungodly hours in the morning’ to ‘co-manager of the Boys’ Volleyball Club.’ Her new title practically screamed for her to start coming to every practice.

To her surprise, the energy of morning practice and afternoon practice was _different_. Everyone was more into practice (she did notice that Tsukishima-san only ever seemed to put in about 75% of his effort at any given moment) and Ukai-san was harsher with his instruction and drills. This also meant that she and Shimizu-san were busily making sure water bottles were filled and that towels were at the ready.

 _I guess it’s to be expected?_ She thought, watching as they continued to relentlessly practice receives. She adjusted her glasses. _I don’t think any of them are morning people except Sho-chan and Kageyama-san so I guess everyone would naturally perform better after being awake for so long._

A stray ball was suddenly sent flying from one of Sho-chan’s sloppier spike receives. It was hurdling straight towards her and she was vaguely aware that Sho-chan was panic yelling at her.

 _Ah. I knew this would happen eventually._ She thought, scrambling to think of a way to minimize the face injury she was about to sustain because of her inability to catch. _Maybe my ‘safety glasses’ will protect me._

Under normal circumstances, she would have squatted down and let the ball fly over her head. However, she was currently _not_ living under normal circumstances and she knew her health care professionals (and her legs) would be _extremely_ displeased if she suddenly went from standing to squatting in about 0.2 seconds.

In a moment of panic, she squeezed her eyes shut and used her arms to protect as much of her face as possible. She flinched when she heard the ball hit something. She cracked an eye open.

Cool and beautiful as ever, Shimizu-san had gracefully caught the ball.

“Are you ok?”

“Just peachy!” She squeaked, hearing Sho-chan getting scolded by Kageyama-san.

 _Oh boy._ She thought as she turned to look at the boys. _I’ve signed myself for an even wilder ride than before, huh._

***

Walking home with the Volleyball Club was _interesting_ to say the least. The boisterous group was walking down to Ukai-san’s store to get some buns (Suwamura-san had offered to buy for everyone). During their trek there, everyone was chattering about _something_. Her brain was too tired from diverting from her normal schedule to really follow along any line of conversation, which was why she quickly fell into step with Yama-san and Tsukishima-san. Their lower energy levels and their slight distance from the main group greatly soothed her.

She felt comfortable with them, even as they walked in silence together.

After the meat buns were purchased and consumed (by everyone but herself), everyone had split off to go their separate ways home.

The way to their bus stop was quiet, the sound of their shoes on the pavement and the rustling of their uniforms being the only sounds that filled their ears. Well, until her stomach let out an indignant growl while they were waiting at the bus stop.

She whined in embarrassment as she heard Yama-san and Tsukishima-san try to suppress their laughter (the former being much better at it than the latter).

“If you’re that hungry, you could just _eat_ that bun that you’ve been holding this whole time,” Tsukishima-san suggested, his voice still containing a hint of laughter.

She pouted in response. “I’d _love_ to eat, except that’d mean doing that stupid thing I do when I eat during lunch. And I actually want to _enjoy_ this bun, so, no.”

“Why do you wear your mask, anyway?” Yama-san asked innocently.

 _Because there are some people our age that would recognize me if I didn’t wear it, which is not at all optimal._ She thought, though she would never say that aloud. Not any time soon, anyway.

“Because it’s more comfortable for me that way,” she answered curtly. Not quite a lie, but not quite the truth either.

Tsukishima-san let out a small huff from her response. “You being hungry during our study session would be a pain. Would you eat if we promised not to look at you?” Tsukishima-san offered, looking down at her.

“You have to be facing the opposite direction of me,” she replied, feeling her stomach whine at her again. He shrugged in acknowledgment and turn around completely, Yama-san copying him.

After ensuring that they were _completely_ facing away from her, she pulled down her mask and took a bite. A small whine of content accidentally escaped her as she relished in the flavorful, warm bun. She wiggled a little bit in delight. She heard the suspicious sound of someone elbowing someone else, followed by the sound of someone hissing in response. She decided to ignore it; the bun had garnered all her attention, after all. Within about a minute, she had finished her bun and secured the mask back to its original position.

“Ok, you’re good to go now,” she declared, just as the bus came to a stop before them.

“Was it good?” Yama-san asked as they made their way into the bus.

“It was… Absolutely wonderful,” she answered, nearly glowing from how delicious the bun had been. “I can’t believe I’ve been sleeping on these for so long… I feel cheated!”

“I didn’t think that you had the capacity to enjoy your food. What, with how you inhale your entire lunch in two minutes,” Tsukishima-san teased, giving her a playfully mirthful smirk as they all sat next to each other.

“For _your_ information, I _can_ and _do_ enjoy my food,” she grumbled, another pout forming on her face.

The rest of the bus ride was filled with small banter. She was starting to realize that being with these two “recharged” her more than they “drained” her.

 _I guess I’m starting to take a shine to them, huh._ She thought, watching the scenery through the window.

***

After Yama-san and Tsukishima-san left, she eagerly changed into her normal clothes and went through her nightly routine. She was _exhausted_ , even with the help of Yama-san and Tsukishima-san. She could not remember the last time that she had been with other people for so long.

When she finally turned off the lights and climbed into bed, she decided to tell Ryuu and Hotaru the new development in her life.

She messaged Ryuu first.

**You [22:49]:**

So…

I’m uh

The co-manager of the club now

Which means I’ll be going to Inter-High with them in a few weeks

Which also means if you have anything you need for me to do uh

You should send them sooner rather than later

Because I’ll probably be

Unavailable for at least two days lol

Knowing that he was probably still working at this time, she switched over to message Hotaru.

**You [22:51]:**

Hey so

Remember how you said I should make friends?

**Hotaru [22:53]:**

Oh ho?

Are you…

Perhaps…

Dating…

One of the guys that you study with >:3c

**You [22:53]:**

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

Get your head out of the clouds

I have something even better

**Hotaru [22:54]:**

Aw man…

You know that you are the only one

That will probably find love

Out of the two of us, right?

But…

Spill.

**You [22:54]:**

Haha you’re such a comedian.

But

I am officially co-manager of the volleyball club

Which also means I have to be at all of their practices

And

Go to their games

Haha

Surprise?

**Hotaru [22:55]:**

YOU MADWOMAN

I DIDN’T THINK YOU HAD IT IN YOU

**You [22:55]:**

Yeah,

I didn’t think I did either?

**Hotaru [22:55]:**

Do these people make you happy?

She frowned slightly at his sudden shift to seriousness.

**You [22:56]:**

I would think so?

Sho-chan is always a delight to be around

Even if he’s sometimes

A bit too much for me

And the third-years are all kind and dependable

The second-years are…

A mixed bag but they all mean well

And Yama-san, Tsukishima-san, and Kageyama-san are all nice in their own way

Being around them is a nice change of pace

Why?

**Hotaru [22:56]:**

I just want to make sure my precious friend is happy :>

Next thing you’ll know…

You’ll fall in love with one of them~

Maybe one of the boys you tutor?

Or…

Maybe… Both…

**You [22:57]:**

Absolutely not!

I’m happy with the club members

And getting more comfortable with them

But

I’m nowhere near comfortable to just

Be completely candid like with you or Ryuu

And also,

Yama-san is a new friend  
And Tsukishima-san is

Probably a close acquaintance.

Nothing more.

Her fingers paused briefly as she considered taking a jab at Hotaru’s unsuccessful and yearning love life. She decided against it. No need to plunge him into a sad mood as the night was growing older.

**Hotaru [22:57]:**

Oh?

But you’ve already nicknamed one of them~

But ok ok

I’ll leave you alone on the

*Romance*

Anyways,

I’ve gotta get my beauty sleep

This cute face of mine that gets all the girls can’t survive without enough sleep

Keep updating me on everything~

Goodnight!

**You [22:58]:**

Goodnight, sweet Sleeping Prince

I’ll make sure to keep you updated

Sleep well

She exited the messenger app, noting that Ryuu had yet to respond to her. _He’ll probably respond sometime tomorrow._ She thought, plugging her phone to the charger before setting it on her bedside table.

Hotaru’s teasing words about romance wormed their way into her mind as she closed her eyes.

 _Hah… As if someone like me could experience something like that._ She thought, feeling the cold clutches of sleep drag her down. _Not that there’s anyone who I’d feel comfortable sharing my life with here._

Yet, in the darkness behind her eyelids, she could see a nebulous sleeping face that looked familiar, yet unfamiliar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support and comments! It means so much to me!
> 
> Next time I'll hopefully get to Inter-High,,, Or at least dip my toes into it laskjfoewkf


	10. Taking strides

The next few weeks seemed to all blur together. She would wake up, go to morning practice, go to class, go to afternoon practice, walk home with Yama-san and Tsukishima-san, do what she needed to do at home, text Hotaru, Ryuu, and sometimes Sho-chan before she slept, and then resolutely surrendered herself to yet another night of restless sleeping. Thankfully, she had managed to re-adjust to her new schedule rather quickly, so she no longer felt like death after afternoon practice.

Additionally, because she spent so much of her time with the Volleyball Club, she had now grown more comfortable with some of the members. Comfortable enough to even give some of them nicknames! She had finally agreed to call Sugawara-san as Suga-san, Kageyama-san was now Kage-san (much to the chagrin of about half of the club), Nishinoya-san turned to Noya-san, and Shimizu-san happily accepted the nickname of Mizu-san. Unfortunately, not everyone got nicknames. Part of the reason was that some names sounded weird when shortened (Takana-san being a prime example) and the other reason was that she felt that giving a nickname would be disrespectful or make someone upset (Sawamura-san and Tsukishima-san).

Aside from the new Volleyball Club developments, her most recent healthcare-related trip had sparked a bit of hope and dread within her. She had been given the clear to start doing more physically rigorous activities, a development that had greatly surprised both her and her healthcare professionals. Since then, she had been joining the boys, much to their surprise, whenever they went out to run (she made absolutely sure that she did _not_ strain herself, lest she be put back on walk-and-stand arrest) to build up her stamina.

At home, she would look at the new H & H videos and slowly copy them in one of the vacant rooms. _It’s just a new exercise for my legs. Enrichment, or something like that._ She would always reason, trying to suppress her growing desire to tell Hotaru of the news (she had asked Sho-chan to kindly _not_ break the news to Hotaru). _I can’t go back to those days anymore._

***

The day before Inter-High was upon them, which meant afternoon practice was canceled for everyone to rest. They were all walking home together, for the time being, the buzz of anticipation radiating from them. It reminded her of the days before a performance. The anticipation and the bubbling nerves these boys were feeling, she knew them well.

“Make sure you get a _lot_ of sleep tonight or you’ll be too tired to keep cheering for us!” Sho-chan exclaimed, bouncing around as he walked.

She laughed at the sweet ball of sunshine. “That goes for _you_ too. You’ll be out there playing and showing everyone how awesome you are! So, make sure to get the rest you need,” she replied, a comfortable smile on her face. She had a sneaking suspicion that Sho-chan was _much_ more anxious then he was currently letting on.

He gave her a wobbly smile, confirming her suspicion. “Yup! Will do,” he exclaimed, getting on his bike.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then. Just remember, you’re going to do wonderful. And even if you mess up, you have the team to support you, ok?”

The other boys chimed in, agreeing with her sentiment. He nodded at them, his smile widening a bit.

“Ok! I’ll see you tomorrow then, everyone!” And with that, he was off.

Eventually, everyone had gone their separate ways home, leaving the ‘quiet trio’ at the bus stop. Normally, the rest of the way would be spent in relative silence, but she decided that checking on them would be a good idea.

“So… How do you guys feel about tomorrow?” She asked, deciding that staring at the small pothole in the road was an easy place to look at during this conversation.

“W-well… I’m not going to be in the starting formation so… I’m not really all that nervous?” Yama-san replied meekly. He quickly added, “Anyways, I won’t be put in unless it’s an emergency or something.”

She tilted her head towards him, frowning slightly, “Don’t say things like that. You make it sound like you’re not important, which isn’t true. And you’ve been practicing that jump float serve right? That’s amazing!”

Yama-san laughed softly, “Thanks.”

She shifted her head to vaguely face the other boy in the group. “How about you Tsukishima-san?”

She heard his clothes rustle. She was guessing that he was shrugging. “This is just a club. I don’t really care how things go,” he responded plainly.

She was at a loss for words, so she let out an empty, “Ah.”

His response had surprised her. Sure, Tsukishima-san never seemed to put in his all during practice, but she never thought that he felt so _indifferent_ about all of it. She wondered why he kept playing if he lacked the apparent drive for it. Was it just because he was tall? She thought about herself. Never had she done anything so time-consuming unless she loved it, yet here he was, doing something he debatably had no affection for.

She managed to get a small glance at him. He was scrolling through his phone now, his headphones on, but the one closest to her and Yama-san was only half-covering his ear.

She really could not understand him at all, something that prevented her from being comfortable with him.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when Yama-san asked her a question.

“How are you feeling, (L/N)-san? Not to be rude but… You’ve looked more and more tired these past few days…”

“Me? I’m excited and nervous for you guys… It’d be nice to see you win,” she replied, trying to ignore the fact that Yama-san had directly asked her why she was looking like a wilting flower.

“But have you been getting enough sleep,” he pressed, seemingly determined not to drop the subject.

“It’d be a pain if our new co-manager passed out from exhaustion during the tournament,” Tsukishima-san butted in, shooting a half-glance down at her.

“I’ve been sleeping fine,” she lied through her teeth, hoping that they would drop the topic. They did not need to know that her dreams had been getting _too_ active, causing her to wake up even earlier than usual.

“I’ve been more physically active lately so my body’s just having a hard time readjusting is all.”

Yama-san nodded slowly, “Ok. Just make sure you also get the rest you need.”

She shot him a small, concealed smile, “Yeah, will do.” _If only it were that easy._ She thought bitterly.

***

She woke up drenched in sweat, the cacophony of sounds still echoing in her ears. She swiped her phone from her bedside table and checked the time.

03:04.

She groaned. She had clocked in an all-time-low total of four hours of sleep. Her whole body was exhausted, and her mind felt like someone had stuffed one million cotton balls into it. Yet despite that, her body was too on edge to go back to sleep.

Defeatedly slipping out of bed, she stripped off her sweat-soaked nightclothes, put them on the bed, balled up her sheets, pillowcases, and bedspread, and made her way to the washing machine. After setting them to wash, she grabbed her day clothes and went to shower and brush her teeth.

 _Looks like today is going to be another long day…_ She thought, the voice in her head slurring her words together.

***

Somehow, she had managed to make it to the Sendai City Gymnasium with the rest of the Karasuno Volleyball Club members. The entire day she had been fighting off her exhaustion. Somewhere, within the foggy depths of her mind, she was glad that Hotaru had taught her some make-up basics because she had managed to conceal her visible sleep-deprivation with a touch of magic.

Of course, her exhaustion was soon chased away the moment the team drew closer to the entrance of the building. Everyone was exuding anticipation, nervousness, and excitement.

“Ah, Karasuno? They used to be good but now they’re just called the Clipped Crows,” a boy from another school explained to his teammate.

 _Ah. They’ve made a fatal mistake._ She thought, watching as the entire team glowered behind the two boys in question. She and Mizu-san exchanged knowing looks with each other as they continued to walk alongside Ukai-san and Takeda-san.

Tanaka-san had started to provoke the two boys, but Sawamura-san was quick to grab him by the collar, pulling him back into the group.

More gossip-type whispering ensued, this time aimed at Azamane-san. Part of her felt sorry for him because the rumors were not at all true, yet another part of her was struggling to not laugh because of how _not_ Azamane-san the rumors were. She parted from Mizu-san’s side and did something a bit out of her comfort zone. She gave Azumane-san a comforting pat on the upper back.

“Who cares what they think. You just gotta show them what an awesome ace you are.”

He gave her a sheepish smile, “Thanks.”

Now mostly obscured between the bodies of tall volleyball players, she could hear some of the boys in the hallways talking about Mizu-san.

“Karasuno gets a female manager?”

“No way!”

“She’s really beautiful…”

“You should go ask her out!”

A familiar, small feeling of inadequacy settled into her stomach, but she shook it off. Today wasn’t about her. Today was about them.

Splitting off from the team with Takeda-san, and Mizu-san, the three went to the bleachers to hang the banner. While tying the banner to the rails, she looked up and saw the team looking up at them. She gave them all a small wave and a thumbs up.

“Go out there and fly!” She exclaimed, slightly muffled by her mask. She wondered if they could hear her over the sounds of other teams beginning to warm-up. Their small cheer gave her the answer.

The next few minutes were a blur as she and Mizu-san hurried to fill water bottles and have towels ready for the team. She could hear the anxious buzz from the team as she and Mizu-san went back and forth. Even _she_ was starting to feel nervous and she had no business on the court!

Before she went back up to the stands, Mizu-san grabbed her hands.

“You’re shaking almost as hard as Hinata does before a game,” she joked lightly, giving her hands a soft squeeze.

“I-I’m just excited for them!” She squeaked in response, face turning a bit pink.

She laughed lightly, releasing her hands. “Well, cheer for us on the stands, ok?”

She nodded vigorously, before quickly scrambling up to the stands. When she found her spot behind the banner, she leaned onto the railing, breathing irregular from both the running and the sheer anticipation.

The whistle blew.

The team captains shook hands.

Both teams lined up.

The whistle blew again.

They bowed.

“Thank you for the game!” Echoed loudly in her ears.

_Let the match begin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your support and comments! They mean a lot to me.   
> Updates might be a bit sparse this week because my exams are here (I should be studying calculus right now haha)!


	11. Inter-High

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, earlier, the Inter-High tournament can't be that hard and long to write, right?
> 
> Me, now, I have wasted so much time writing this instead of doing my calculus exam but it's fine- why is it so long it was so hard to write all of this woiafdksl

The match with Tokonami was her first time ever seeing the team play. Of course, some things were the same- like how Noya-san and Tanaka-san were being too excited, causing Sawamura-san to get upset. But she could tell that everyone both on the off the court was playing with a different type of driving force than at practice. At practice, they were there to hone their skills and maybe crack a few jokes. But here, they were playing for keeps (even if they still flubbed occasionally).

The match went by rather quickly, both sets being relatively short. Nonetheless, she felt a spark of pride in her chest every time her team scored a point, especially if Sho-chan had earned it. After years of wanting to play volleyball, he was finally here with a team full of players just as passionate about volleyball as he was. She could feel the sheer joy and excitement radiating from him from where she stood, leaning forward on the railing to get a better view.

She tried to keep her cheering to a minimum, seeing as how no one else in the stands were making much noise. In fact, most of the stand occupants were other competing schools scoping out the competition. However, when the final point was scored, she allowed herself to jump and cheer in delight.

 _They’ve won their first match!_ She thought giddily, her lack of sleep completely forgotten for the time being. While the teams were doing their end of match rituals, she quickly made her way down to meet them. She was glad that she had been cleared for “more rigorous activity.”

The moment Sho-chan exited from the court, her excitement bubbled over. She ran towards him, arms wide.

“You won!” She exclaimed, squeezing his abdomen as hard as she could. She did not care if he was sweaty, she was ecstatic.

“Y-yeah!” He managed to croak out, returning her lung-crushing hug with one that was half as strong.

“You get to stay on the court!”

She felt his hug tighten around her. She could tell he was equally, if not more, happy and excited by the outcome of the first match.

The rest of the team was left in a slight state of shock, as they watched as their co-manager untangle herself from her grade school friend. She vaguely realized that they had never seen her so energetic before.

She turned towards the rest of the team, her eyes crinkling from her concealed smile.

“You guys won! I knew you’d win,” she exclaimed, slightly bouncing in place.

Noya-san and Tanaka-san seemed to eat up her praise as they started another yell rally (which was quickly stopped by Sawamura-san). The rest of the team thanked her for the praise and said variations of, “We still have a lot left to go, though! Keep cheering us on!”

After quick instructions from Ukai-san, who told them not to cool down and to eat a light meal before their 13:30 game, the team split up into their close friend groups.

While everyone went to refuel on calories, she and Mizu-san quickly refilled water bottles and chatted about things they noticed during the game. The conversation was brief, as they finished rather quickly, and Mizu-san went off to eat with some of the other players.

She had decided to find a secluded spot away from all the occupants of the gymnasium, drooling slightly when she remembered what she had packed for lunch.

 _And if no one is around I can savor every bit of it._ She thought giddily, finding a small, open area outside to be suitable. Part of her felt bad for not spending more time with the club, but she _really_ wanted to enjoy her lunch today. She took a seat on the pavement, opening her lunch, and started to take off her mask.

“Ah! There you are, (L/N)-san!” Yama-san called out from behind her.

She let out an embarrassing squeak as she furiously hooked her mask back onto her face. Yama-san and Tsukishima-san circled around her, their own food in their hands.

“We were wondering where you were, so we went looking for you,” Yama-san explained, taking a seat to the left of her. “We didn’t want our new co-manager to be eating alone, after all.”

She wanted to cry. _That’s very sweet of you, Yama-san… But… I can’t eat with you two here--!_

“Speak for yourself, Yamaguchi. I’m here because the upperclassmen throw a fit if I don’t finish my food,” Tsukishima-san added, taking a seat next to Yama-san.

The two began to eat their lunch, leaving her wondering if she should come up with an excuse to go somewhere else or to count her blessings and eat. She chose the latter, unfortunately, after realizing they had all sat on one side of her for a reason.

 _I would expect Yama-san to be thoughtful, but I wouldn’t have taken Tsukishima-san to be considerate too._ She thought, stifling a sigh.

She unhooked the right side of her mask, pulled it so her face would be obscured from view by the boys sitting on her left, and began to resolutely eat. After her first bite, she was wriggling in her seat from how good the food was.

 _It’s illegal to be able to eat food this good._ She thought, finding the middle ground between savoring the flavor and shoving it all down her throat because it really was that good.

“Why are you squirming like that, do you have to use the bathroom or something?” Tsukishima-san asked, causing her to instantly stop.

Yama-san laughed slightly, but was quick to defend her, “I think she just really likes what she’s eating.”

She nodded furiously, struggling to swallow after getting called out on her food enjoying antics. She could clearly hear Ryuu scolding her about her wriggling and wished that she had listened to him.

After choking a mouthful down, she quickly changed the subject, “So how do you think the match against Date Tech will go?”

Tsukishima-san rested the end of his chopsticks on his lips as he briefly thought about their next opponents. She thought he looked pretty.

“If we can manage to get passed their blockers, we should be ok. But if it turns out like last year then this will be our last game for the tournament,” he answered plainly, going back to his meal.

Yama-san nodded, “Yeah… I hope Azumane-san doesn’t get too shaken up by them again…”

“I see…” she answered softly, the spike of serotonin from the first win beginning to sink. She wanted to believe that they could win, but she was worried about the returning ace.

***

The rest of the lunch break was rather uneventful as Yama-san and Tsukishima-san were focused on how to perform in the next match and she did not want to ruin their concentration. She was currently waiting for the next match to start, feeling slightly intimidated by Date Tech’s cheer squad.

 _Their chant is really cute but there’s so many of them!_ She thought, feeling a bit bad for Karasuno’s lack of support. She took a deep breath. _I guess that just means I’ll have to start cheering like usual._

As the two teams began to warm up, she got a good look at the opposing team. Even from high up, they looked ginormous and intimidating. _Oh no…_ She thought, glancing down at Sho-chan, who looked like he was about to pass out. _Sho-chan is going to die._

She could feel a tense energy surrounding the team, causing her worries to deepen. But after Noya-san’s energetic, “Rolling Thunder! Again” the tenseness dissipated greatly. She made sure to yell some praise in his direction, “Noya-san! That was cool, keep it up!” He shot her a wide grin and the team’s spirit was greatly lifted.

 _Good thinking, Noya-san._ She thought, relief washing over her.

With the sharp sound of the whistle, the teams began to line up. She took another deep breath, preparing for a rather loud yell.

 _After this tournament, I’ll have to stay inside the house for three days to live down my embarrassment._ She thought, gripping the railing tighter.

“Go Karasuno! Fly over that wall!”

***

From the first point Sho-chan scored, she had a sense of unease. This would not be a relatively easy win like with Tokonami.

 _That big white-haired one is… Scary…_ She thought, trembling slightly. He reminded her of a big, white bull. _Maybe bull isn’t quite right… What’s big and smart… An orca?_ She shook her head, refocusing her attention on the game in front of her. Now was _not_ the time to be wondering what type of animal that blocker was most like.

The first set was a neck-to-neck battle. Karasuno had won it, but Date Tech was proving to be a sturdy opponent. She cheered for every point scored and every time players were switched in and out of formation, hoping the extra support would keep their morale and drive up. After Azumane-san was able to score a point thanks to Sho-chan and Kage-san’s decoy tactic, she felt a swell of hope in her. She made sure to cheer loudly for him. She hoped they would be able to finish this match in two sets.

Sometime during the first set, two middle-aged men and the Girls’ Volleyball Club appeared to cheer for the Boys’ team, which threw her a bit off tempo. Nonetheless, she was glad that the boys would have extra support. Now she would not be the only one cheering for the team.

The second set was like the first, a neck-and-neck battle. Both teams were trying to evolve and adapt their strategies on the fly in order to score points faster than the other. However, thanks to Azumane-san’s newfound determination and the support of his teammates, Karasuno was able to avoid taking on a third set.

As the whistle shrieked, signaling the end of the match, she cheered loudly alongside the other Karasuno supporters. Waves of relief washed over her as she realized they would continue to progress in the tournament. As she watched the team cheer, she was quick to notice that Tsukishima-san was not cheering and celebrating over the victory; he merely stood and watched as everyone gathered around for the end-of-match ritual. She wondered how he could look so indifferent despite winning such an anxiety-inducing match.

The team quickly regrouped after re-hydrating, all taking seats in the stands to watch the Aoba Johsai match. Her legs had begun to ache from standing and jumping around to cheer for the team, so she was glad to take a seat next to Yama-san.

Although she had missed their first match against Aoba Johsai, she was quick to pick up on how strong the team was. She felt that worry again but refused to vocalize anything about it. Instead, she made sure to praise everyone on their performances during the games once the match ended.

 _If Date Tech was a hard match-up, I’m nervous about how tomorrow’s match will go._ She thought as everyone clambered onto the bus. She took the row of seats in front of Yama-san and Tsukishima-san, pressing her forehead against the glass window of the bus. The sounds of tired, sleepy volleyball players quickly filled the bus, causing her to smile a bit despite her worry. She decided to linger on the positive thoughts instead of the negative for now.

***

Thanks to all the energy she spent cheering on the first day of the tournament, when she finally arrived home, she passed out on the sofa. When she woke up the next day, she had a total of six hours of sleep and felt like she had never been so refreshed in her life.

However, now that she was back in the Sendai City Gymnasium, anxiety began to chew at her stomach as she stood behind the banner along with the Girls’ Volleyball team and the two middle-aged men from before (she had learned their names were Takinoue-san and Shimada-san).

She had already given all her encouraging words to them on the bus. Now, all she could do was continue to cheer for them throughout the match. For the sake of the third-years and for Sho-chan’s hopes and dreams, she hoped that they would be able to win this match too.

***

The sound of the ball hitting the floor sounded like a familiar, harsh slap to the face.

 _Did I see it wrong?_ She thought, quickly wiping her glasses down with her club jersey. When she put her glasses back on and looked at the score, her heart sank straight through the floor.

Her legs hurt and her throat was raw from all the cheering. Her mask felt unbearably hot, no doubt from the screaming, too. She could not begin to imagine how they all must have felt. No. That was a lie. She _could_ imagine how they all must have felt. Especially for the third-years. For all their hard work and their dreams to be finished in a matter of seconds. Yeah, she knew that feeling well.

Her throat tightened up. It was hard to breathe. The look on Sho-chan’s face, and the face of her upperclassmen, when they turned to bow at the stands… She dug her nails into her palm as she went down to the team. She refused to cry in front of them this time. Not when their wounds were still fresh.

When she rejoined them at the exit of the court, she did not have the strength to say anything without her voice cracking. Instead, she gave them all a shaky smile and rushed to help Mizu-san as the rest went off to cool down.

While helping Mizu-san pack up in the privacy of just the two of them, she let out a choked sob after taking off her mask. Mizu-san, looking surprised for a split second, looked like she was on the verge of tears, too. As she cried, Mizu-san took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“It’s ok. There will be next time,” she whispered, her voice beginning to waver.

All she could do was nod.

***

When Ukai-san had brought the whole team to eat, she was glad that all her tears had been forcefully sobbed out of her when she was with Mizu-san. She was physically unable to cry anymore. With the help of cold water and some make-up, it looked like she was just sad instead of absolutely devastated (or at least she hoped that was what she looked like).

This time, she was seated across from Mizu-san and next to Tsukishima-san, at the front of the table. Her stomach was growling, yet her appetite was lacking. She wanted nothing more than to sit next to Sho-chan and Yama-san to try to cheer them up. Watching their expressions made her want to crawl into a hole and die. This was hands down the quietest and somber moment she had shared with the team.

As the tired players began to eat, hot, fat tears began to roll down their overstuffed cheeks. Most of them tried to quiet their frustrations by shoving more rice and meat into their mouths, some better at it than others.

Tsukishima-san was an exception. He ate slowly and with small bites. Nonetheless, she could tell the loss was affecting him because of the way his eyebrows came together and how his eyes were narrowed in frustration.

She picked at her food, fiddling with the rice with her chopsticks. Her mask was back on her face now, which was good because it hid the wobbly frown behind it. She knew it would be rude to Ukai-san if she ate nothing, but she could _not_ eat like this.

She was planning on just eating the rice already put in her bowl and then excusing herself to go outside when someone had nudged her with their knee.

She sent a tired glance at Tsukishima-san, the owner of said knee. He motioned for her bowl.

“You have to eat, or you’ll be a pain to walk home because your stomach will be growling the entire time,” he mumbled, loud enough for only the two of them to hear.

She glared half-heartedly at him; she was not in the mood for his bluntness. She was also _not_ going to eat anything other than what was in her bowl. She refused to move her chopsticks towards the center of the table.

His lips pressed into an extremely unamused line as he reached over and grabbed a piece of meat. He dropped it into her bowl. And then another. He gave her a look that clearly said, “eat or something bad is going to happen.”

She swallowed thickly and undid half her mask, pulling it out to make a face shield like yesterday.

With the ambient noise of food-muffled sobs and chopsticks clinking on bowls, she began to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support and comments, it means a lot to me!
> 
> Apologies if this chapter was. Sub-par? I really didn't know what to do! I wasn't going to write out all the volleyball matches so I tried my best!!  
> The next chapter will hopefully be shorter and more lighthearted and fluffy.


	12. His realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima can't sleep and has to contemplate on things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written in Tsukishima's POV before so uh. Please be gentle LOL. I feel like Tsukishima would be the type to not really outwardly show things unless something is really bothering him, which is a bit problematic for Reader because uh... They can't tell what Tsukishima is thinking, which makes them on edge.

Kei had no idea what he was thinking when he somehow made the executive decision to put food into (L/N)-san’s bowl a few days ago. Maybe he had not been thinking at all. Or maybe the waves of intense emotions overflowing from the entire team had created a small spot of weakness in his emotional walls. Or maybe it was how she was clearly trying to keep a strong face for everyone, despite her slightly puffy eyes giving it away. Regardless of what had come over him that day, he was thankful that everyone else was too busy sobbing and coughing down food to pay attention to the semi-caring exchange that was occurring near the front of the table. If no one had noticed, that meant there would be no annoying questions of off-base accusations that would make his already turbulent thoughts even more chaotic.

Or, at least, that was what he had been blissfully thinking. Of _course_ Yamaguchi had noticed that exchange, and all of the little things that had been leading up to it. His friend had always been there to see everything, and now Kei was irritably wishing that Yamaguchi had kept his mouth shut. He had really gone and stirred up his thoughts after the two walked home from the study session earlier that day, causing Kei to lose more and more sleep by the minute. His mind kept replaying the conversation they had.

_“Tsukki, what do you think of (L/N)-san?” Yamaguchi suddenly asked once she closed the door of her home._

_“She’s weird,” he replied bluntly, not understanding where this question had come from._

_“No, I mean… Do you like her?” Yamaguchi clarified, eyes focused on his expression._

_Kei’s brow furrowed. He did not like where this was going. It was a question that had been quietly simmering at the back of his mind for the past week; a question that he had been avoiding like the plague._

_“She’s our friend, I think she’s tolerable,” he answered, refusing to elaborate._

_Yamaguchi nodded slowly. “Ok… But have you thought maybe that… You might see her differently than, let’s say, me?” He prodded._

_“What do you mean,” Kei replied, eyes narrowing slightly. He was hoping Yamaguchi was not referring to his moment of weakness that day._

_“You… Seem just a little different around her is all,” Yamaguchi started, his eyes falling to the ground as he tried to piece together the next part of his sentence. “Like when you fed her- OW!”_

_Kei had stepped on his foot, effectively cutting off Yamaguchi’s words._

_“I did_ not _feed her,” he started, feeling his ears warm up slightly. “I was just making sure she ate something other than rice. She would’ve gotten hungry again by the time we went home, which would’ve been a pain to deal with for thirty or so minutes.”_

_Yamaguchi had distanced himself slightly from Kei; he noticed that it was out of his leg range. “Are you sure that’s why you did that? You never bothered to do that to anyone else.”_

_Kei did not like the look that Yamaguchi was giving him. He decided to ignore the question, despite it taking root within his brain._

_“I’ve been your friend for a while now, Tsukki. And I can tell that you’re… Dealing with_ something _that involves (L/N)-san.”_

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he grumbled back, relief washing over him as he turned into the gate of his home._

_Yamaguchi let a half-defeated sigh escape from him. “Ok, if you say so. Just think about it a little, ok?” His friend wished him a good night before making his own way home._

_“Like I would think about something useless as_ emotions _,” Kei mumbled, opening the door to his home._

Except now, the joke was on him because he was laying in bed wide awake, very much engrossed in half-completed and confused thoughts about certain emotions that he had been trying to suppress.

 _What the hell, Yamaguchi._ He thought, rolling in his bed in an attempt to find a more comfortable position. _Thanks for planting thoughts in my head._

He knew that was a lie. Those thoughts had already been floating around in the depths of his mind, but with Yamaguchi’s prompting, they had surfaced and demanded to be examined in further detail.

He grabbed his phone, bringing it close to his face so he could see the time. The blinding light of his phone, unfortunately, read 01:14.

He groaned, putting his phone back on his night table. Not being able to sleep was a type of torture he was unwilling to be emotionally avoidant for anymore.

Yamaguchi’s first question rang in his head. _What do I think of (L/N)-san?_ He thought, a grimace forming on his face.

He remembered the first day of class, thinking she was weird for making herself stand out by wearing a face mask. And then at lunch, she ate as if she were terrified of someone watching her. He remembered thinking that because of how she was frantically choking down her food, she would attract more attention to herself. Then she appeared at the bus stop the same day. She reminded him vaguely of Yamaguchi when he first met him. She was small, soft-spoken, and easily spooked. He was indifferent towards her. She was just a weird classmate, that spent more of her time staring out the window instead of taking notes, among a sea of people he did not care to know.

Then the club met her outside of school hours, after afternoon practice. The sight had for some reason been etched into his memory. Small, wearing an oversized T-shirt and long skirt, clutching two milk cartons to her chest, without her normal face mask, and looking like she wanted nothing more than to drop over dead on the spot. He never forgot what her uncovered face looked like. _Ah. She’s unexpectedly pretty._ He remembered thinking for a moment before never returning to the thought again.

He had adamantly refused to interact with that memory, out of the slight fear that he would come to a useless and uncomfortable realization. Unfortunately, he was now forced to come to that useless and uncomfortable realization. After that day, he had been more aware of her presence.

His memories began to more quickly flash through his mind. The surprise he felt when she appeared in the wheelchair at the bus stop, with the intent on rolling herself to school to avoid both him and Yamaguchi. How she said she was willing to have a fresh start with _Yamaguchi_ but did not include him despite sitting right next to Yamaguchi (in retrospect, he had been nothing but rude to her).

And then somehow, he was at her doorstep for their first study session. He remembered feeling slightly irritated at the fact that Yamaguchi had convinced him to tag along and remembered he was even more irritated that he was unable to completely focus on the objective in front of him. Her soft voice always dragged his attention away. Eventually, he would become less distracted, allowing him to make the most out of the time the three spent studying. However, that did not stop him from staring at her when she was turned to help Yamaguchi.

He suddenly realized that Yamaguchi had probably picked up on his habit. He felt his face get hot as he laid his arm over his eyes. He wondered what else Yamaguchi had noticed. After the wave of embarrassment passed, he resolutely went back to think over his memories.

He remembered feeling shocked when she made an appearance at morning practice and continued to consistently come afterward. As if he was lacking in exposure to (L/N)-san already! It seemed as if she was going to be a constant part of his life, at this rate. A constant that he was comfortable with.

Then, Golden Week’s practice camp came and went, and Kei was quick to notice that he was not the only one who felt like a part of the club was missing. _Because everyone else is also missing her a little, these feelings are just normal._ He remembered chanting in his brain the entire week. After coming back from camp, he had tried to more amiable with her. He would never admit it aloud, but he had especially missed her voice.

He remembered watching Yamaguchi and (L/N)-san talk about something. He remembered feeling a twinge of… _Something_. He was unable to put it into words yet. But the next day when she uttered the name, “Yama-san” he knew exactly what it was. He felt left out. He felt like that one meme that ended with, “Am I a joke to you?” In fact, he still felt like that meme was topical, considering how most of the club was already in the “Nickname Club” despite most of them not spending nearly as much time with her as he did. He was a little bitter about it, to say the least.

Of course, he would not have much time to linger on that emotion because he suddenly remembered her smiling and crying face. Even with the mask obscuring half of her face, he could tell from the way her eyes crinkled that she was smiling in a way he had never seen before. He wished she would stop wearing the mask entirely. He really did not understand why she was so adamant about the bothersome article of fabric.

After that, she started coming to all their practices, much to his internal delight (the heavens forbid that he would admit that aloud, though). At this point, he had come to the realization that she rarely looked up at his face when they talked, which upset him slightly. She was always staring straight at his chest or at the ground when they talked. It offended him slightly because she seemed able to hold eye contact with almost everyone else within the club (who, once again, did not spend nearly as much time as he did with her).

Before he could unpack those feelings, he remembered something more recent. It was the night when Daichi-san had bought everyone buns, and she had gotten rather famished at the bus stop. He remembered elbowing Yamaguchi for giving him a weird look that he did _not_ appreciate while (L/N)-san was enjoying her bun. It suddenly clicked in his mind that Yamaguchi had figured out his own feelings before he did weeks in advance. Another wave of embarrassment engulfed Kei. Was he really that emotionally inept now?

Memories of her cheering and bouncing around at the stands during Inter-High filled his mind, her cheering filling him with a slight warmth that made him just _slightly_ more motivated to try harder. That compounded with the memory of her happily wriggling in her seat as she ate her lunch made him finally admit the real reason he had looked out for her the day they lost.

_I’m a little infatuated with her._ He thought tiredly, his mind suddenly becoming blank as his eyelids finally fluttered shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your support and comments, it means a lot to me!
> 
> Expect another update today because I am a glutton for punishment and I do not care about my biology exam tomorrow at 8 am. Surely this cannot be as horrid as the HL Biology exam.


	13. Uneventful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be honest the title says it all-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely not my best chapter but I don't know what to do!! The next chapter will definitely be more eventful... And involve a whole cast of characters, if you catch my drift... So please bear through this slog wl jfsdlfjow

The next two weeks were both eventful yet uneventful. The team practiced as usual, schoolwork was always a chore, she exercised her legs at home, and she spent a lot of her time with Yama-san and Tsukishima-san. The three had become comfortable friends, and she was wondering if they would be comfortable if she dropped the honorifics from their names (she knew that she would not mind if they dropped the honorific on hers). She made a note to ask them tonight when they came over to study.

Meanwhile, there were four notable developments, three pertaining to the club and one pertaining to herself. The first was that Karasuno had been invited to Tokyo to participate in some practice games with Nekoma and other neighboring high schools. Everyone was naturally excited. The players were excited to face Nekoma again, while she was excited because there was a chance that she could visit Ryuu. Of course, the initial excitement was quickly dashed when Takeda-san reminded the club that grades existed and that they were _crucial_ if _everyone_ wanted to go to Tokyo.

This was where the second development occurred. Thanks to some persuading on both her and Yama-san’s part, Tsukishima-san had (begrudgingly) agreed to tutor Sho-chan and Kage-san. She would have offered to tutor the two herself, but her past experiences with trying to tutor Sho-chan made her reluctant. She had always struggled with explaining academic-related things to him because he lacked the foundation of knowledge that her teaching style was based upon. She had a sneaking suspicion that Kage-san would be like Sho-chan in that regard. She sincerely hoped that Yama-san would be able to rein in Tsukishima-san’s provoking nature for the sake of both Sho-chan and Kage-san.

The third development was that there was a new manager-in-training. When Mizu-san had asked her if she could be the manager of the club for the next two years, she had politely declined.

_“I can help out with small things like laundry, filling up water bottles, clean-up and stuff but… I’m not really reliable as an actual manager,” she explained. “I lack a strong backbone to lead and inspire people… And I’m planning on having another commitment soon.”_

_She saw Mizu-san begin to wilt._

_“T-that doesn’t mean I plan on leaving the club though! I just won’t always be able to put all of my time into the club, is all,” she exclaimed. “You should probably find another first year who doesn’t have other commitments to become manager, I’m sure there are some around still!”_

That was how Yachi-san had been enrolled into the club. She liked Yachi-san from the moment she saw her peeking out from behind Mizu-san. She was another panicky minded and shy person, much like herself. After coming to practice and bonding with Sho-chan, Yachi-san quickly fit into the rest of the group and showed how capable of a manager she could be thanks to her design background. Things at Karasuno seemed to be looking up, their Inter-High blues exchanged for a renewed determination to win at the Spring Inter-High Tournament that would be held during March, which was a few months away.

Meanwhile, things were starting to change again for her (this time, by her own volition). The final development was that she had told Hotaru that she would start seriously practicing again in the comfort of her own home. He was ecstatic by the news, practically yelling into his phone when she told him the news.

_“Does that mean you might come back to dance on stage again?” He asked once he calmed down from his initial high._

_A small frown formed on her face. “No… I don’t think I can anymore,” she replied carefully, feeling her stomach twist._

_She heard him sigh on the other end. “Ok, that’s fair,” he started, she could hear him rummaging through his bag. “But would you be ok with recording some things with me again? The channel hasn’t been the same since you left… It’s fun and everything but… Dancing with Nao isn’t as fun.”_ _She could hear a pout forming in his voice._

Dancing on the channel would be ok, right? _She thought, absentmindedly beginning to chew on her lower lip._ It wasn’t the channel videos that… _Her thoughts trailed off, not wanting to be finished._

_“Sure,” she replied slowly, feeling her heart start to beat with excitement at the thought._

_She could feel Hotaru beaming at her despite their distance. “Perfect,” he exclaimed, cursing under his breath as something (it sounded like papers) fell to the ground. “What do you want to start with?”_

_“I’m ok with anything, so I’ll let you choose this time,” she answered, letting out a small sigh of content as her stretch deepened. “Anyways, it doesn’t really matter to me what we do. You’re the lead. I just follow.”_

_“Pfft. You make it sound like your job is easy-“_

_“It’s easier than yours.”_

_“Well you put in just as much time as I did when we practiced together,” he shot back. She was unable to find an adequate retaliation._

_“Anyways, I gotta start homework now, but I’ll let you know what to brush up on as soon as I can! Goodnight! I hope you can sleep well tonight.”_

_“Good luck with homework. Goodnight. I’ll try my best.”_

She let out a loud sigh as she rested her head on her desk, the memory of last night’s call quickly disappearing from her mind.

“Finally, lunch break,” she grumbled, allowing her eyes to flutter shut.

She was feeling particularly exhausted this week; ever since she started actively practicing again, her reoccurring dream had been more relentless than usual.

“Did you get enough sleep last night? That’s the third sigh you’ve had today,” Tsukishima-san asked, lightly poking her shoulder with the end of his pencil. She noticed that his tone was lacking its usual bite.

“Yeah, you’ve been looking more tired this week than usual,” Yama-san added softly.

She let out a loud huff. “No. Sleep evades me,” she answered bluntly, bringing her arms up around her head to block out some of the light. She felt like she was being a bit childish, but it was Friday and she had gotten about twenty to twenty-four hours of sleep the entire week. _I can be childish… As a treat._ She thought tiredly, trying to relax.

She felt the pencil lightly jab her side, causing her to yelp and sit up stiffly from the ticklish sensation.

“Tsukishima-san! I’m _trying_ to rest!” She hissed, sending him a glare as she put a hand over her side.

“Just because you’re tired doesn’t mean you’re allowed to skip meals,” he said plainly, gesturing to her lunch.

She debated ignoring him to put her head on the desk but decided against it.

 _He’d probably pester me until I started eating._ She thought, sending him another tired glare as she opened her lunch and unhooked half of her face mask. She made quick work of her lunch, as usual, and instantly returned to her resting position on the desk.

“Wake me up when break is over,” she mumbled, letting her tired eyes flutter shut again.

“Will do,” her two friends replied before beginning to chat softly amongst themselves.

She must have been more exhausted than she thought because the sounds of Yama-san and Tsukishima-san’s voices quickly faded as she fell into a, thankfully, dreamless sleep.

***

Thanks to her unexpected nap, she was feeling more refreshed for the rest of the day. Afternoon practice had wrapped up for the day and she was currently waiting for Yama-san and Tsukishima-san to come down from the clubroom.

She knew she would be waiting for quite some time, but she did not mind. If it meant that the club’s “resident morons” were all improving in the academic department, then waiting outside was worth it. From what Suga-san and Sawamura-san had told her, the group had started to raise their grades (much to the relief of everyone) and were extremely likely to go on the trip to Tokyo with the rest of the group. 

_It looks like they can get good grades if its for the sake of volleyball._ She thought, closing her eyes as a soft breeze ruffled through her hair.

The sound of the clubroom door closing and the sounds of pairs of feet above her caused her to open her eyes.

“(L/N)-san! Sorry to keep you waiting,” Yama-san exclaimed as he descended from the stairs.

“No worries,” she replied, adjusting her backpack. “How did it go?”

“They were being more stupid than usual, so it took longer,” Tsukishima-san explained, irritation laced in his voice.

She sighed, starting to walk off to the school gates. She knew they would catch up with her with their long legs.

“You really shouldn’t be so mean with them. They’re trying their best,” she lightly scolded him once the two had caught up to her.

“It’s not my fault they can’t read basic instructions or memorize anything outside of volleyball,” Tsukishima-san grumbled, walking beside her.

“Says the one who keeps getting the English grammar rules mixed up,” she teased, watching in amusement as the tips of his ears turned slightly pink. Yama-san had started to laugh but was quickly cut off by Tsukishima-san’s glare.

The trio made their way to their usual bus stop in relative silence, giving each other some time alone before they would go back to engaging with each other. With final exams just around the corner, she had a feeling that they would be over longer than usual.

 _That’s not such a bad thing, though._ She thought contently, absent-mindedly fiddling with her hair. _I really like spending time with these two. They’re more low energy than Hotaru and Sho-chan but they’re just as fun to be around. Maybe one of these days we should go and do non-school things together…_

***

The three were currently taking a quick break from studying, their brains half-fried from both the day and reviewing so much material in such little time. She had brought out some snacks for them to munch on since it was getting late and they had yet to finish reviewing everything. Tsukishima-san was scrolling on his phone and Yama-san was contently popping more snacks in his mouth. Thinking now was a good time to ask, she took a breath.

“So, uhm. I was wondering how you guys would feel if we dropped the honorifics?” She absent-mindedly began fiddling with her hair.

When they failed to respond, she quickly started backpedaling. “I mean- _I’m_ ok if you dropped the honorific from my name since I think we’re kind of good friends. But I totally understand if-“

“I don’t get why you’re making such a big deal about it,” Tsukishima-san interjected, making eye contact with her. “You want to drop the honorifics. Ok, sure. We’re fine with that, right, Yamaguchi?” She found his direct eye contact too intense and averted her eyes to Yama-san.

Yama-san nodded, “Yeah. I was planning to ask you about it anyway. Using “-san” all the time makes it sound like we’re just classmates and not friends.”

She let out a small sigh of relief. “I was just scared that maybe you didn’t think we were good friends or something-“ Her hands found their way into her hair again.

“We spend at _least_ 10 hours with you on a normal school day and we talk with each other every day too. Why the _hell_ would you think we all aren’t good friends by this point?” Tsukishima butt in, slight irritation laced in his voice.

She stiffened slightly. _Because I know all of that doesn’t mean anything._ She thought, holding her tongue. Instead, she managed to come up with a plausible reason, “Maybe you guys would’ve wanted me to add “-kun” instead of just dropping the honorific altogether.”

Tsukishima shrugged, motioning for her to take her seat. “Ok, whatever. Get back over here, we still have to study for English before we can leave and it’s getting late. I’m tired. And hungry.”

She complied, taking a seat in between the two, but not before Yama scolded Tsukishima for being rude.

“Tsukki! You can’t just _say_ that! We’re guests!”

A loud yawn came from Tsukishima, who had the courtesy to cover it with one of his large hands. “Yeah, but we’ve been studying for two hours now.” Once again, she thought he looked pretty. _And cute when he’s sleepy._ She thought, opening her notebook to her English notes. A mischievous idea popped into her mind.

“Since the big baby is getting sleepy, let’s speed through this- aH! TSUKISHIMA STOP POKING ME- I’M SORRY--!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep making it so everyone is English and honestly that's because I'm projecting. English isn't my first language (but I've been "doing" the language since I was pretty young) and there's just. Some things that I don't *get*. English is difficult and has so many rules and so many exceptions to the rules... Ugh.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for all of your support and comments! They mean a lot to me!


	14. The bus ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's shameless fluff and I enjoyed every second of writing it.  
> It's about 2.3k words of fluff. Enjoy. You won't get stuff like this for a while, probably lol

To Tsukishima’s amusement and the dismay of everyone else in the club, Sho-chan and Kage-san had failed one exam each. Unless they managed to pass their supplementary exams later that morning, then they would completely miss out on the joint practice matches being held in Tokyo. And even _if_ they passed, they would still be missing a chunk of the first day.

Because of a lack of the two brilliantly loud first-years, getting on the bus at the early hours of the morning happened quickly and quietly. Other than slurred ‘G’mornin’s’, no one was really in the talking mood (and no one was peppy enough to be bouncing around and shouting).

Judging by the sleepy-eyed faces around her (along with some crusted over eye goop on some of the boys), they had slept at least a little before boarding the bus. She wished she could say the same for herself. The whole night she had been rolling restlessly on her bed, which lead her to give up on sleeping altogether once it turned 03:30. Honestly, she was surprised that she was even a functional human being from how little sleep she had been getting the past two weeks.

 _That and we just finished our final exams. I’m so exhausted… Why can’t I sleep?_ She whined in her head as she placed her large duffle bag at the back of the bus. Before she went to choose a seat, she grabbed a small head pillow and fluffy blanket from the bag. _Y’know. Just in case I somehow manage to fall asleep._ She thought bitterly, draping the blanket around her shoulders as another yawn escaped her.

As she looked for a vacant row to sit in, careful to leave room for the other club members to walk past her to put their bags away, she tied the corners of the blanket together to create armholes for her blanket-robe. She quickly put it on, her mood slightly improving from the sheer warmth and fluffiness it contained. When she found a suitable seat, she shuffled herself into the window seat of the vacant row.

She had been hoping that she would have the row to herself so she could take off her mask and sleep (more realistically, she would be closing her eyes and going into the human equivalent of ‘sleep mode’), but it looked like Tsukishima and Yama had other ideas. Tsukishima took the seat directly next to her while Yama took the seat next to him, closest to the aisle.

She gave them a confused, bleary-eyed look before taking off her shoes to curl up into her seat. “Why?” She asked plainly as she snuggled herself into her blanket-robe, placing her small pillow against the corner of the seat and the window. She winced when she heard that her voice sounded like it normally did during the day. She hoped Tsukishima was not conscious enough to pick up on it and ask her if she had been sleeping; he had been doing that recently, much to her dismay.

It was Tsukishima’s turn to yawn, small tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Once again, she absent-mindedly thought he looked cutest when he was sleepy. She figured it was the vulnerability of it that made him look so endearing.

“’Er friends,” he managed, his voice gravely from sleep and lack of use during the night. Yama simply gave her a rather wonky looking smile, earning a light jab in the ribs by Tsukishima.

She was unsure if either of their responses answered her question but decided not to question the tired boys any further. They would be having an action-packed day once they arrived in Tokyo; they needed all the rest they could get.

The bus engine started up and he reached over to gently ruffle her hair, causing her to freeze at the sudden physical contact. She tried not to think about how much serotonin had flooded her from the simple gesture; she refused to believe that she was seriously so touch-starved that a platonic head pat made her yearn for more.

“Sleep,” he commanded, bringing his arm back into his own space before his eyes fluttered shut. The small part of her brain that was telling her she was touch-starved yearned for his hand to come back, but she quickly banished the thought.

Suddenly, the bus jolted forward, signaling the start of their three-hour trip. In a matter of minutes, an assortment of sleeping sounds filled the bus. She was sure that she and Takeda-san were the only ones currently awake to hear the sleeping symphony.

Despite how exhausted she was, sleep continued to play an unamusing game of hide-and-seek with her. She had been hoping that perhaps the sounds of the others sleeping would lure her into slumber, too. Alas, she was still “wide awake” (if you could count her sleep-deprived state as being wide awake) and conscious. Every time she would start slipping into unconsciousness, fear would shoot through her. Fear of the unknown- or fear of the unknown direction her dreams would take her this time, to be exact. Another part of her feared that if she fell asleep, she would fail to wake. She trusted Takeda-san, but that did not make her less afraid.

After about five rounds of almost slipping into sleep only to jolt herself awake, she gave up on sleeping entirely. With a small whine, she forced her eyes open. She grimaced at the offensive light streaming into her now light-sensitive eyes, giving herself a few seconds for her eyes to readjust to seeing again. Once the slight pain subsided, she slowly leaned forward turning her eyes towards the boys peacefully sleeping next to her.

She stifled a laugh when she saw Yama’s relaxed expression, a thin line of drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. Despite the drool, his sleeping form was endearing. Somehow the innocent-looking, mostly meek jump float server had become even more innocent looking. That, combined with the fact that he was sleeping on Tsukishima’s shoulder, made for the perfect recipe for tender feelings to bloom in her chest.

 _It must be nice to have friends to sleep on._ She thought, ignoring how her heart throbbed slightly at her own words.

Her gaze fell onto Tsukishima, whose relaxed, glasses-less face caused her cheeks to heat up by a few degrees. She rarely looked up at his face because he was much taller than her and because whenever she noticed him looking at her, she felt like he was trying to see into her very core; it was like he was trying to see through all of her half-lies and find her real, vulnerable self. She did not like it. If looking at his face was dangerous for her heart when he was awake, looking at his face while he was blissfully unaware and asleep was nearly sending her straight into heart failure!

He really was beautiful to look at, beautiful enough to consider a modeling career once he was old enough. Part of her wondered why he did not seem to have a line of hopeful confessors, then she remembered that he rarely talked in class and his generally contrary, slightly antagonistic attitude. She almost burst into laughter at the thought but managed to successfully silence herself.

Her eyes trailed up to his hair. She knew that she had thought his hair looked soft, but up close, it looked… Fluffy. Not nearly as fluffy as Sho-chan’s, but it was fluffy enough for her to want to reach out and touch it.

_Ah._

In her foggy mind, she had decided to reach out and put her hand lightly on his head.

 _It is soft._ She thought simply, her brain not quite processing everything clearly. She could hear the smallest part of her brain, that was unaffected by her lack of sleep, telling her to pull her hand away. The rest of her brain said to keep touching his hair.

She kept touching his hair.

She gently twirled his short, golden locks around her fingers, relishing in the soft, almost silky, texture. As she continued to gently pet Tsukishima’s hair, she noticed that his body temperature was pleasantly warm. In her somewhat inebriated state, she wondered what it would be like to be held in his arms.

It was getting a bit difficult to breathe comfortably. She pulled down her mask, letting the protective fabric rest underneath her chin. That small part of her mind yelled at her to pull the mask back up, but the rest of her mind was starting to fog up even more.

Her eyes felt heavy. She could feel the black claws of sleep dragging her down, yet there was a lack of fear this time. Her eyes closed. She was vaguely aware of her hand falling off his head. Her body leaned, resting on something firm. The last thing she could remember was Yama and Tsukishima’s sweet, sleeping faces.

***

Kei was unfortunately pulled away from a warm dream of someone gently running their fingers through his hair, forced to become vaguely aware of two not-particularly-heavy weights on both of his shoulders and the sounds of his upperclassmen sleeping. With a small groan, he cracked open his eyes to investigate the former, since his shoulders starting to slightly ache.

With his blurry vision, he could make out the familiar, poofy hair of Yamaguchi, who was leaning comfortably on his left shoulder. He was sure that if he could see, he would spot that small line of drool that always accompanied Yamaguchi when he slept. He let out a small sigh. Of course, Yamaguchi would fall asleep on him, he always did whenever they went on long, early morning trips. Although, thanks to Yamaguchi, everything was pleasantly warm- warm enough to keep Kei on the blurry boundary between awake and asleep.

He slowly turned his head and felt himself melt.

 _This must be a dream._ His foggy mind reasoned, unable to come up with a logical reason for what he was seeing.

(L/N) was sleeping on his right shoulder, her pillow left forgotten between the bus window and her own seat, her face smushed against him, and her left arm loosely wrapped around his own. He briefly wondered what it would feel like to hold her hand but managed to keep himself from doing anything an awake Kei would never do. He continued to gaze at her, trying to soak up as much detail as he could with his poor vision.

Her fluffy blanket-cape that she had nestled in was slipping off her right shoulder, pooling at her lap. He could tell that her mask had been pulled down, whether it was intentional or not he had no idea. He wished he could move to put on his glasses to see her face again, to see her expression. However, his glasses were safely tucked into his bag at the back of the bus.

Instead, he awkwardly managed to pull the mask up to at least cover her mouth just in case she had moved it off her face while she was asleep. Dream or not, he was sure that she would not want anyone seeing her face without her permission.

He stared blearily at her, basking in an unknown feeling bubbling in his chest. He felt the warmth radiating from the two bodies he was sandwiched between calling him back to sleep, which he tried to fight in order to stare at the mostly blurry figure to his right.

 _Let me stay in this dream for a little longer…_ He pleaded softly.

His heavy eyelids fell shut.

***

Kei woke up at the sound of a phone camera and snickers from some of his upperclassmen. Although he was unable to clearly see any of them, he could tell that Sugawara-san, Nishinoya-san, and Tanaka-san were looking at him and were up to no good. He sent them the most unamused, blind glare he could before he managed to speak.

“What’s so funny,” he asked, his voice gravelly.

“We didn’t know that you were a cuddly sleeper Tsukishima,” Sugawara-san replied, his amusement dripping from every word that left his mouth.

 _Cuddly_ what _?!_ Kei thought, the cogs in his brain beginning to turn.

Suddenly, he was _very much_ awake, and his face felt hot. He did not have to look to his left or right to realize that what he _thought_ was a dream was in fact, reality.

In the gentlest, but quickest way possible, he untangled his arm from (L/N) and nudged her sleeping form until it was resting on the pillow she had set up. He left Yamaguchi where he was, not wanting him to wake up and piece together what had gone on during their almost three-hour nap. The last thing he needed was for Yamaguchi to drop more brainworms on him about (L/N).

“Looks like the beanpole has a little _crush_ ,” Tanaka-san jeered playfully, his voice quiet enough to not wake up anyone who was still sleeping, but loud enough to be heard by those involved.

“How could someone uncool like you get a girl before me,” Nishinoya-san asked, slight irritation in his voice.

The heat on Kei’s face was now radiating off the tips of his ears and his neck. “Don’t make such a big deal out of it. She fell asleep on me. It doesn’t mean anything,” he replied, keeping a straight, indifferent face.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

“Yeah, but your red face is giving you away,” Sugawara-san teased. “Check your phone, you’ll be thankful later.”

Kei did as he was told, holding his phone close to his face as he opened the attachment, only to instantly turn off his phone. It was a picture of the three of them sleeping. He inhaled sharply. Despite only looking at it for a moment, the way (L/N) was nestled against him was permanently etched into his memory.

“Don’t talk about this to anyone, please,” he pleaded softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support and comments! They're what keeps me determined to write!


	15. Running away (again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who started following this story because of the fluff chapter... I regret to inform you that more soft fluff won't be happening again for... A relative while? I did tag this as slow burn so-- If you're willing to stick it out, I'd be more than happy to reward you with more good fluff in the future!

“(L/N), wake up. We’re here,” a slightly rough voice called, gently tearing her from the first peaceful slumber she finally had the luxury of experiencing in months.

“Buh sleeby,” she slurred, attempting to block out the bright light by burying her face into her blanket.

She heard a small laugh. “No more sleeby. We have to get off the bus,” the voice responded quietly, a hint of a teasing tone laced in their voice. They tugged the blanket away from her face.

At the full force of the sun’s light, her eyes squinted open. Tsukishima and Yama were standing in the aisle and the upperclassmen were starting to get out of the bus. She noticed that some of the upperclassmen were snickering.

“Finally, you’re awake. Wipe the eye crust off your face. We have to go,” Tsukishima ordered, walking swiftly out of the bus. Yama was nice enough to stay behind, helping her to her feet.

“Looks like you finally got some sleep!” He chirped, an oddly cheery smile on his face.

She nodded, pulling her mask until it hid her nose.

 _That’s… Weird._ She thought, starting to rub out her eye crusties. _I thought I pulled it down before I fell asleep._

She grabbed her bag from the back of the bus and left with Yama trailing behind her.

“WOAAAAHHH!!! IS THAT THE SKYTREE?!” Tanaka-san and Noya-san yelled, excitedly looking at a transmission tower.

 _They sure are peppy after getting a good nap._ She thought, trying her best to suppress the smile that was forming on her face. _And that’s also not the Skytree-_

She spotted two unfamiliar boys wearing red jersey pants and instantly felt a spark of fear. Suddenly, she remembered she was in a well-populated city, which meant hiding was of utmost importance. She instantly gravitated towards Tsukishima, who was covering up a yawn. She made sure her mask was secured properly on her face and hastily pulled her glasses out of her bag. _Maybe glasses will help too._ She thought, slipping them onto her face. _No one will be looking for glasses._

As the Karasuno team walked towards Nekoma’s school building, she quickly realized that hiding behind Yama and Tsukishima had been a brilliant idea. Before they had all walked through the doors of the school, a boy who radiated the same delinquent energy as Tanaka-san started making a scene.

“Girls! There are two now?! One pretty one and one cute one? This isn’t fair!”

Yachi-san gave her a rather terrified look as she walked past the manager-in-training. On the other hand, she was thankfully well camouflaged by her tall friends. Not wanting to draw attention to herself, she mouthed, ‘Just ignore him!’ to the girl. She remembered that she was wearing her mask. Yachi-san looked like she was about to cry.

Upon hearing Tanaka-san beginning to speak, she quickly pushed ahead of Tsukishima and Yama. Earning a slightly miffed look from Tsukishima. _Maybe neither of them will see me if I’m walking in front of them._ She thought, not wanting to be the next, new object of another hormonal boy’s fantasies.

“Actually,” Tanaka-san started, his boastful voice echoing underneath the archway, “We have _three_ girl managers. The other one is over there with the beanpole, like usual.”

“Tanaka-san I _hate_ you,” she muttered under her breath as she felt the eyes of a few Nekoma players staring at the back of her head. She heard the rowdy, Nekoma boy make another loud uproar, causing her to shrink into herself.

“Well it was only a matter of time until they figured out you exist,” Yama laughed, earning a small glare from her.

“Yeah, but I could’ve enjoyed a few more minutes of not being noticed by a bunch of tall, scary-looking boys,” she grumbled, wondering if she should go to change her hairstyle before going to the gym now that her presence was known. She doubted that a bunch of city boys fixated on volleyball would notice her, but she was worried about the city _girls_.

“Well, since you’re so small I’m sure no one will notice you too much after this,” Tsukishima added nonchalantly, a small smirk on his face.

She groaned, “Thanks for your encouraging words.”

***

She had gone with her idea of changing her hairstyle to remain unnoticeable. After everyone had put up their bags in their respective rooms, she had excused herself from the group and beelined for the bathroom. The only problem was that she only knew how to style her hair in two ways: functional ponytail and catastrophic bun.

She had ultimately decided on the functional ponytail because being spotted in the catastrophic bun would have killed her instantly. Only Hotaru and Ryuu could see her hair like that. Thankfully, the ponytail made her look like a nameless, country bumpkin. It was a _functional_ ponytail, not an _aesthetic_ one, after all.

After changing her hair, she entered the gym and immediately felt overwhelmed. The sheer number of tall, unfamiliar boys warming up for volleyball practice matches made her want to run out. Were some of the boys taller than Tsukishima? Running out was starting to seem tantalizing now.

“(L/N)-san! Over here!” Yachi-san called, waving her arms from across the courts.

 _Agh, I’ve been spotted!_ She thought, resigning herself to staying inside the gymnasium. She took a deep breath to calm her racing heartbeat and carefully made her way to her team, where it was safe and comfortable. She felt a few pairs of eyes on her, but there was a lack of comments. _Good._ She thought, sighing softly once she reached Yachi-san’s side. _Hopefully they’ll be too occupied with how beautiful Mizu-san and Yachi-san are to even look at me if any of them decide to look at the girls here._

“Have I missed much?” She asked her hands instinctively going to fiddle with her hair, only to remember she had tied up.

“Kind of, everyone has started the practice matches,” Yachi-san replied, eyes glued to the courts. “You missed some really scary plays, but I’m sure you’ll get to see them soon.”

Her eyes scanned the courts for strong-looking opponents when her eyes landed on the court where Nekoma and Fukurodani were playing. She watched with a mix of awe and horror as a boy with spiky, black and white hair spiked a ball. His presence on the court was intense, and she could feel it from across the court. Not to mention, the sound of his hand hitting the ball radiated “Just _try_ to stop me.”

It seemed like that message had been received by one of the Nekoma players. He was small and somewhat spindly. But the most important thing was that he had flinched away from the spiked ball, allowing it to barrel straight towards Tsukishima.

Her throat tightened in a slight panic, unable to warn him of the ball that would most likely break his glasses. Thankfully, Yama had called out to him, saving Tsukishima from receiving the high-velocity ball with his face. However, the back of his left hand looked like it was hurting. She noticed that he was gently rubbing the area where the ball had connected. She made a mental note to check on his hand later.

“That spike was so intense…” Yachi-san murmured, shivering slightly.

She nodded, “Yeah… I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so powerful.”

“He’s one of the top five spikers, after all,” Mizu-san calmly added.

 _Top five spikers…_ She thought, looking at Karasuno’s court. _If only Kage-san and Sho-chan had done well on their exams… They could be here honing their skills with everyone else_

***

When Sawamura-san called for yet another round of flying drills, she felt her heart sink. The entire day, Karasuno had lost every single match. This would be their eighth consecutive loss. It was not that the team was playing poorly, but there was a great difference in experience, power, and synergy between Karasuno and the other Tokyo teams.

Both she and Yachi-san were having a difficult time ignoring the soft insults being thrown at Karasuno. Everyone but Nekoma was starting to believe that the practice match that gave Nekoma a run for their money had simply been a fluke. What the other teams did not know was that Karasuno was currently missing two of their regular players, players who were integral to the team.

She and Yachi-san started to scowl, becoming increasingly more agitated by all the back-talk they were hearing about their team.

“Just stay strong, you two. It shouldn’t be much longer until the other two get here,” Mizu-san soothed, a smile on her face.

As if on cue, the gym doors opened, revealing a beautiful blonde woman. Behind her, she could see the determined faces of Kage-san and Sho-chan.

Overcome with renewed excitement, she waved widely at them, “You’re finally here! Get in there already!”

Sho-chan waved back, excitement overflowing from his small body.

The three managers grinned at one another.

“Now they’ll get to see Karasuno in action,” she cheered happily.

***

Unfortunately for Sho-chan and Kage-san, they had arrived at the last game of the day. However, their arrival did bring up morale and allowed the team to win one match.

 _Not to mention everyone is starting to realize how good our team really is._ She thought smugly as she sat down with Tsukishima and Yama for dinner, unconsciously taking a seat next to Tsukishima. The two had been considerate and had taken their food outside, away from the eyes of others.

“How are you two feeling?” She asked, enjoying the slight, summer breeze.

“I didn’t really do much today other than cheer for everyone, so I’m not tired,” Yama started, his voice sheepish. “But I’m planning to practice more of my serves later! You can come watch if you want to.”

She smiled, “Of course I’d love to watch you practice! I might not know anything about the technical stuff, I could maybe help you with your form.”

She looked up at Tsukishima, noticing that his dinner portion was rather small for all the work he had been doing during the day. She decided not to comment on it, but she made a mental note to make sure he was eating well.

“How about you, Tsukishima? How is your left hand?” She asked, looking up at him.

He seemed a bit surprised, maybe he thought she had not noticed the way he gingerly held his left hand. “I feel a bit worn out, I guess. But it’s really nothing,” he started, his eyes deftly avoiding her own.

He examined his left hand absent-mindedly, bringing it up to his face. She cringed slightly at the purple blooms growing on his pale skin. She wanted to take it and look at it herself, but she had a feeling that Tsukishima would not appreciate such an invasion of his personal space.

“My hand’s a bit tender, but it’s not the worst injury,” he added, starting to eat.

“Are you sure, Tsuki? Fukurodani’s number 4 is a really strong spiker…” Yama asked after swallowing his food. “Also the bruise looks a bit bad.”

Tsukishima sighed, “I said I’m fine. You two are making a big deal out of nothing.”

The trio was suddenly blanketed in relative silence, the two boys eating away while she debated whether she was comfortable enough with the two to take off her mask completely. The idea had been bouncing around in her mind lately, but since they ate in the classroom, she always decided against taking off her mask. Currently, they were alone together and there was no one to accidentally see her full face.

After a moment of internal debate, she decided that they most likely had zero knowledge on somewhat niche, popular channels on MiiTube and that she was comfortable enough to be more herself around them.

After confirming that no one else was around, she casually (or at least she hoped she looked casual) unhooked her mask from her ears, neatly folding it into two. She set the fabric down on the ground beside her, the hairs on her body standing on end at the unfamiliar sensation of warm air blowing against the lower half of her face.

 _I haven’t been outside without my mask since they found me buying milk that day._ She realized. _It feels nice to feel the breeze and not constantly feel hot and stuffy._

She picked up her chopsticks and began to eat, trying her best to not make a scene about removing her mask. Even if to her, this was a _very_ big deal.

To her surprise, the two had not noticed the change. They were too busy eating.

“S-so Tsuki,” Yama started suddenly, causing her to look up at him.

They made eye contact and she could see the surprise scrawled across Yama’s face. Her heart started to beat faster. She wanted to put her mask back on again, causing her to mentally berate herself. _I said I was ok with them seeing me. I’m not allowed to back out now._

She did not reach for her mask, but she could feel her cheeks grow a bit warm. She wondered if he thought her face was nice to look at.

“Hm?” Tsukishima responded, looking up at his friend. It seemed like he had yet to notice her mask-less face since he had to turn his head away from her to look at Yama.

“Are you not going to practice after dinner?” Yamaguchi finished, eyes flitting away from her face.

 _He’s not going to say anything?_ She thought in surprise. Regardless, she was thankful that Yama chose not to bring attention to the change.

“Everyone else is going to be practicing, and if we practiced together it’d be-“

“No thanks. After this I’m going to wash up and go to bed,” Tsukishima cut in, causing Yama to wilt slightly.

Once again, his response confused her. Her brows knit together slightly. For someone who seemed to care enough about volleyball and his team (albeit in subtle ways), the effort (or lack thereof) said otherwise. She was about to voice her thoughts when a tall, messily fluffy-haired Nekoma student walked up to her. If she remembered correctly, he was “Kuroo-san.”

“Hey, the name’s Kuroo Tetsuro, nice to meet you, third manager of Karasuno. We haven’t met yet,” he said pleasantly, as he lowered himself down to sit in front of her. His eyes were focused on her face and she did not like the way he seemed to be examining her.

She stiffened slightly, feeling naked and too vulnerable without her mask. “H-hello. I’m (L/N) (F/N). It’s nice to meet you,” she replied uncertainly. Why had this third-year suddenly come out of nowhere to speak with her?

“It’s nice to meet you, (L/N)-san. By the way, you don’t happen to know anything about H & H, do you?” He asked suddenly, curiosity gleaming in his eyes. His face was adorned with a sleepy-eyed sort of smile, reminiscent of a cat that was lazily toying with its prey. She was not particularly fond of how he was looking at her.

At the mention of the channel name, she began to panic. Her mind raced to come up with some believable lie. She had been doing that a lot this past year, huh.

“I’m sorry? I don’t know what that is. Is it a clothing brand or something?” She answered innocently, managing to keep her voice from wavering. Her breathing was starting to get uneven as her unease increased.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Tsukishima looking down at her. He probably had a surprised expression on his face, but she was too focused on maintaining uncomfortable eye contact with the Nekoma third-year.

“They’re a kind of popular channel on MiiTube. They’re a dance group that posts their performances and edited dance videos on their channel. I was just asking since you kind of look like one of the girls.” Kuroo-san gave her a friendly smile, but it only made her want to run away. She could feel nervous sweat forming on her back.

 _Please don’t say any identifying information._ She begged, trying her best to keep herself from trembling.

“That girl was one of the most popular people out of the group, actually. Though, now that I think about it, Hane-chan doesn’t wear glasses.”

Her breath hitched slightly at the name, but she quickly recovered. If she showed too much distress, then the past that she had been trying so hard to run away from would resurface.

“Ah, I’m… Sorry? For the confusion, I mean.” She slowly stood up from her seat, acutely aware that Yama, Tsukishima, and Kuroo-san were staring at her face now. She grabbed her leftover food and mask, stepping carefully around Kuroo-san, “Anyways, I need to go call my older brother now. I promised I would call him once things settled down.” She faced Kuroo-san and bowed slightly, “Goodbye, Kuroo-san. It was nice meeting you.” She turned to her two friends. Yama looked confused while Tsukishima looked like he normally did. “Yama, I’ll see you later to watch you practice. Sleep well, Tsukishima,” she said, putting false cheer in her voice to mask how unwell she was feeling.

With deliberate slowness, she dumped the rest of her food into the nearest garbage bin. Her appetite had completely disappeared. _I’m sorry for wasting food._ She thought, putting her mask on as she made her retreat. She could feel their eyes staring at the back of her head; she hated it. Her heart was beating erratically, and her breaths were shallow and choppy. She was feeling horrible. Once she was out of sight, she made a mad dash to the shared female students’ room.

_I should never have let myself be vulnerable like that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently off on break from university but I also have a research job? So I guess I'm technically still doing university things? I probably won't have time to just sit and write like I've been doing for the past three weeks, unfortunately. I'll try to update on the weekends!
> 
> Chapter-wise, this was difficult to write? The anime/manga really doesn't show you the passage of time that well since it's all just focused on everyone practicing volleyball or the official matches... Which makes things difficult for me... Regardless, I hope this chapter is... interesting?
> 
> Thank you so much for all of your support and comments. It really makes me happy to know that others are finding enjoyment out of some really self-indulgent idea of mine.


	16. Foggy and heavy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up! This chapter doesn't have... Much going on. The next chapter will have more substance in it though, so please be patient! Thank you!

After Kuroo-san’s unwanted questioning, she had been feeling rather miserable for the rest of their stay at Nekoma. Thankfully, no one else from the other schools had approached her to talk, and Yama and Tsukishima did not bring up what had happened. However, that did not ease her anxiousness. Was she really that recognizable? Or was Kuroo-san just that perceptive? Either way, she was relieved when they were preparing to leave.

Aside from her own worries, there was growing tension between members of the team that was worrying her. There was no doubt that _something_ had to be done with the team, or else they would never stand a chance in the Spring Nationals preliminaries. They just were unsure of what.

She was beginning to worry about Sho-chan, especially. She could tell he was feeling cornered ever since more and more players started blocking his “eyes-closed fast attack” with Kage-san. His fear of no longer being on the court was making him more antsy than usual. She could understand the feeling, even if she had ultimately given up on being directly in the light. _But for Sho-chan, staying on the court is all he’s ever wanted._ She thought, once again claiming a seat next to the window.

The entire bus ride back was much like the first, with the exception that she was unable to sleep. She had been unable to sleep well since Kuroo-san had decided to have a casual chat with her. That was also another reason why she was feeling so miserable. From the concerned looks that Yama and Tsukishima had given her before they fell asleep on each other, she probably looked like a trash heap from the lack of sleep.

 _Hopefully once I get home, I’ll be so exhausted I’ll sleep well._ She thought, staring blankly at the window.

***

Unfortunately, for the time that they were back in Miyagi, the team was scattered, just like her foggy brain’s thoughts. Kage-san and Sho-chan had a falling out, and everyone was feeling the negative tension between them. From what Sho-chan had texted her, Kage-san had refused to toss to him, absolutely shattering his heart. He had told her that he was trying to find a way to “fight for himself,” which was why he was currently training with Ukai-san’s grandfather; things seemed to be going well on that front, at least. She hoped that the duo would be at ease with each other again soon.

As for the others, Ukai-san was teaching everyone the concept of different tempos. The majority of the second-years, Suga-san, and Sawamura-san were practicing all of their different techniques and skills, while others were practicing more niche play styles.

Azumane-san and Noya-san were practicing together in a separate gymnasium, trying to add a new technique to their repertoire. The ace was focusing on honing his serves, while the libero was trying to replicate the libero toss from Aoba Johsai.

Of course, the upperclassmen were not the only ones who were trying to change. From what Yachi-san had told her, Kage-san was scarily practicing a new type of toss.

_“It’s a toss that goes up like phoosh! But after it hits the peak it goes psh!” She explained, her body moving in a frenzy that reminded her of Sho-chan._

_“You mean instead of a straight path it’s more parabolic?” She asked, laughing at her classmate’s cute antics._

_She nodded enthusiastically. “B-but every time he messes up, he gets this really scary expression on his face! It’s like he wants to murder something-”_

Meanwhile, Yama was continuing to practice his jump float serves with Shimada-san. After flubbing his serves in the match against Aoba Johsai, he had been practicing with renewed vigor. From what he had told her, he was starting to get most consistent.

Unfortunately, that meant she was often taking the bus and walking home with just Tsukishima. This would have been fine under normal circumstances, but after processing what had happened on the bus (exhaustion apparently made her do stupid, embarrassing things), she was constantly in fear that Tsukishima somehow _knew_ what she had done on the bus ride to Tokyo _and_ her online identity. Thankfully, he showed no sign of knowing anything about the former. She had asked him about the bus ride to Tokyo and he had replied with a rather lackluster, “We were all sleeping. Nothing happened.”

The situation on the latter was a different story, though. She knew Tsukishima was smart, even if he occasionally messed up with the small things like English grammar rules and the most basic math skills. She hoped that maybe this time he had a stroke of ignorance. Much to her dismay, he seemed to be more awkward around her since the first weekend at the Tokyo away games. Instead of her struggling to make and maintain eye contact, he was constantly avoiding directly looking at her face. When they talked, he seemed a bit stiff, as if he wanted to say something else but was unable to form the right words. She had a sinking feeling that he had figured her out, which filled her with a state of constant, low-simmering panic.

In addition to her personal problems, both she and Yama had talked about how unmotivated Tsukishima was about practicing outside of club meetings. They were worried. How could he be so indifferent about something he enjoyed, albeit in an extremely subdued fashion? It made her frustrated, a bit jealous, even. He could do what he wanted without anything holding him back, so why was he refusing to put in more effort to excel at what he was doing? She would do anything to be able to pursue what she loved with reckless abandon…

Pulling herself out of her own thoughts, she looked at her phone to confirm her suspicions. She had been awake for the past twenty-four hours and they would be leaving for Tokyo relatively soon. Her bags had been packed with all of her essentials, she had texted Ryuu and Hotaru updates on how everything was going (poorly), and she was now stuck waiting for four more hours until she could leave her house and walk with Tsukishima and Yama to the bus.

She had given up on sleeping for the night and was not planning on doing anything that required too much brainpower. Her brain was already running on fumes. Much to her frustration, her body was very much _awake_. If she had not forced herself to stop pacing up and down the empty hallways, she was sure she would have worn a groove into the floor. So, she begrudgingly pulled up a video on her phone.

“If I can’t sleep and I can’t be academically productive, I might as well keep practicing like everyone else,” she grumbled, pulling up her hair in a catastrophic bun.

While the boys were practicing their volleyball skills, she had been refreshing her memory on the basics. She was surprised that her body was still able to replicate most of the movements in her repertoire with relative ease and grace. However, her legs were still tight, and her leg pains would occasionally flare up if she did anything too intense. Furthermore, she knew her technique and form were rather sloppy, but without a room with mirrors, it was difficult to correct herself.

For the time being, this would be enough. For now, she just needed to burn time.

***

The sound of heavily packed bags, shoes on pavement, and singing crickets accompanied the three as they reached the bus. Luckily, all three of them were too tired to talk or care about the awkwardness between two-thirds of the group.

Sho-chan’s excited, way-too-awake-for-this-hour voice rang out as they approached.

“Oh man! Going off in the middle of the night is so exciting!”

Tsukishima glared at him and from the way his eyes had been half-open the entire walk, he must have been sleeping before walking to school.

“Being an idiot must be nice,” he started, a sleepy sneer forming on his face. “You can fall asleep anywhere.”

His words sparked a small commotion with Sho-chan and Tanaka-san, but the team fell silent when Ukai-san and Takeda-san addressed them.

She was unable to truly process their words. All she could think about was how terrible she felt. She tried to remember if she had eaten anything after lunch. The lack of sleep combined with the exhaustion of constantly feeling anxious was proving to be a dangerous combination. She could barely remember what she had done in the past 24-hours.

After the team had been dismissed to enter the bus, she was quick to snatch the same seat as before after stashing her bag at the back of the bus. She placed her small pillow against the window and the seat, resting her head as she curled up her entire body into the seat. With a small tug, her blanket was securely wrapped around her. She was prepared to “rest.”

Hearing the rustling of clothing drew her attention to the seats next to her. Despite how he had been acting this week, he still decided to sit next to her on the bus, with Yama once again sitting farthest away from her. Yama leaned forward in his seat and gave her a small smile, which she returned with a small wave.

Once everyone was settled and the bus started moving, the noise quickly died down as everyone started falling asleep. Meanwhile, she was half-awake and felt like death. The combination of traveling by car and traveling at night was bringing back dream-memories that she would much rather forget.

The need for sleep quickly overtook her fears, plunging her into a familiar, unwanted dream.

***

_She had seen these scenes so many times before. They played in her mind like a looping tape, tormenting her. At this point, she tried her best to focus on hyper-specific details to ease the panic and pain._

_The bright, flashing lights._

_The cold rain seeping into her body._

_The wailing sirens._

_The fear._

_The way her throat constricted, preventing her from saying anything._

_She groped forward, her hands coming back slick with something that made her squeeze her eyes shut._

_“There’s a little girl in here!” A voice cried out, piercing through the commotion that her brain was struggling to process._

_Bright lights were shined onto her face, and suddenly the scene changed._

_She was standing at a crosswalk. She could not remember why or how she got there._

_Her mask was snuggly on her face and she was bundled up for the winter. Yet despite the extra protection from the cold, her entire body felt chilled, dull, and unbearably heavy._

_The light turned blue, signaling for her to walk._

_Had it really turned blue? She still was unable to remember that detail clearly._

_The sound of screeching tires and honking echoed in her ears._

_She turned to her left and froze._

_Her throat tightened again._

_She squeezed her eyes shut._

_She was aware of pain blossoming in her body._

_A harsh thump._

_A feeling of weightlessness._

_Quiet._

_The tape rewound._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to finish writing and post this chapter on the weekend. But then I had to go on two impromptu trips so... It didn't happen. Once again, I'm not entirely satisfied with the chapter. It's like. I'm not ever satisfied unless there's some tooth-rotting fluff. But it's not the time for that yet. It's been a struggle ahah.
> 
> Anyhow, thank you so much for all of your support! So many people have left comments and kudos and it makes me so happy! It makes me feel less discouraged about writing. Expect another chapter in a few days because I've already started writing it to make up for the lack of "stuff" that happens in this chapter!


	17. Everyone has secrets

Thanks to the nap he had taken earlier that night, Kei was feeling well-rested after a few more hours of sleep. The only downside was being awake was being aware of how Yamaguchi was comfortably resting on his shoulder while he tried to accommodate his friend. His friend’s head was not necessarily heavy but holding it up for hours on end was making his left shoulder sore. That, and he was bored out of his mind.

His gaze cautiously shifted to his right. Luckily, (L/N) was asleep. He was relieved. For the past five days, she had been looking more and more like a ghost. Her skin was paler, accentuating the profound dark circles around her eyes. Hinata had off-handedly mentioned that she had always been a terrible sleeper- something about how she rarely was able to sleep for more than five hours a night. Kei wondered if there was a reason why she never seemed to sleep well.

As he continued to observe her sleeping form, his brain reminded him of the two things that had been plaguing his mind since going to Tokyo. The first had been thankfully kept well under wraps thanks to the suspicious compliance of his upperclassmen. They had yet to even _suggest_ that something had happened on the bus ride to Tokyo, which was a great relief to Kei. The second-to-last thing Kei wanted was for (L/N) to find out that she had been cuddling him in her sleep – not that he had particularly minded, though he would rather die than admit that aloud.

However, despite no one talking about the bus ride, she had asked him on multiple occasions during the week if, “anything had happened” while she was asleep. He had always managed to respond with a cool, “Nothing happened,” but internally he was a panicked mess. More accurately during those moments, he was a more panicked mess than normal. Since coming back, he had always been slightly antsy around her.

This led him to the last thing Kei wanted for (L/N) to find out. He had stuck his nose where it did not belong, and he had seen a side of her that he had never seen before. The catalyst for this discovery was when the study-group trio had been sharing a comfortable moment, only for Kuroo-san to ruin it. She had finally taken off her, only to be scared away at the mention of “H & H” and “Hane-chan.” At that moment, Kei had thought nothing of the third-year’s words, too preoccupied with feeling somewhat pissed at the messy-haired Nekoma player.

However, once he settled into bed that night, it occurred to him that (L/N)’s reaction had been rather odd. He had (unfortunately) only been able to see her full face for a few moments, but from his proximity, he could tell that she was panicked in a way that was different from how she reacted when she first met the Karasuno Volleyball Club. Part of him wanted to look up what Kuroo-san had said, while the other told him it was none of his business. He made the mistake of siding with the former.

With a few taps, Kei found the H & H MiiTube channel. It was about four-or-so years old and had a surprising following of 2.7 million. Kei browsed some of the videos, noting that all of them were dancing videos and that most of them centered around a pair. One boy and one girl. The girl looked uncannily familiar. However, the pair had stopped posting videos together about a year ago. The newest videos, posted around the beginning of the school year, were of the same boy from before and a new girl.

With some more investigating, Kei had discovered that the first girl’s name was Hane and the boy accompanying her was named Ho. The two also were involved with a group of other dancers, but the focus of the channel was the two of them. They seemed to be extremely close and comfortable with one another, always in each other’s personal space and casually resting on each other in rather unorthodox ways during their “behind the scenes” videos. Their strong rapport led many fans to believe that they were dating. Kei decided to ignore that part; it was probably their fans seeing wanting to see something that wasn’t there.

After a few more videos, Kei confirmed his suspicions. (L/N) was Hane, she was sort of famous, and she was beautiful when she smiled (there two other thoughts he had been having, but he aggressively pushed them to the deep recesses of his mind). The “beautiful when she smiled” point struck a chord with him. When she danced with Ho, she always looked like she was most herself and comfortable in his arms. Her body language and how she moved shouted at Kei that she had complete trust with whoever Ho was. It made him squirm in an unfamiliar way and tried to escape the feeling by focusing on only her, specifically, her smile.

He remembered staying up late, combing through the videos to see every glimpse of her smile. How she had such a sincere and unabashed look of joy on her face. How her smile was stretched into the widest grin that made his heart throb in an unfamiliar way. Kei wondered if she would ever smile that widely when she was doing other things outside of dancing, or at him.

***

She had lost count on how many times the “tape” had rewound. Usually, after about fifty times, her brain had the mercy to let her drift into the black abyss of dreamless sleep. She was not so lucky this time.

The more the dream-memories replayed, the more she could feel the weight on her shoulders and heart drag down on her. The _guilt_. She could feel it swirling around her, making it hard to breathe in the dreamscape air.

A voice that she had not physically heard in years jeered at her. “You should’ve just kept it as a hobby! If you had, it wouldn’t be like this!”

Upon hearing the voice, she started to gasp for air. It felt like she had forgotten how to breathe.

“It’s your fault.”

The finality of the statement sent her thoughts into a frenzy.

_No- You’ve got it all wrong- I didn’t do anything- I didn’t want this- I just wanted-_

She crumpled to the floor, her hands over her head. It hurt to breathe. She for everything to stop.

Suddenly, a warm hand rested on her shoulder and her eyes opened.

To her great relief, she was back on the bus and feeling significantly less exhausted (ironically enough). Her breathing was uneven and brisk, much like in her nightmare, and her bleary eyes quickly landed on the extremely concerned faces of Tsukishima and Yama. Behind them, she could see that the other volleyball players were walking with their bags casually slung over their shoulders.

“We’re at Tokyo now,” Yama started, pulling her bag from behind him. He must have retrieved it before the two woke her up. “A-are you ok,” he asked softly, handing her the bag.

She accepted it without a word, and hastily stuffing her blanket and pillow into it. She cleared her throat, hoping that doing so would make her sound less disgusting.

“Yeah. I just had a bad dream is all, no biggie,” she replied, slinging the bag over her shoulder with perhaps a bit too much force.

“If you say so… If you want to talk about it, we’re here.” Yama gave her an unsure smile. She nodded curtly, and the trio made their way to the exit. She locked her gaze to the textured, rubber-matted floor of the bus.

Before they reached the exit, Tsukishima handed her a pack of tissues. She looked up at him in slight confusion. He did look directly at her. “You were crying in your sleep. Use them for now and wash your face when we get to the building,” he mumbled.

It was then that she realized her mask was damp and that her face felt irritated. She accepted the tissues. “Thanks,” she replied softly. She quickly dried her face before stepping off the bus, the summer heat fanning in her face.

Upon stepping out, the excited voices of the Karasuno Volleyball Club nearly gave her emotional whiplash. Not wanting to draw attention to herself, or to dampen the mood of the enthusiastic boys, she forced back the negative thoughts that were swirling around her. Thankfully, the rowdy members of the club quickly distracted her from the heavy thoughts with their usual boisterous antics.

With a tired smile, she trailed close behind Tsukishima and Yama, thankful that she had found such an exciting and bright group of people to surround herself with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! There have been so many people leaving such nice comments and it makes me so happy ;;w;; Waking up in the morning before work and seeing them really makes me more determined to work hard!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for all of your support!
> 
> For the next few chapters, we will be knee-deep in the Tokyo away games (finally LOL). I hope you will look forward to it!


	18. Summer training camp: Day one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long on this chapter? The research thing I'm doing really ate up my time lskjafls I had to learn a new programming language (I have 0 prior experience to programming languages) so uhh... That took a while!
> 
> Thank you for your patience! I hope it was worth the wait?

Even if resting came at the expense of reliving painful memories, she was glad that the extra sleep had turned her from zombie-like to mostly-functional-human. She was also extremely thankful that the constant practice matches in the stuffy gymnasium were keeping her mind from shutting down. Between helping Mizu-san and Yachi-san with manager duties and cheering for the Karasuno members, she had no time to do anything other than the volleyball teams in front of her.

Particularly, she and Yachi-san had been worrying about the state of Kage-san and Sho-chan’s relationship. It had been about three weeks since they last talked to each other, and the tension was a bit suffocating. However, after seeing the new toss that Yachi-san had told her about and the results of Sho-chan’s outside training, she had a feeling that the aura between the two would change by the end of the week.

Unfortunately, the lack of synergy between the two first-years paired with the unskilled execution of new techniques caused Karausno to lose every match, which was always followed by penalty sprints up a steep hill. Although everyone felt disheartened after each loss, it was clear that the boys were determined to use their losses as opportunities to improve themselves. From the way that their eyes smoldered after each loss, it was clear that they would continue to practice until they came out on top.

 _All but one of them._ She thought plainly, stepping out of the shower. The images of Tsukishima continuing to perform _just_ well enough to get by replayed in her mind.

With the permission of Mizu-san and Yachi-san, she had showered earlier than anyone else (she had decided that taking a bath would take too long). Being completely alone meant she could take off her mask without worrying about someone seeing her face. If Kuroo-san knew about H & H, she was sure there were others at the camp that knew them, too. It was best to not unmask herself unless necessary, even if it meant putting a palpable distance between herself and the unfamiliar managers.

Quickly drying her hair, she broke into a moderately paced power walk as she made her way back to the courts. She had specifically promised Yama that she would critique his form, and she knew the others would probably ask her to judge the forms of their developing techniques. She guessed that her experience for dancing made her more observant of “proper form,” and the other players had picked up on her keen eye.

 _I’m glad that I can be useful even if I can never remember any of the actual volleyball jargon._ She thought, exiting the doors of the main building.

Her walk was quiet, almost too warm for comfort, and was accompanied with constant arm waving as bugs decided to cuddle up on her exposed skin. The light jacket she had been wearing was soon hesitantly tied around her waist when her body temperature rose to “uncomfortably warm.” She hoped that the bugs would have mercy on her.

As she passed Gymnasium 3, the sound of Tsukishima’s voice drew her attention and caused her to stop in mild shock. She peeked in from the edge of the doorway, choosing to ignore the fact that she felt like a child for doing so.

Standing like he would rather be elsewhere than accompanying the personal practice of the Nekoma captain and the ace and setter of Furokudani, Tsukishima was practicing his blocks against the rowdy ace.

 _Tsukishima? Practicing outside of club or camp hours? That’s…_ She watched as he struggled to block against Bokuto-san’s spike. _Unbelievable._ Taking a good look at Tsukishima’s face, he seemed to be motivated by spite, which made the scene slightly less shocking.

After Tsukishima failed a few blocks, Kuroo-san quickly joined in. She was amazed at the difference he made. From his experience and his instruction, Kuroo-san and Tsukishima were able to shut out most of Bokuto-san’s spikes. She felt a spark of excitement bubble within her. If Tsukishima continued to practice with this group, she was sure that he could find his niche in the team. Maybe if he had a niche of his own, he would put more effort into the sport.

All too soon, the group quickly stopped practicing and had entered a small conversation.

“If you don’t push yourself, Shorty will snatch up all the glory.”

She could hear the smugness in the Nekoma captain’s voice; he was trying to egg Tsukishima on. She thought he would take the bait by retaliating with something snarky like he normally did when confronted, but she was met with something else entirely.

“I don’t think there’s anything I can do,” he started. His back was facing her, but she had a feeling there was a smile on his face from the way he sounded. “Hinata just has much more potential than I do.” His tone sounded almost light-hearted, but in a way that made her stomach twist with unease.

She quietly slinked back to the main walkway, suddenly feeling like an intruder. Kuroo-san’s eyes shifted past Tsukishima and locked on her retreating form. Panicking at being spotted, she gave him a sheepish wave before casually scurrying to the gymnasium that the majority of the Karasuno team was using.

The path to that gymnasium was unfortunately long. Her short legs, even while briskly walking, could only take her to her destination so quickly. The somewhat long distance allowed her mind to fixate on Tsukishima’s words, the knot in her stomach tightening.

 _After practice is over for tonight, I need to tell Yama about this._ She thought, turning a corner.

“(L/N)!”

She stopped and turned to see who had called her.

Within a few paces, Tsukishima had caught up to her.

“I thought you were with the upperclassmen,” she asked, continuing to walk towards the Karasuno-claimed gymnasium.

“I managed to slip away,” he replied simply. There was an edge to his voice which made her uncomfortable.

“Then why are you walking this way? I thought you’d head off to take a bath or wind down?”

He huffed slightly. “I forgot my knee pads.”

The rest of the walk was filled with the buzzing of winged insects, the blaring of assorted summer cicadas, and the waves of irritation that rolled off Tsukishima. She wanted to say something, _anything_ to relieve the tension. At times like this, she wished she was as sociable as Hotaru, who always knew what words to say and when to say them.

Suddenly, Tsukishima spoke.

“Maybe someone like you wouldn’t understand this but…”

She looked up at him in slight confusion at his word choice but waited for him to finish his sentence.

“Do you think it’s worth putting so much effort into something that will amount to nothing in the future?”

His words seared her in a way that she was not expecting.

“Well… I mean… A lot of things we do will amount to nothing when we get older,” she started sheepishly. “Unless it’s directly related to what you end up doing for a living, I think everything we do amounts to nothing when looked at from the outside.”

“From the outside?” He echoed, a troubled expression on his face.

“Yeah. Like… How Yama puts so much effort into his float serves. To most people, it probably seems pointless because he doesn’t want to pursue a career in volleyball and his chances of going professional are extremely slim. But to him, putting in the effort isn’t wasted because he enjoys the sport and the team. And by putting effort into volleyball, he’s happy, which is what I think is most important?”

She paused slightly before stepping into the gymnasium, Tsukishima silently trailing behind her. She wished that he would say something to show he had heard her.

A sigh escaped her.

“I guess to answer your question, I think it _is_ worth putting in time and effort into things that make you passionate and happy. If you don’t have anything like that, I think life becomes really sad.”

She stepped into the gymnasium, leaving him behind at the threshold.

***

After Yama decided that he had practiced enough for the night, the two walked comfortably back to the main building. She was about to talk about Tsukishima, but Yama beat her to the topic.

“I asked Tsuki earlier if he wanted to come practice with me,” Yama started, glancing at her. “But he blew me off and said he was going to rest.”

“Yeah, about that… I saw him practicing a bit with Kuroo-san and some of the Fukurodani members before I came in.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, but he said something weird when Kuroo-san tried to provoke him to try harder.”

They turned the corner.

“Kuroo-san was comparing him to Sho-chan and Tsukishima just casually admitted that there was no way for him to be “as good as” Sho-chan.”

Her hands started pulling at the ends of her hair.

“I’ve never heard him sound so… Unapologetically defeated?” She sighed heavily. “And then when we were walking to the gymnasium, he asked me if I think it’s “worth it” to put in the effort for pointless things.”

A blanket of silence fell over them as they continued to walk.

“I’ll try to talk to him about it,” he piped in, he sounded a bit nervous. “I’ve known him for a while now, so maybe he’ll listen to me.”

“I’m sorry I can’t just ask him about it myself,” she added, feeling guilty for making him responsible for talking to Tsukishima. “I’m comfortable with you two but… Tsukishima makes me a little nervous still. I think it’s because he feels so distant? I never feel like I know what he’s thinking or what he’s feeling…”

Yama simply laughed. “No, it’s fine. I’ve been wanting to talk to him anyway. Plus, I’ve known him longer, so it only makes sense for me to go.”

She smiled gratefully at him, making sure that it reached her eyes for him to see. “Well, if anyone can get to him, I’m sure you can. I’m sure that Tsuki respects and cares for you, so he’ll listen. Be confident in yourself.”

Yama gave her a pensive look. “Yeah, but I think you should give yourself more credit. If you tried, I’m sure you could get through to him, too.”

She huffed, “Yeah. Maybe.”

She figured that Tsukishima saw her as a friend at this point, but she was sure that they weren’t close enough for her to scold him about how he was choosing to spend his time.

They walked into the building together, both sighing in relief as the cooler air hit them.

“Looks like we have to split up here,” she started, waving softly at him. “Good work today. I’ll see you tomorrow. Get a good rest.”

Before she could turn to leave, he grabbed her sleeve. “Wait- Are you sure you’re ok?” He asked quietly, his grip on her sleeve light enough for her to escape if she wished. “On the bus, you -“

“I’m fine, really,” she answered quickly, gently removing his hand. “Just a bad dream. It happens to everyone. Thank you for worrying about me though, I appreciate it.” She gave him a gentle squeeze to emphasize her point.

He retracted his hand in a slight hurry but didn’t look convinced. “Ok. Goodnight then. I’ll see you tomorrow…”

“Goodnight, Yama.”

They went their separate ways and she ascended the stairs. _I just won’t think about it. Just like everything else._ She thought, going to run cold water on her body and do her nightly routine before returning to the girls’ lodging area. Thankfully, everyone had finished their business and the bathroom was completely vacant.

Feeling the cold water on her skin, she realized how tired she felt. Not just physically, either. She looked at her uncovered face and cringed slightly. She put the mask back on and felt a small sense of ease.

 _There’s no need to think about those things._ She thought, walking back to the girls’ room. _Just keep looking at what’s directly ahead._

When she slightly opened the door, the sounds of girl-talk filled her ears.

_I want to leave._

Yachi-san lit up and beckoned her to sit with her and Mizu-san, making her reluctantly enter. They had laid out her bedding for her. She thanked them before taking a seat.

“What did you think about today?” Yachi-san asked, her voice still energetic despite the late hour.

“It was good practice for them,” she answered bluntly. “They just need to keep practicing together and I think they’ll start winning matches again.” She pulled the blankets over her legs, eager to sleep.

Mizu-san nodded, pulling out her notebook. “They’re already starting to show some improvement. But they just need more experience to set everything in place.”

At the sight of the notebook, she remembered Kuroo-san’s blocking tips.

“Ah! I saw Tsukishima practicing his blocks with Nekoma and Fukurodani,” she exclaimed, causing the two Karasuno managers to jump slightly from her sudden outburst. “Can I borrow the notebook? I overheard some blocking advice from Kuroo-san.”

Mizu-san nodded, handing the notebook and a pencil. As she scrawled Kuroo-san’s words into the notebook, Yachi-san asked her about the tall first-year.

“So, you saw Tsukishima practicing? With upperclassmen outside of Karasuno?” The shock in her voice was almost comical.

“Yeah, I was kind of surprised too. He looked like he was roped into it though, so don’t get your hopes up that he’ll start doing after-practice practice.”

After finishing the final word, she handed the notebook and pencil back to Mizu-san. Before they could continue talking about the blonde, a chorus of girlish squeals caused the three to look up. Taking a glance at the clock on her phone, she felt her stomach plummet.

One of the managers beckoned for the three to gather around. Another manager was holding her phone horizontally; she was showing a video.

“Come watch this! It’s really good, we promise!”

Reluctantly, she trailed behind Yachi-san and Mizu-san. Peering over a shoulder, she took a sharp breath in.

_Ah. That’s us._

The video was taken at least a year ago, back when she and Hotaru were still dancing regularly together and back when she was part of a dance group. She wondered why it had taken him so long to upload it; the video had been one of their favorites, after all.

Smooth, almost jazzy music filled her ears, bringing back memories of that exact moment. The light, yet stabilizing feeling of Hotaru’s hands, the way they moved so smoothly together, and how _beautiful_ she felt whenever they danced together.

Too focused on reminiscing, she failed to notice that the video had ended. One of the managers shook her out of her thoughts when she asked a question directly to her.

“So, what did you think about it? It was kind of sexy, right?”

“Ah. It was pretty,” she answered dumbly, still half-immersed in her thoughts.

The other managers were displeased with her response. “That’s all you have to say about it? Guess you don’t really like this sort of thing, then.”

She played along, nodding while a yawn escaped her. “It was pretty. It looks like they worked hard. Anyways, I’m going to sleep, goodnight.”

With that, she made her way to her bedding and made herself comfortable. It didn’t take long for the others to stop talking about the video – she was trying her best to not listen to them for her own sanity’s sake – and turn off the lights. Once everyone has been snuggly tucked away into their make-shift beds, she felt her tired eyes begin to flutter shut as she pulled down her mask slightly. 

_Maybe this time my dreams won’t be so bad…_ She thought tiredly, burying her face into the blanket despite how warm the room was.

***

Meanwhile, the Karasuno boys were still awake, albeit winding down to sleep.

“Tsukishima, are you ok? You’re turning a bit red,” Sugawara-san asked, looking over his junior in slight concern. It would be bad if anyone got sick on this trip, after all.

“It’s nothing,” he replied quickly. “It’s just really warm in here.”

A tired chorus of agreement came from the other club members, and Sugawara-san quickly got off his case.

While everyone was preoccupied with getting to bed, Kei cursed under his breath.

It looked like he was going to be the one who had a hard time sleeping this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support! It really helps me stay motivated to write!!
> 
> The next chapter is already vaguely outlined, so hopefully it won't be long before I actually write it up and post it,,, Yama is going to rock the boat, but in a good way.


	19. Summer training camp: Day two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: "I'll write this chapter and post it after I look it over."  
> Me, two weeks later, "Oh. I forgot to look it over."  
> Me, now: "Hahah is anyone still here?"

When she woke up the next morning, she felt surprisingly well-rested. No dreams had plagued her sleep and the built-up exhaustion over the past few weeks finally allowed her to sleep like a baby.

However, that didn’t stop her from waking up significantly earlier than everyone else in the building. The curtains of the classroom effectively blocked out the soft, morning rays of the sun, which had initially given her hope that she had awoken at a normal hour.

Her phone clock told her that it was about 4:30.

_Damn._

With a slightly indignant sigh, she quietly rose off her bedding, neatly put it away, and went to the bathroom to do her morning routine.

 _Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to sleep well_ and _wake up at a normal time._ She thought. She softly scoffed at her own thoughts. _Yeah. That’ll probably happen when I get married and have an office job in a cubicle._

After her morning business had been taken care of, and a new mask put on her face, she decided to wander around Shizen’s school grounds. Perhaps a less rural high school would have something that would help her pass time until the managers had to prepare breakfast.

Walking through the empty hallways chilled her skin slightly. It felt eerie to see a school so vacant and lifeless, with her own footsteps being the only sounds echoing off the walls. However, after some absent-minded wandering, she stumbled upon an open room. She peeked in and her heart started to race. Staring back at her was the illuminated figure of herself in the doorway.

A room full of mirrors.

This was _exactly_ what she had been secretly hoping for. With a slight skip in her step, she walked in, flipping on the light switch before carefully closing the door behind her in case someone walked by (not that she was particularly worried at this hour, but just in case).

Excitement bubbled within her as she sat herself down in the middle of the room. It was not as big as the dance studio she was familiar with working in, but it would do. Tying back her hair in a secure ponytail, she began her stretches. She knew better than to jump straight into dancing without proper warm-ups. Not to mention, she would prefer to keep her recovered legs from getting messed up again.

Before starting up some music (at an extremely low volume), she made sure to set an alarm on her phone to remind her to head to the cafeteria. The last thing she wanted was to draw attention to herself by being late.

Once everything was ready, she stood and took a shaky breath as she took off her mask.

_Let’s see how bad I’ve gotten._

***

When her reminder alarm rang, she nearly fell onto her face in surprise. Quick to silence it, she hastily put on her mask, turned off the lights, and rushed to the cafeteria.

Thankfully, she had arrived just as the other managers were filing into the kitchen.

“Oh, there you are! We were wondering where you went,” Yachi-san exclaimed softly, keeping her volume down for those in the building who were still asleep. Though, she was sure that the volleyball players were all awake at this hour.

She waved, “Yeah, I walked around Shizen for a while until it was time. I’m sorry if I worried you.”

After a little small talk between each other, the managers went to work on preparing breakfast for the others. Everyone was quick to fall into their own little areas of work as a comfortable silence fell between everyone.

The silence let her mind wander. While she did not mind preparing food for everyone, she _did_ wonder why it was up to the female managers to get the food ready. Couldn’t the boys get the food ready themselves? Everyone here was either between the ages of 16 and 18 or an adult. Surely, they could all use basic kitchen appliances themselves?

Regardless of her thoughts on the matter, she made sure she did her part thoroughly and quickly. Though, preparing food did make her wonder about Yama and Tsukishima’s favorite foods and when their birthdays were.

 _I’ll ask them when they come down._ She thought, readying the trays and bowls.

It wasn’t long before the boys started to trickle in; she had been right to assume the players were all awake and were just getting ready to head down to eat. She had offered to take the first “shift” of handing out food to the volleyball players so the other girls could eat before she did. Currently, she was trying her best to sound friendly to all the various, intimidating boys, who were less scary when they came in somewhat bleary-eyed and sleepy.

To her relief, no one tried to talk to her. Other than telling her what they wanted to eat and saying some form of thanks, they never attempted to make any small talk. So far, the first shift was going quietly and smoothly.

Of course, as soon as she saw the familiar fluffy hair of Suga-san, she knew that the cafeteria was about to get noisy.

“Good morning (L/N),” he greeted, a pleasant smile on his face. He seemed a bit too chipper for what she assumed was early for normal people.

“Good morning, Suga-san,” she replied, getting a tray ready. “What would you like?”

“Can I just have a bit of everything?”

As she went to work, she could feel his eyes on her. She could feel his mischievous, chaotic energy radiating off him.

 _Please don’t do anything to your underclassman that would make her uncomfortable, Suga-san._ She silently pleaded, refusing to look up at him.

“Do you have any hobbies, (L/N),” he suddenly asked as she scooped out rice from the rice cooker.

“Not particularly.”

She placed the bowl on the tray, beginning to put assorted meats and vegetables on separate plates.

“Whaaaat? Surely you like _something_ right? Unless you just like watching guys playing volleyball,” he joked, leaning forward slightly on the counter.

She laughed slightly, making sure to give him a set of chopsticks and napkins. “While I’m not saying that watching sweaty boys play volleyball _isn’t_ fun, there are definitely other things that I like.”

She passed the tray to him.

“If I had to choose a hobby… I guess I like the arts,” she concluded.

The upperclassman gave her an almost scrutinizing look before he broke into a brilliant smile. “Thank you, (L/N)!” With that, the upperclassman went to find a table, leaving her rather confused (and slightly worried) at his sudden question.

Before her thoughts could linger on the question, Tsukishima and Yama appeared.

“Good morning,” she greeted, quickly preparing their trays. “What do you want to eat?”

They told her their breakfast preferences and she was quick to load their trays. The question of their birthdays and favorite foods came to mind.

“By the way, what are your favorite foods to eat,” she asked, glancing up at them briefly before filling their bowls with rice (she made sure to give Tsukishima just a _little_ more than he had requested; he needed to eat properly).

She could feel Yama’s warm smile despite not looking up at him. “I like soft, kind of soggy fries and Tsukki likes,” his voice got very quiet, as if he was about to reveal a groundbreaking secret, “strawberry shortcake.”

_Strawberry shortcake…?_

She froze slightly as she struggled to contain her laugh.

 _Someone as big and kind-of-prickly like him likes strawberry shortcake?! That’s kind of… Endearing._ She thought, beginning to fill their plates with the good-looking vegetables and meat.

 _And also really amusing…_ A small chuckle managed to escape from her.

“ _Yamaguchi_ ,” Tsukishima started, irritation in his voice. “You don’t have to say things for me, and I told you not to tell anyone about that.”

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yama responded, though he didn’t sound very apologetic.

She passed Yama his tray. “Oh! One more question. When are your birthdays?”

“November 10th,” Yama answered, quickly thanking her for the food.

She gave Tsukishima his tray, looking up at him for his answer.

“September 27th,” he muttered. He was trying to avoid looking at her face.

“Ah, ok! Thank you for telling me! Now go and eat.” She motioned for them to leave, noticing that a line was starting to form.

The two nodded and made their way to a table while she started on the next boy’s breakfast. For the rest of her shift, she made sure to chant their favorite foods and birthdates in her mind.

***

“Yet another loss…” Yachi-san whined. The managers watched in pity as the Karasuno players resolutely lined up for yet another round of sprints. She had the unfortunate foresight of refilling all the water bottles immediately after the last water break and it looked like she had been right on the mark.

“Yeah, I feel really bad for them,” she added, watching as most of the team yelled up the hill. Their frustrated voices echoed up into the blisteringly hot sky as they ran. “I hope they don’t get sunburned from this. That would be a pain,” she added, keeping herself hidden away in the shade.

Mizu-san adjusted her glasses. “At least there’s going to be watermelon for them soon. That will cool them off.”

As some of the players made their way back down the hill, the three passed out their respective water bottles.

Azumane-san, after thanking her for his water and taking a long drink, gently spoke, “Would it be ok if I gave Yamaguchi and Tsukishima their water bottles? I need an excuse to talk to them.”

She was a bit surprised but quickly handed the soft upperclassman their water bottles. He gave her a warm smile in return. Before she could ask him what he was planning to talk to them about, Mizu-san called her over.

“The other managers are starting to head out so we should probably get going, too.”

At the call of her senior manager, she quickly wished Azumane-san good luck on the next practice match and ran after Mizu-san.

***

It was officially break time for everyone. The watermelons, which had been graciously donated by some sweet parents, had all been cut neatly for consumption.

As usual, she avoided the quickly forming cliques between the different students. Opting out to sit in the shade of the gymnasium entrance and people watch.

From the looks of it, Sho-chan and Kage-san had yet to make up. However, the former seemed extremely content with spending time with his new friends from Nekoma. She tried not to laugh at his pitiful attempt at spitting out watermelon seeds.

She lazily swept her gaze across the clearing, taking notice that Kuroo-san had approached Daichi-san. She wondered what the Nekoma captain had to say. It was hard to tell since all she could see was his back.

Before she could continue people watching, Yama sat next to her.

“Oh? You’re not going to socialize with the other players?” She asked, starting to fruitlessly fan herself.

 _Damn, this heat is making my mask insufferable._ She thought, resisting the urge to rid of the article of cloth entirely.

He laughed softly, “No. You looked a bit lonely by yourself, so I thought I would sit with you.” She felt a bit warm inside and she knew it wasn’t from the heat of the sun.

Before they could exchange any more words, the shrill whistle from the coaches signaled the end of the break. She quickly rose to her feet, extending a hand to Yama. He somewhat shyly accepted it and was surprised by her strength as she pulled him to his feet.

“Go out there and do some good, Yama,” she encouraged, a large smile blooming from behind her mask.

He reciprocated her smile and nodded.

***

The sun was finally starting to set. The worst of the heat was officially over.

Unfortunately for the Karasuno team, they had one more sprint to run for the day before individual training and dinner. Unlike their previous charges up the hill, Sho-chan, Kage-san, and Noya-san were the only ones to yell as they raced up the hill with unmatched vigor. Meanwhile, the third-years were tiredly bickering up the hill about “not complaining about the heat.”

Her eyes landed on Tsukishima, who was visibly struggling. Yama had stopped with him but soon left him behind. Tsukishima probably told him to run on ahead. It wasn’t a surprise that he had the least stamina out of the entire team; he never practiced outside of the required club hours.

She briefly wondered if she had more stamina than he did, but quickly benched the thought. It was unfair to compare the two of them. She had been an avid, internet-popular dancer. He was just a boy who played volleyball seriously enough to be a regular, but casually enough to not dedicate most of his time to the sport. They were opposites when it came to passion and drive.

 _I just don’t understand how he can be so uncaring about things that_ should _be important._ She thought, neatly placing the full water bottles in a line. _It’s like he’s an unmovable wall… And not in a good way._

It was then that a wave of exhaustion finally hit her.

 _It looks like all of that dancing finally caught up to me._ She thought, slightly laughing at the irony as she caught Mizu-san’s attention with a small wave.

The upperclassman simply nodded at her, giving her permission to temporarily leave her post.

With a slight bow, she made her way to the showers, hoping that the water would keep her awake.

***

_The shower wasn’t as rejuvenating as I had hoped…_ She thought, running a brush through her dry hair. As she gathered up her things and put them away, she wondered if Yama had talked to Tsukishima yet. She still felt a bit guilty about putting the responsibility on him.

Those thoughts quickly disappeared when she passed Gymnasium 3 on her way back to the Karasuno-claimed gymnasium. He was there with the Fukurodani pair and the Nekoma captain, and it looked like he had no intention of leaving any time soon. The sight of it made her freeze in place, mouth almost gaping. Part of her wondered if she needed a new prescription on her glasses.

“(L/N)-san!”

The call of her name snapped her out of her stupor.

“Are you going to stand there and stare outside or come in and watch?” Kuroo-san asked, a casually friendly smile on his face.

Alarm bells rang in her head as the other three volleyball players turned to look at her. She waved awkwardly, dismayed that she had been caught staring.

“Sorry! I promised Yama and the others that I would help them out tonight,” she called back, starting to take small scoots away.

Kuroo-san roughly draped an arm around Tsukishima, causing him to jump slightly in surprise. “Then how about you come watch us tomorrow night? I’m sure the other two managers wouldn’t mind you watching how this one is doing.”

The more this captain talked, the more she felt like she was in some sort of emotional danger. He was _too_ observant, which made her anxious. He was the worst type of person for someone like her.

“I’ll think about it! Thank you for the offer, but I really need to get going, bye!” With an abrupt farewell, she quickly scuttled away to the safety of the other Karasuno players.

“(L/N)!” A much more comforting voice called as she stumbled through the entrance of the gymnasium.

“I’m… Here!” She exclaimed between breaths, slowly walking towards Yama. Looking up at his face, she was surprised that he looked slightly agitated.

The two walked to the end of the court that he had been practicing.

“Sorry I’m a bit late again,” she started, pulling her hair up into a ponytail to keep it out of the way.

“Did you see Tsukki and get distracted?” His slightly teasing tone shocked her slightly.

He prepared to serve as she backed up to observe him.

“W-well, I guess? He was practicing in Gymnasium 3 again and he looked serious this time. He was wearing his knee pads this time.”

“What?!”

Her response caused him to completely miss his serve, the ball neatly colliding with his face.

She instantly rushed to his side as he recovered from the light collision. “Yama?! Are you ok?”

He laughed, lightly rubbing his face as a sweet smile spread across his face. “I guess you were right, (L/N). I should give myself more credit when it comes to Tsukki.”

She felt excitement bubble within her, blocking out the exhaustion that had been pulling at her after the practice matches had ended. A wide smile stretched across her face, one that spread to her eyes.

Tsukishima was starting to change, and she was excited to see what he would bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for just disappearing for two weeks! Research started ramping up and then I sort of... Forgot. To do anything outside of doing my work and living LOL.
> 
> This chapter also took me a while to write because... I just... Couldn't figure out how I wanted it to go... I'm still not happy with it, but I don't know what to do and I've kept people waiting for too long and I feel guilty---  
> The one plus to this is that I know 10000% what I want for the next chapter so... It will definitely be... Much better...... :>  
> Finally... Talking with the chaotic group that Tsukishima has found himself practicing with lololol


	20. Meeting Gymnasium 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING SO LONG ON THIS CHAPTER. I had actually written out 80% of it a week ago but then got stuck on what to write for the ending of the chapter- and then I looked at the calendar today and realized it had been almost a full month since I've updated and I nearly died. So here I am. It is late where I am but I have FINISHED this chapter-
> 
> I hope you can forgive me and that you'll find this slightly longer chapter enjoyable ;;w;;

The next morning was identical to the previous one. She had woken up disgustingly early, danced her heart out until breakfast time, helped with breakfast, and resumed her position as co-manager while the teams continued their rounds of practice matches. What was slightly different today was that Tsukishima had a more determined air about him and that the Tokyo temperatures were starting to climb.

She hastily wiped off the sweat forming on her temple with the short sleeve of her T-shirt before cheering for Azumane-san, who had pulled off a jump serve, scoring an “easy” point for Karasuno.

“I think Azumane-san is starting to really get a hang of it,” Yachi-san exclaimed, her legs swinging back and forth from underneath the bench.

She nodded. “All of that hard work Azumane-san put into practicing the jump serve is paying off now.”

“It’s not only him who’s been improving. Everyone has been making steady progress since we got here,” Mizu-san added, coolly writing notes into the notebook. “Everyone’s been making fewer mistakes and their plays are more consistent.”

She and Yachi-san nodded, refocusing their attention back to the court as the sound of another point being scored reverberated off the walls.

***

She had lost track of how many matches Karasuno had played, but she was sure it had only been enough to count on one of her hands. Despite knowing that, it still felt like everyone had been out in this insufferably hot and stuffy gym for _days_.

She had always despised the heat. At least when it was cold, she could put on more layers! There was only so much she could take off (that was socially acceptable), and “taking off” her skin was in the realm of “socially unacceptable.”

Her face mask was also making her current situation a boiling hell. It was (extremely) gross that her mask was casually soaking up her sweat, but she was determined not to yield until she was on the verge of passing out. Safe to say, she was _not_ yet on the verge of passing out. Maybe her body was still functioning out of sheer spite. The jury was still out on that one.

Somewhere along the way, she had been forced to draw her hair up in her infamous (to Hotaru, at least), catastrophic bun that she had been hoping no one here would witness. Ultimately, the decision had boiled down to the combined forces of her face mask sticking to her face in ways that it was _not_ supposed to stick and her hair sticking to her neck and back. She “chose” the obvious answer of cooling herself down by tying up her hair.

Looking at the Karasuno team, it was clear that she was not the only one who was struggling with the heat. Everyone was already tired, the heat effectively sapping their energy by the second. For both their sake and her own sake, she hoped that there would be a midday break soon.

The sound of Sho-chan’s angry voice refocused her frying brain.

“Hey!”

She could feel pins and needles run through her.

 _Oh no, it’s coming._ She thought, internally bracing for impact.

“You held back, didn’t you?!” He yelled, aggressively stepping into Kage-san’s personal space. His breaths came out ragged and rough, both from exhaustion and anger.

“Held… Back?”

She and Yachi-san instantly flinched at Kage-san’s tone; a look of alarm spread on the latter’s face.

“Me? With volleyball?”

Kage-san’s face was turning darker by the second.

 _Here we go again._ She thought, unease coursing through her body at the sight of the two arguing. On one hand, they were talking again. On the other, things were still as raw and a bit complicated as before.

The tall setter forcefully grabbed a handful of Sho-chan’s shirt, but before anything could escalate even further, Takeda-sensei called for a time-out. After some wrangling on Tanaka-san’s part, Sho-chan and Kage-san regrouped to the rest of the team without too much of a fight.

As she and the other managers gathered up, she hoped that the tensions between the two would resolve by the end of the training camp.

***

After rounds of losses once again, it was time for her (Mizu-san approved) early shower. She sighed in relief as the cool water ran through her hair and down her body. It was horrendously hot today. She could only imagine how the volleyball players were feeling.

The shower was over quickly, and before she knew it, she had quickly dried her hair and attempted to put it in a less catastrophic bun than before (an unsuccessful attempt). From there, she begrudgingly made her way to the now-dreaded Gymnasium 3. She was starting to regret asking Mizu-san if she could go watch Tsukishima-san practice.

 _Kuroo-san will be there, you idiot!_ She scolded herself as she walked out of the main building. Unconsciously, the grip on her notebook and pencil tightened. _And that Bokuto-san is really intense… And Akaashi-san looks so intimidating…_

She turned the corner, a loud sigh escaping her. “I guess I just have to grin and bear it… For the team…” She mumbled, feeling her legs start to ache again.

Before she could come up with another way to stall for time, a mop of orange hair flew past her.

“Sorry, (F/N)-chan!” He called out from behind his shoulder as he rounded the corner to a familiar doorway.

_Wait there’s no way that Sho-chan is also going to be there too, right? That’d be too good-_

She broke into a slow jog, managing to catch a few of the words being exchanged.

“… Tsukki, did you bring a friend today?”

She was about 90% sure that the voice belonged to Bokuto-san. Though, she was a bit shocked that Tsukishima let Bokuto-san call him by that nickname. Maybe it wasn’t as voluntary as it appeared.

As she got closer to the doorway, still out of sight, she couldn’t help but snicker at how Sho-chan stiffened from his position behind the edge of the doorframe. He was probably being stared at.

“What happened to your partner?”

She was much closer now, almost behind Sho-chan, and she could easily tell that the voice belonged to Tsukishima. Before she could make a joint appearance with her childhood friend, he stepped away from behind the doorframe and into the entryway.

“Kageyama’s practicing on his own again. I asked Kenma to give me some tosses but… He ran away after the fifth one.”

A small part of her brain was telling her to ditch and go back to Yama, where things were more comfortable and less unfamiliar. Actually, she was starting her escape now, beginning to back away from Sho-chan’s back.

However, she had made her escape too late. After Lev-san (who had catapulted his way to the door from who knows where) and Sho-chan announced that they wanted to practice with the upperclassmen, Kuroo-san declared that they would be having a 3 v 3 practice match. Her sense of duty as co-manager kicked in.

After the two first-years rushed in the gymnasium, she meekly walked into the entryway.

“Hey… Would you guys mind if I came to watch?” Her eyes were glued on Tsukishima’s shoes, the thought of seeing all their eyes on her making her extremely anxious.

Sho-chan’s excited voice drew her eyes upwards, towards the faces of the boys in the gymnasium. “(F/N)-chan! I didn’t know you were coming here too!”

She waved half-heartedly at him, her focus shifting wearily to the third-years. She was waiting for their response.

That smile that turned on her flight response crept on Kuroo-san’s face. “Of course you can, I was the one who offered.”

She looked at Bokuto-san.

He gave her a reassuring smile, much different than the smiles Kuroo-san had. Up close, Bokuto-san seemed like a sweet guy. “Come on in! You could be our referee.”

Permission now granted, she walked onto the shiny, wood floor, instantly gravitating to standing behind Sho-chan.

Within a few minutes, the teams had been decided. The Owls would be Sho-chan, Bokuto-san, and Akaashi-shan, while the Cats would be Tsukishima, Kuroo-san, and Lev-san. From there, they were off.

Once the ball started moving, her apprehension instantly fell away. Their attention was fully on the ball and the words of advice from their teammates.

Kuroo-san was constantly giving advice on blocking (mostly it was somewhat irritably aimed at Lev) and Tsukishima was quick to incorporate the captain’s tips. She could already tell that her friend’s blocks had more strength in them than before. He was even starting to consistently block Sho-chan’s spikes!

It brought a smile on her face to see the usually unenthused Tsukishima put in more effort than usual in response to the different energies of the players around him.

 _Who knew he just needed some upperclassmen’s nagging and Yama’s scolding to whip him into shape?_ She thought half-jokingly as she wrote down everything she could gather from the match. She would have to share these notes with Mizu-san and Yachi-san before they checked out for the night.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the net, Sho-chan and Bokuto-san seemed to share the same zealous enthusiasm. Both were rowdy, loud, and extremely excitable throughout the match. She had a feeling she and Bokuto-san would get along well. Meanwhile, Akaashi-san remained cool and quiet, making her wonder what type of person he was.

Just as she had finished scrawling down notes on the different players and Kuroo-san’s most recent blocking tip, the match was interrupted by the two managers from Fukurodani.

“Hey guys, if you don’t wrap up soon, the cafeteria will close and you won’t have dinner,” the shorter one called, cutely using her hands to point to the cafeteria.

The match was instantly postponed, everyone deciding that getting some dinner and then continuing the match the next day would be the best course of action.

As Bokuto-san and Sho-chan ran to the cafeteria, she and Tsukishima fell into step with one another as the others walked at their own pace. She was slightly ahead of him while he trailed close behind.

The walk was peaceful and made her realize that it had been a few days since they had walked together like this, all they needed was Yama. She had missed this mundane activity just a little.

She was planning on talking with Tsukishima about his day, but she decided against it as the pair fell into step with Kuroo-san, who had been walking alone. She was debating walking a bit faster to pass him completely but decided against it when Tsukishima quickly matched her pace. Maybe he wanted to chat with the captain?

“So… I just wanted to apologize to you, (L/N),” the captain abruptly started.

 _Ah. I have miscalculated._ She thought, somewhat relieved that Tsukishima was so close.

She coughed slightly, pretending to clear her throat. “Ah… I don’t think I understand why you’re apologizing to me.” Her eyes nervously flitted up to his face. As much as she hated making eye contact with unfamiliar people, showing respect to upperclassmen and adults was a social rule that she would always reluctantly abide by.

Kuroo-san had a laxer smile on his face this time. It made him look more sincere and about 80% less like he knew all her secrets. “Well ever since our first encounter at Nekoma, I’ve been feeling a bit guilty. I just wanted to chat with you and Tsukishima, but it looks like I’ve just frightened an underclassman.”

 _No kidding, you scared the hell out of me._ She thought, nodding her head to show that she was listening to him. _You nearly outed me in front of my friends,_ and _you saw my face…_

“And then every time you see me, you look like a frightened squirrel. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable and if there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable then I’d be more than happy to accommodate.”

It looked like he was done, and now it was her turn to respond with something. The problem was that she had no idea what to say. She decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Surely Kuroo-san had no malintent when he appeared that evening.

“I’ll accept your apology as long as you promise me two things. One, continue teaching Tsukishima how to be a better middle blocker.”

She could feel Tsukishima giving her a somewhat irritated look but ignored it.

“And two, don’t talk about what I look like without my mask to other people. I’d prefer to have my privacy.”

“Of course,” he responded, without missing a beat.

“Then I accept your apology,” she replied simply.

A rather awkward silence hung over the three as they continued to walk to the cafeteria, but it thankfully dispersed as the cheery voices of Sho-chan and Bokuto-san urged the three to join everyone for dinner.

After hastily filling her tray, she hesitantly joined the boys for dinner, making sure to sit at the edge of the group. Tsukishima naturally took a seat next to her, and the group started to chat and eat. She was careful about making sure her mask still covered her face as she ate and tried to make herself more of a spectator to the conversations rather than an active participant. Maybe after she was done eating, she would chat with them a bit.

As she listened to them talk, she knew for a fact that her first impressions of Bokuto-san, as a person and not a volleyball player, being scary was false. He seemed kind, passionate, and extremely friendly.

Meanwhile, Kuroo-san was surprisingly funny. It turned out that when she wasn’t on constant flight response towards him, he could crack some funny jokes and tell some funny stories. Maybe _she_ was the one who should have apologized for labeling him incorrectly.

As she quietly finished her light dinner, she glanced over at Tsukishima’s tray. As she secured her mask back into place, she nudged him with her knee. He gave her a slightly irritated, expectant look.

“You should eat more. You’ve been really active today so your body needs all the nutrients it can get to rest up,” she suggested, making slightly uneasy eye contact with him.

“Says the person who doesn’t eat much either,” he retorted, making direct eye contact with her as he popped another mouthful of rice into his mouth.

Knowing that he was right and that she was being a hypocrite, she yielded, returning her attention to the main group.

“Oh! That reminds me,” Bokuto-san exclaimed. “(L/N), why do you wear a mask all the time? Isn’t it a hassle? Especially today since it was so hot?”

She could feel anxiousness starting to rise in her at the sound of her name. Had she told him her name?

“Ah… The mask makes me feel more comfortable…? And if people approach me, I know for sure it isn’t because of my appearance,” she replied, hoping her voice didn’t sound too flighty. It wasn’t like she was lying though.

Bokuto-san’s eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly before his smile widened. “Oh! I’m sorry I asked about it then. I thought you wore it to look cool so I wanted to ask! Anyways, (L/N) is right, Tsukki. You really should eat more!”

She was too focused on what Bokuto-san had just done to hear Tsukishima’s response. Had the Fukurodani captain redirected the conversation for her sake? She seriously had Bokuto-san all wrong. He was like Sho-chan if Sho-chan had more tact when it came to emotions. She made a mental note that Bokuto-san was someone she could comfortably talk to.

The rest of dinner went by rather quickly after that, the boys were eager to wrap up for the night. After washing dishes, most of them dashed off to bathe. One such eager runner made sure to wish her goodnight before sprinting away.

“Goodnight (F/N)-chan,” he exclaimed, rushing off too quickly to hear her reciprocate his goodnight wishes.

She turned to look up at Tsukishima, who was walking beside her. “I hope you sleep well,” she chimed, splitting off from him as she went towards the stairwell.

“Wait.” He called, causing her to pause before she took the first step.

She turned to face him.

“Do you need something?”

“Are you ok? You look more tired than usual.”

She felt slightly touched at his concern, but she was quick to brush him off.

“It’s just the heat, probably. I’m horrible with hot weather. I’m fine.”

He seemed to be satisfied with the response, wishing her a good night before making his way to the boys’ bathroom.

With his back turned she slowly made her ascent, wincing slightly a dull pain in her legs told her that she was approaching her limit for the day. She had been too zealous about practicing and now she was starting to pay the price.

Despite the pain, she couldn’t help but feel excited to find out what the other Karasuno managers had seen as they helped the other members practice. At the rate the team was growing, maybe they’d end up finally winning a match by the end of the training camp.

A giddy grin formed on her face.

She couldn’t wait to see them fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Haikyuu's manga ended a few days ago and I am not caught up on the manga *at all* but I am definitely going to speed read all of it so I can better write this story... Actually I've been reading a lot of different fics and a lot of different character analyses just to... Get a better grasp on the characters since I've been an anime-only fan so far. So hopefully I've digested the characters a bit better...? Fingers crossed. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for all of your support and lovely comments! They really do make my day !


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